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I feel like a sexual failure.. Please help.


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I just want to know if anyone has experience with this, because it's really horrible.

I never really experienced pleasure during sex, ever. It's more like an uncomfortable experience that I go through for the sake of my partner, or because it mentally feels good (but physically it's nothing but pain)


I have never tried to orgasm, I can't even when I finger myself. I have a vibrator and that does not help me either. I mean, it does really "tickle" near my clit, and it feels really good, but in the end I'm not coming, it just goes from tickling in a sexually stimulating way till it tickles too much so I can't handle it, not in a good way but just pure tickly way. My legs always shakes after this, so I may have been close to coming. But this is long time ago, because being penetrated is a hurtful experience and I'm really sexually interested and I like fantasizing about it, and wish it were like my fantasies, but in reality it's a nightmare for me.


First of, when a guy goes down on me, my clit is either too sensitive, sometimes I have previously scratched myself near the area because it itches (I think it's because of my hair, it itches whenever I just trimmed them, and it HURTS and itches MUCH for weeks when I smooth shave, so I stopped doing that and am just trimming) when this happends it's sometimes just feels good because it soothes the pain, but sometimes it just burns terribly. Well, it's only like 40% of times this happends, 60% of times I just feel... Well, in all honesty nothing. I mean it feels okay, but nothing orgasmic or fantastic... I just don't really feel it, they can like my clit directly and nothing comes from it.


My nipples are not sensitive that way either, I don't get turned on by having them licked. And when a guy sucks them, it just hurts a bit and does not feel good... They do become stiff and all, and gets sensitive, but that does not really make it a pleasureable experience. I think my only erogenous zone is around my ear flips. I wish oral/hand sex could at least make me come or be really pelasureable but that is not the case, and now my vaginal problems.. Truly the worst...


Whenever a guy penetrates me and he is just moderately big (15 cm) it hurts sooo bad I can't even explain. Worst is doggy style! I feel like the penis is punching my uterus, and it hurts. I had this as an ongoing problem with a previous guy but I thought that since his penis was really big (18-19cm) that may have been the reason.. But a 15cm penis can't even go all upin me without tremendous pain? My current lover tried to finger me to find the "pain spot" (so romantic lol) and he said he could feel like a very clear vein where I said it hurt. I could really feel it clearly was coming from the area just below my stomach/uterus area. While I was positioning for doggy he tried to penetrate me without going all up in me, just to see how it would go... And it actually went surprisingly well, but when he pulled out he tried to finger me a little and then my vag became all sore?! I told him to take his finger out because I felt sore and it hurts, and it hurt for like 20-30 minutes after.


You would think this would be enough pain for once, right? No it doesn't stop there. If I choose to go through all this pain to satisfy my partners needs and he comes inside of me, I get this overwhelming pain and burning dependant on how much he came in me! The more sperm the worse the pain. With previous guys it helped when they pulled out just before and ended it on my stomach, but I don't want that as a solution! I want to be able to have sperm inside me without this overwhelming pain.. I go out on toilet for 10 minutes, and often feel like I have to pee (common) but I really don't have to! I usually pee right before sex, and the feeling I get of having to pee with sperm inside is comparable with a urinary bladder inflammation. I usually take some toiletpaper with VERY cold water to soothe this pain, but it doesn't help me a lot...


I'm really desperate, all I want is a normal sex life... I don't think my problem is psychological at all, and I have an appointment for a gyneacologist to look at it in about two weeks, but I have had this problem for years with ongoing partners, I have been tested negative for any STDs several times during this period, and am 100% certain it isn't in any way. I don't think it' any kind of fungus either, as far as I remember I've been tested for that as well. Can anyone relate at all? Have overcome this? Heard of this ever before? I feel so alone with all these problems, I know some of them people can relate, but then they are able to climate through other ways... I just feel like a completely sexual failure and it sucks... Even though my partner is very understanding I just feel terrible about this, not just because of him (but that does not help) but also because I wish to feel the pleasure of having sex, and am fearing I never will... My biggest fear (and what I sort of expect) is for my doctor to tell me everything is allright in there, and nothing visible is wrong. But everything feels so wrong...

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I don't have any advice other than to see if the problem is physical or psychological. I am sorry you don't get any pleasure from sex and hope you are able to solve this problem.

I too wish you have a normal sex life with someone you love. But you need to get professional help. But please stop labelling yourself as a sexual failure, you are not.

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Hey guys thanks for the reply, and the message ayami

I called my doctor and made an appointment in about 10 days or so. They haven't told me I will be seeing a gynecologist yet exactly, but I don't see any other solution to this without them seeing for themselves.. I have never been to a gynecologist before, and never had anyone had to look at me "down there" in a not sexual way, so it will be pretty weird I guess... I am just so worried that she will say everything looks fine down there. I'm looking for someone, anyone who is going through the same, or have been going through the same, or knows someone who has who can help me, who knows how this can be diminished in any way.. I know none here are doctors, so I just hoped someone could relate and tell me what may happen, if there is a solution to this, or if it's a chronic "disease" I will have to live with forever.

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If everything is ok physically then seeing a counsellor who deals in sexual issues might be the next step.


There could be many reasons but the good thing is there is a soloution to nearly all sexual problems whether they be metal or physical issues.


Well done on being brave enough to seek help with it all.

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Its hard to tell. You really need to see a specialist (gynecologist) in order to see what the problem is. I understand your frustration as i have the same problem. Any penetration absolutely kills me, i am in so much pain. I have seen the specialists and there is nothing they can do for me.


But it may be that they can help you, all you can do is wait to see the specialist.

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I understand your frustration as i have the same problem. Any penetration absolutely kills me, i am in so much pain. I have seen the specialists and there is nothing they can do for me.


Ouch honesty really hurts thanks, I really hope they do have a solution for me, at least just to some of all these tremendous problems. If just the sperm problem would go away, I think the rest could be tolerable...

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Do not get frustrated – other wise it is difficult to treat such problem by anyone. You must have will power to overcome all the problems.


Some of the thing are not much clear with OP post. Are u able to orgasm through clitoral stimulation ? First you must try for that, leaving about penetrative orgasm. If it is pure physical problem – than only doctors can advise properly.

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Sorry to hear you're in pain - it sounds like a very stressful situation. I totally agree with the other posters who said the best course of action is to attend your doctor's appointment, and if that's with a GP who can't help then ask for a referral to specialist in female reproductive health. At the point, if it's been confirmed that there's no physical problem, it would be a good idea to seek out a qualified sex therapist.


There were just a few things in the language you used that I wanted to talk to you about. The first is, you're not a failure. Whether physical or psychological in origin the pain you feel is real and nobody should expect you to endure it. We don't expect people to run on twisted ankles after all! I'm sure he can live with hand jobs while you figure this out The second is about how urgent the problem sounds, both in terms of satisfying your partner's needs and how desperate you are. Whatever the source of the problem, you need to take the pressure off. Forget about feeling orgasmic, about what other people are doing in their relationships, etc. I promise you in sex there is no such thing as abnormal. Relax, and if something feels good, do it. If it doesn't, don't. Forget about setting targets like bringing yourself to orgasm, or enjoying your boyfriend coming in you - they don't help as you'll naturally focus on them and nobody has good sex when they're worried and tense. Do whatever relaxes you (baths, aromatherapy, whatever) and start with that. Don't rush into overtly sexual touching. Start with other areas of your body and if your ears work, go with the ears! There's no rule to say you / your bf has to come or even touch your vag. If there are no other factors at play then relaxing, taking the pressure off, and just doing what feels good is the best course of action. I knew a girl that had similar problems and by taking things easy and slowly over time she expanded the types of things she could enjoy without pain and is very happy Your bf needs to be on board with this approach, and if he's a good guy, he will be. We talk about satisfying our partner's needs but in reality sex is about a connection between a man and a woman that is physically pleasurable for both. I'm sure there are things you guys can do for him that you both enjoy!

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