How can it hurt for so long.

[Matt_P]

Hey all.

 

Feeling pretty low right now. To keep it short and simple, my ex of 7 years and one of my oldest and closest friends are now in a relationship as of about 7-8 months as far as i know. I was informed of this at new year and i spiralled pretty low then. I've been up and down since. Just found out they've moved into a new flat together. Was really hoping they'd have broken up by now.

 

I have another girlfriend now of 1 and a half years. She's really nice. It's just not the same. I've never stopped having feelings for my ex and I'd go back in a heartbeat.

 

No one really cares how i feel. It hurts every single day. Every. Single. Day.

 

4 years of that? Pretty excruciating.

 

How the hell do i get past this? I desperately do not want to feel like this. I've given up on the reality of us ever getting back together but how do i stop that hurting?

[LonelyGirl10]

I'm sorry to hear that you're in so much pain. Have you considered the possibility that you're dating the wrong person though? Perhaps you can't move on because you haven't found someone as good as or better than your ex.

 

Also, it's not really fair for you to be dating this new girl if you still feel this way. Reverse the situation, and imagine that you just read your SO writing what you wrote. How would that feel?

[SpottiOtti]

Try to focus on other people and what they feel, need, or deserve, rather than getting so bogged down in your own head. Go volunteer, or call a friend you haven't talked to in awhile and let them talk about themselves for the whole conversation.

 

And please think about how unfair it is for you to be pining away for your ex while being involved with another girl. It sounds from your post as though you are using her to distract you from your ex.

 

If your girlfriend read your post here, do you think she might be thinking "Matt_P doesn't really care about how I feel." ? And once she knew how you really felt about her, she would be hurting "Every. Single. Day."

 

Her feelings are just as valid as yours. And so are your ex's feelings. She has the right to be happy and to move on.

[Matt_P]

Yes, I have considered that perhaps I'm unhappy because I've not met the ideal person for me, someone who gets me as much as my ex. I want you both to understand I do love my current girlfriend, I give her no reason to feel unwanted and she knows I love her. I have spoken to her about my difficulties with my ex.

 

Love can come in different intensities, though, I feel. And i gave up long ago thinking i could rekindle something with my ex. Does this mean I should be lonely for a decade waiting on someone who is 'right' for me?

 

I understand what you are saying, i understand why - but i was asking for some advice on how to get past my old relationship so i could be fully involved in my current one, not the advice of how i should break up with my girlfriend because i'm asking for this help...

 

I do appreciate the replies though

[Tierny]

Coming from a relationship where I felt like an abscess tooth, I think in the long run she will appreciate being let go. Time heals all wounds. Its painful to still know your ex exists... i.e know whats going with them. I just think you probably need to think about leaving your new girlfriend because she seems like a rebound ? Or really getting in to her and just purging those feelings.

[SpottiOtti]

but i was asking for some advice on how to get past my old relationship so i could be fully involved in my current one

 

This was my advice for what you asked:

 

Try to focus on other people and what they feel, need, or deserve, rather than getting so bogged down in your own head. Go volunteer, or call a friend you haven't talked to in awhile and let them talk about themselves for the whole conversation.

 

And also to remember that your ex's feelings and needs and desires are equally valid to yours. She has the right to move on even if it hurts you. If you love her, try to be happy that she's happy.