Doing the right thing?

[notsosuperman]

Okay I wanna start out with saying I am proud of myself. I have maintained NC in 4 complete months. Not LC and definitely no facebook looking. Pure NC.

Anyways.. I've decided to come here since I have started to feel a little bit confused and I am not really sure why and I hope you can help me with that.

I got dumped 6 months ago, by the girl I loved and the one I hoped should be my first girlfriend. It was my kirst kiss and blah blah..'

 

 

Back then, she said it would be best if we were not in contact for some time. I was devestated and all I wanted was contact. But I talked to my father before that and he convinced me to NOT contact her and why.

In the start I would google a lot of break-up stories, see if I could relate anything to make myself feel better and realise that I was not alone.

She would contact me after a week asking how I was and saying that she missed me. Stupid as I was, I replied that I missed her too. Did I get an answer? Noooo.. BOOM, instant ego-boost for her.. This is when I started to get a bit mad.

 

A month after that she contacted my again asking how I was, but this time I was cold and just answered "Really great, thanks". (If you wanna see the whole conversation, let me know).

I then told her that she was the one wanting zero-contact, so I just sticked with that. Then she replied and I :

Yeah, and that you should text me when you were ready, because I wanted to keep our friendship.

 

Today I still think "***". How could SHE dump me, and expect ME to contact her? Like the friendship is something she is offering and I have a 30-day mark to accept her offer.. I mean, she did not treat me bad in anyways and she did not cheat.. She treated me really well and was so sweet, but form this very moment I started getting mad at her, because I thought that was/is utterly unfair and I did not like to be played with.

I go the same school as this girl so seeing her almost every 2nd or 3rd day is hard and not good for the healing.

 

 

I just had enough and I started "ignoring" her. Well, ignoring would be her talking to me and me not replying, but I am pretending she is not existing, because I find that the easiest.

Several times at school I have been walking right past her, without even looking at her. I have turned my head a few times and noticed her looking at me.

When going out with friends to local parties etc, I have been ignoring her, walking right past her.. I really dont want anything to do with her. I cant see how that would benefit me in anyway.

 

A month ago I had some kinda hatred against her.. I started to feel mad and I all I wanted was to yell her in the face with the strongest and hardest words, why I would not talk to her.. That faded away rather quickly and I ahve forgivinen her.

 

I hold no grudge towards her. She can f*ck and kiss whoever she wants, I really dont care anymore.. I just dont feel 100% over this yet, because I see her so often..

I really don't know if I am doing the right thing my ignoring her, I mean.. She and her friends might think I am behaving childish because we only were together for 2 months.

But is it so wrong and childish to stay away from something that hurt you when you really put your heart into it? I don't want to feel sad when I can feel good! I am trying to protect myself.. 2 months, sure that is not a lot of time, but I guess that just means my feelings for her were true.. I'm a honest guy.

 

Anyways.. This kinda got on a sidetrack, I had something else I wanted to write but I've forgot. I'll write it if I remember it. I guess it finally rewards me that I can be a cold sh*thead.

 

EDIT: As said I don't hate her, but at the same time, I don't really wish her well in life? I don't care about her.. I don't wish a stranger well in life, because I don't know them.. Am I weird?

[Supersarahp]

How long were you together?

[notsosuperman]

How long were you together?

 

Sorry if the text was too long, but I already wrote that. Last part - 2 months and we were great friends before that, so I duont know if that is the cause for how I feel..