Breaking up when you dont have a lot of friends to fall back on?? Should I do it

[allison2777]

So Ive posted a few times about my situation but here it is again in a nutshell: My GF broke up with me about 8 months ago. She left me with a ton a bills to pay myself plus a new car loan that I couldn’t possibly afford. She stuck to no contact for the first few months and sent me apology email (she knows my number and I never changed it) that was like 3 sentences long. Anyways she hurt me beyond anything I ever felt, 5 years was a long time for us to become attached and grow to love each other in deeper ways. In fact she was my best friend the whole time.

So back in November I met another girl and we began to date. About a month later we started being serious. I wasn’t totally over my ex but I really liked this girl and let her know everything that was going on upfront and agreed to help me work on my issues. Well anyways at first there were little things that she did that bothered me, she was sorta stand-standoffish and wasn’t as adventurous as I was. I really was into working out and fitness and she kinda came off lazy with that sort of stuff even though she always mentioned how she wanted to lose weight (I was attracted to her but thought she could be really hot if she was more active). The biggest thing was she kinda became a person where she didn’t really care about getting to know me, like she would never ask in depth questions of me or my past, and this led me always leading the conversations. She just didn’t come off as a good communicator and although we made great friends I just felt a little lonely sometimes even though we were together or weren’t fighting or anything.

 

So now, 3 months later I feel like the only answer is to break-up and even when I bring this up it doesn’t even kick her into desperate mode to keep me. She always says “well you have to do what’s best for you” and “If I can’t make you happy then yeah we should break up”. I mean she does make me happy in some ways but when I tell her how she hurts me sometimes she acts like I’m trying to change her whole person and doesn’t know why the things she does come off insensitive. Well, we have had this discussion every week practically for the last month and I feel she just doesn’t get it, or she just not equipped to handle someone who needs a little extra emotionally sometimes. Don’t get me wrong I’ve tried to steer her in that direction and tried giving what I would like to receive but it just doesn’t seem to click with her.

 

One thing that’s maybe a light bulb that has gone off is that she always complained that her ex was not a sexual person, like she even got her ex a book about sex positions to kinda give her a hint that she wanted more creativity. I have a pretty big sex drive and love trying new things. But she’s reserved with sex and even though I do enjoy it, I could never see her taking the initiative and trying something new on me or wanting it a different way. I just feel she’s comfortable with the basic stuff but I want more than basic!!

 

So Im just scared to really end it because I only lived in my city for 5 months and although I know a few people she’s the only one who would hang out with me most often. She would be up for doing a lot of things the other people I know wouldn’t be interested in. I just don’t want to be without having someone to call or look forward to seeing. I know if we break-up I’m going to be lonely because I don’t have A lot of friends, especially ones that are as available or are as fun!! But also I can’t stay in a relationship if that person is not fulfilling me emotionally. I just don’t know what to do!!

[brittney87]

Don't take this the wrong way, but it sounds like you are using her. You don't want to be alone, so your avoiding the breakup. You don't want to have nobody to hang out with, so your avoiding the breakup.. The issues that are bothering you, are not minor issues. Maybe she doesn't really show that your weekly arguments bother her because she may possibly be just as tired as having them as you are. I say call it quits before anyone gets too attached.

[squirl]

You can't expect one person to fill all your emotional needs. It sounds like the commitment and attraction are there. Try to make some friends of your own outside the relationship. Perhaps that will take the pressure off.

 

Good luck.

[allison2777]

Thank you all for the replies, it kinda sucks that this doesnt seem to be a popular topic but its been such a challenge for me. Being lonley is my weakness!! Ive even gone to therepy to try to deal with it but it doesnt change the fact that the feeling of lonliness is so intense. But yeah I know what the right thing to do it. I feel if you showed me more attention or that she thought I was an amazing or something I wouldnt get so hurt. Idonno I really do like her but she just doesnt seem enthusiatic about us.

[daddids]

Well, the first few months in a new relationship are supposed to be full of enthusiasm, getting to know each other and stuff. If those things are missing from the beginning, I really cannot see how a strong relationship can be built in the future.

 

Also I agree with brittney87, you are using her because you cannot be alone, that is not fair for her. If you guys are not happy together you should break up and if it is easy for both of you keep in touch and hang out when you feel like.

 

Oh one last thing, loneliness is a thing I, like you, cannot stand. I really hate staying home alone, even for a few hours.

BUT you must overcome this weakness, because only when you do so, you will "find" your real self, who you are, what you can withstand. I went through a horrible break up last year when I was serving my duty in the army, I was long way from home, no friends to talk to, sleeping sh*t hours, eating sh*t food and only talked on the phone with a couple of friends from time to time. It was the worst period of my life, BUT it helped me more than you can imagine. I grew stronger and discovered a side of me even I did not know. Now, a year later I am thankful I went through this.

 

You must go through your weaknesses and fears, not around.

[allison2777]

Sorry for the late response but thank you Daddids for posting. what you said is very true that I HAVE to overcome this fear of being alone. Im actually really trying to put this into practice this week. I did end up breaking up and been in LC for 2 weeks now. I'm really trying to force myself not to run back and focus on myself but gosh I feel I'm goint to break at any moment.