Jack123abc Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 Thanks for reading and offering your opinions. So a friend and I were discussing a situation and both had different views on how this situation would be viewed: Over Xmas my friend was chatting to his cousin (lets say Sarah) (who had in the past unsuccessfully tried to set him up). Sarah mentioned that she may have another girl (Sarah works with said girls mother) that she would like him to meet. He agreed and left it with her to organise. Anyway it turns out this girl was a friend of Sarah's son (lets say Simon). She had taken a liking (mid last year) to Simon but he was not interested but they remained good friends. So my friend wanting to make sure everything was ok with Simon asked his opinion / permission. Simon agreed it would be a good idea and that he would also have a word to her. Anyway over the past 6 - 7 weeks my friend has had various conversations with Simon (none with Sarah). He's maintained that he would get to it but has been flat out as he's been having a few personal issue. Simon has stated that he mentioned it to the girl. My friend is not sure about this because from what he can see the girl and he have had a falling out as she is quiet straight down the line and Simon has "had a few personal problems" lately. Anyway my friend chatted to Simon earlier this week (on FB) and basically said that he would just shoot her a message directly via FB, Simon then suggested she may be seeing someone but my friend viewed this as an excuse so my friend would stop asking Simon about it and because Simon was not in contact with the girl anymore (therefore could not arrange it). My friend asked if he could still shoot her a message as it would be early stages of them seeing each other and that he didn't want to put Simon and Sarah on the spot anymore. Simon has not replied. So questions: 1) Should my friend shoot this girl a message? Both he and I agree he should... its sort of a what has he got to lose. Worse thing that can happen is she can say no I'm seeing someone etc. 2) Would this be viewed as weird? I think not because it sounds like she knows about it (and if not make sure the message refers to how she came up i.e. his cousin mentioned it). He feels this is too forward and could be viewed badly, however he still wants to send her some kind of message as he doesn't want his cousin and her son (Sarah/Simon) involved anymore. Thoughts? Link to comment
EssexMan Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 I don't think it's weird, but it's complicated, and complicated always means there's a potential for stuff to get messy. Since (from what I understand) your friend hasn't even met the girl, and therefore has no idea if he'd like her or she'd like him, life might be easier if he just didn't pursue this one, since there are other people involved.. Link to comment
police750 Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 I don't quite understand why your friend felt he had to ask Simon, Simon said he wasn't interested. Sarah was the one who suggested the "set-up", I would assume Sarah would have at least some information regarding whether or not the girl in question was available. I don't understand why your friend doesn't talk to her (Sarah) about it, say that he's interested in meeting the girl, or even email the girl herself.... Link to comment
bebeblondie Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 I don't quite understand why your friend felt he had to ask Simon, Simon said he wasn't interested. Sarah was the one who suggested the "set-up", I would assume Sarah would have at least some information regarding whether or not the girl in question was available. I don't understand why your friend doesn't talk to her (Sarah) about it, say that he's interested in meeting the girl, or even email the girl herself.... I agree with this....if Simon was not interested in the girl, why do you have to check with him to make sure its ok to go out with her? I also agree that somehow this all got quite complicated, and it didn't really have to be. It's a simple set up and it should be treated as that. Personally since it already has gotten so complicated, I would just let it go....but there's also no harm in your friend just shooting the girl a message about it. Link to comment
Jack123abc Posted February 22, 2013 Author Share Posted February 22, 2013 The reason my friend checked with Simon was because he felt that there could be information about this girl that he had not told his mother, Sarah. He didn't want to go on a date with this girl if Simon had liked this girl or if there had been something happen (or happening) between Simon and this girl. Simon and my friend see each other quiet regularly at family events etc and didn't want to cause issues. I personally think he did the right thing by checking with Simon because he (Simon) knew the girl well. Link to comment
Klokwurk Posted February 22, 2013 Share Posted February 22, 2013 Messaging someone out of the blue is weird, but what the hey? Stranger things have happened! Link to comment
Jack123abc Posted February 22, 2013 Author Share Posted February 22, 2013 I totally agree with both of you, bebeblondie and Essexman and it being complicated. One of the reasons I'm encouraging my friend to send the message is because he doesn't / hasn't had much luck with girls and I kind of just want him to get in the game. In the last 2 years since his last serious relationship he's maybe been on 2 dates (one a setup from Sarah). Even if it ends up being a rejection (which he fully accepts may happen). Link to comment
Jack123abc Posted February 22, 2013 Author Share Posted February 22, 2013 Messaging someone out of the blue is weird, but what the hey? Stranger things have happened! May not be a totally out of the blue message... Simon suggested he had mentioned it to this girl. Even if it is out of the blue you may find that this girl asks her mother, who asks Sarah = not out the blue anymore ;-) Ahh I don't see there being any harm caused by the message... being out of the blue or not. Surely this girl would find the message flattering?? Link to comment
Klokwurk Posted February 22, 2013 Share Posted February 22, 2013 I mean, a message, like a phone call, coming from someone I've never met in real life, I would find that weird, wouldn't you? Link to comment
Jack123abc Posted February 22, 2013 Author Share Posted February 22, 2013 I agree that a phone call out of the blue may be a little off putting but this is just a facebook message... Pretty sure the message will be pretty easy going... she has the choice, to reply or ignore it. FYI - He shot her a message this morning... so now its time to wait and see what happens. Link to comment
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