How Soon...Giddy.

[Strandysmommy]

It is almost 2 months, we were together almost a year. I am done being sad and missing him, now I am just mad as heck and bitter. Thinking a lot about things. Earlier last month I, for the heck of it put my profile up on this local mag's personal's online. My picture and everything. I was blown away at how many people were sending me messages, one guy told me I was his dream girl and to elope with him the next day. It was a huge boost for my self esteem, that's for darn sure. But I started talking to this one guy, who has a LOT in common with me, same interests and all. He said he had kinda shunned the personals thing, but he was pleasantly surprised at reading my profile.

 

We talked via e-mail a bit, but it was really obvious I was still hurt and greiving for my ex. He pointed it out, and I thought about it and came clean, he said he would love to hear from me again down the line, and pick up where we left off, but after I had time to hurt and resolve it all. SOOOO my question is: I am really giddy to email him; the more I think about it, the more I think "GEEE! This guy is GOOD!" But then I get nervous...the whole "Gosh I just shattered by a guy I thought I could trust, my other 2 relationships ended with me getting hurt, why would this one be different?" How does one go into another relationship with good expectations? Also, when does one know one is resolved with their ex? I don't feel peace about it, maybe I never will...? So, yeah thats my question.

[sonjam]

Love has no guarantees.

 

The best you can do is learn from your past experiences, be wiser in choosing your new partners, and give your all in relationships.

 

Don't lose your faith in love, if you do maybe you will be cynical when that one BIG love comes your way, and then you lose it forever? What you can do is take things slow, think things through, and make sure you are with a person that will treat you right. Don't settle for second best!

 

Yes we all get scorned by love sometimes, but it is sooo worth it to have been in love, than to never have loved at all! (cliche, but the truth)

 

Persue this new relationship, but be carefull and make sure you are not just chasing a dream. BUT

 

also first give your heart time to heal. Don't use this new opportunity to help you get over the last one. Then you are not giving it a fair chance.

[bzborow1]

Just don't let your expectations get too high. You are not going to see this guy as a "boyfriend", you are going to meet this guy and see where it goes. Just go with the flow. The attitude, "this is interesting, let's see where this goes".

 

If goes somewhere great, if not...at least you are putting yourself out there. I mean there are no guarantees in life right?

[raccoon]

I completely agree with what's been said. Give yourself time to heal, and meeting new people is part of the process of healing. As long as you're open to the possibility of pursuing a romantic relationship than there's nothing wrong with dating even if you don't feel 100% healed from a past breakup.

 

But do not get your expectations up about this guy being your next 'boyfriend'. Right now, he's just a guy you've been talking to. The dangerous part about dating after a breakup, is that if the new person isn't that interested and stops calling, than the old feelings of rejection come back - and come back hard. Just think of dating as just meeting a new person, having a good time and having fun! no pressure. Doesn't that sound like someone you'd want to date anyway?

 

good luck.

[Mun]

Hello there,

I agree with the other posters.

 

Go slow with this new guy. Get to know him and enjoy the exchanges. Don't go in thinking "relationship", you don't know if you want that yet--remember? Instead have a good time and don't put pressure on yourself or on him.

 

Good luck

[trishcollins]

I totally remember that feeling -- it was just over two years ago for me. All I can say is, think REALLY carefully about how you proceed. I have three times now been someone's transitional person, the one that gets them through there last breakup and then they don't need/want you anymore, including my most recent breakup, where I was dealing with something even more difficult, the death of a spouse.

 

All that to say, I am very cautious about dating right now, because the last thing I want to do, is what my exes have done to me -- start dating too soon and get caught up in the idea of a relationship and not take the person at face value.

 

Don't get me wrong, it's a great ego boost, and there is nothing wrong with dating again -- that's a good thing, but take it slow and make sure you are not just trying to replace the person from before. This is a new person with a whole new set of issues. Before you get into another relationship, make sure you are emotionally strong enough. I often find that when you breakup, you need to be on your own for awhile before you are ready to move into a new relationshp. You need to be able to approach it with "fresh eyes" and not be so anxious to get into something you overlook any "red flags" that might become issues down the road.

 

Good luck!