ExcitedtoSleep Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 I have never had many close friends, let alone a female friend. I am likable but very distant at the same time. I hardly ever communicate with those whom I know other than when I am partaking in an activity with them. I feel that having a friendly relationship with a woman is something I am missing that could potentially make my life more fulfilling. I want to know what kind of situation I will be putting myself into if I attempt to have a relationship with someone with whom I know I will only ever be friends. Additionally, I have no idea what will happen when I approach a girl as a potential friend. I typically get to know people through one on one conversation and I am not sure how a girl would perceive that sort of interaction. Thanks in advance to all those who offer advice. Also, I would be glad to answer follow-up questions if anyone wishes to ask. Link to comment
Kristenelaine Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 Girls are fine with veing just friends as long as there isnt or wasnt any strong feelings there. Dont put any rules or biundaries out there. Just be a friend and say thats all you want. You shouldnt be in a relationship with someone if you only have a friendship feeling towsrds them. The strongest relationships are thise built on friendship. In my opinion tho, the romantic feelings for someone need to be stronger. You can build a friendship and be with someone at the same time Link to comment
EssexMan Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 It's fine. Men and women can very easily be friends. Just be careful to remember once you are friends that you are only friends. If your woman friend gives you a goodnight kiss on the cheek, or jokingly grabs you during a scary movie, she is doing it to someone she regards as a friend - 99% of the time it does not mean she is trying to escalate you to a boyfriend or get physical with you. Link to comment
ExcitedtoSleep Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 Thanks EssexMan. I will definitely keep that in mind when I eventually befriend someone of the opposite sex. Link to comment
EssexMan Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Thanks EssexMan. I will definitely keep that in mind when I eventually befriend someone of the opposite sex. Sure, but don't worry about it, I'm sure it won't be a problem! Link to comment
Not a rookie Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Yes I have many male friends, including my ex-boss who has the hots for me. We have a special connection but could never ever be a couple but I love him, as friends that is. Link to comment
ExcitedtoSleep Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 Yes I have many male friends, including my ex-boss who has the hots for me. We have a special connection but could never ever be a couple but I love him, as friends that is. What do you mean by "special connection?" Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 I agree with EssexMan - men and women can be friends. I know many girls who have male friends. It's nothing unusual. Would you also eventually be looking to have a relationship with a girl (as in being a couple)? Or are you only interested in friendships and nothing else? Link to comment
ExcitedtoSleep Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 Would you also eventually be looking to have a relationship with a girl (as in being a couple)? Or are you only interested in friendships and nothing else? My thought is that if I really connect with a woman, a mutual decision to move past being just friends could be made. My logic may be flawed, but I assume that any woman I befriend will eventually want to make the next step eventually. However, I do not plan on meeting a person expecting anything more than a friendship, and I will definitely not try to pressure someone that does not wish to move any further. Link to comment
EssexMan Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 My logic may be flawed, but I assume that any woman I befriend will eventually want to make the next step eventually. Your logic is devastatingly wrong and...simply illogical. Look up the word "friendzone" if you don't know it (not being sarcastic here). There's a received wisdom that women rarely become lovers/partners with men who are non-romantic close friends. And there is quite a lot of truth in that. Of course there are exceptions, but they are exceptions. I don't know what your relationship history is, but in my experience - and I think that of most people - relationships generally start with some kind of spark or buzz or quick attraction and feeling of being intrigued by the other person. The friendship element of a romantic relationship, while very important, grows later. Conversely, if you start out as friends, there is none of that intrigue. No desperate eagerness to see the other person more, learn more about them...because you've already done all that, in a non-romantic context. I'll repeat, it's not impossible for a friendship to develop into romance. It does happen. But while you say you don't expect anything more than a friendship, the sentence you wrote immediately before that implies that you might, even if you're not aware of it. Link to comment
Not a rookie Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 What do you mean by "special connection?" We feel the same passion for certain things in life. He tells me everything about his life. I haven't told him much but we trust each other 100%. Link to comment
ExcitedtoSleep Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 I don't know what your relationship history is, but in my experience - and I think that of most people - relationships generally start with some kind of spark or buzz or quick attraction and feeling of being intrigued by the other person. The friendship element of a romantic relationship, while very important, grows later. Maybe the fact that I have never felt that spark is the reason why my logic is so flawed. I figured that eventually, through a friendship, it was possible to find that trigger you mentioned. Link to comment
EssexMan Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Maybe the fact that I have never felt that spark is the reason why my logic is so flawed. I figured that eventually, through a friendship, it was possible to find that trigger you mentioned. Just to clarify, I'm not backing the "love at first sight" myth - the spark doesn't have to be that instant. You can have it with a vague acquaintance after a while, for sure. But it's unusual for it to arise from a non-romantic close friendship, although I will repeat, it can. None of it's logical, anyway! What do you really want? Friends, or a girlfriend? Link to comment
ExcitedtoSleep Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 None of it's logical, anyway! What do you really want? Friends, or a girlfriend? Haha. Honestly, I have no idea what I want. Sorry to be that way. Thanks for your help regardless. I think I just realized that I am not ready to even initiate contact with the opposite sex. Thanks for getting me there, though. I may have walked blindly into a scenario that I was neither prepared for nor able to handle rationally. Link to comment
EssexMan Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Haha. Honestly, I have no idea what I want. Sorry to be that way. There's no need to apologise! I think I just realized that I am not ready to even initiate contact with the opposite sex. Women are just people, not aliens. You don't need to make any special effort to be "ready to initiate contact" - really. Link to comment
ExcitedtoSleep Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 Women are just people, not aliens. First incorrect thing you have posted so far. Anyway, I realize that, although I actually have low self-esteem, the idea of turning a girl from friend to girlfriend is just some narcissistic fantasy I have that every girl wants me, they just don't know it yet. In the future, I will try to cut back on the wishful thinking. Realistically, and I realize how absurd this sounds, what would be the reason for me to even attempt a friendship with a woman? The more I think about it, the less I can justify the idea. I guess I may learn to understand women better. Is that it? For what sort of negative aspects would I have to be prepared? Link to comment
EssexMan Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Realistically, and I realize how absurd this sounds, what would be the reason for me to even attempt a friendship with a woman? I would turn the question around and ask, why wouldn't you? Or, why would you need a reason? Looking at your original post, I guess you've had and have male friends. Link to comment
ExcitedtoSleep Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 I feel like I would have to go out of my way to make a female friend. None of the friends that I have associate themselves with females, so I would definitely have to make the friendship happen myself. Also, most of the time we spent together would simply be her and me. Does a male-female friendship allow this sort of arrangement? And how would it even start? Link to comment
Aarya Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 What do you want? Do you want a relationship? Do you want a friend? Why do you want a female friend? Link to comment
ExcitedtoSleep Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 Do you want a relationship? Do you want a friend? At this point, I am having a difficult time distinguishing between the two, but I assume that I am looking for a friend. Why do you want a female friend? I am still trying to figure this one out. Link to comment
Aarya Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Tell me some things you think you would share with this person. What would make you happy? What would make you not happy that you are so concerned about 'getting yourself into something'? What scares you so much? Link to comment
EssexMan Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Does a male-female friendship allow this sort of arrangement? And how would it even start? It's no different from a male-male friendship in that allows for any sort of arrangement you're both happy with, and can start in any way. You're making it into a bigger deal than it needs to be. It is a friendship, and the fact that you are male and female is very very secondary to that. Once you start to think that is an important factor, it kind of implies you're mistaking a friendship for something more. Link to comment
ExcitedtoSleep Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 Gotcha. Thanks man. I will not attempt to force the situation. I will just keep on as usual and let it happen if it happens. Link to comment
Aarya Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Gotcha. Thanks man. I will not attempt to force the situation. I will just keep on as usual and let it happen if it happens. Question1: Do you want the friend to feel something romantic towards you, as long as it leads nowhere? Would that make you happy? Question2: Do you want to feel something romantic towards the friend? Even if it leads nowhere... Link to comment
ExcitedtoSleep Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 Question1: Do you want the friend to feel something romantic towards you, as long as it leads nowhere? Would that make you happy? Question2: Do you want to feel something romantic towards the friend? Even if it leads nowhere... Actually, I can honestly answer yes to both of those questions. I am not sure why. Link to comment
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