My girlfriend has a trigger finger on being angry =SS

[Jaredd]

Hey all,

 

So my girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for 8 months now, and it seems like the lovey dovey stage is over and we're starting to see each other in new lights, or at the very least that's what happened to me starting a month or two ago. Unfortunately, there's this recurring problem of where she becomes annoyed or angry easily, won't tell me about it, and decides instead to shut me out when I try to reach out.

 

For example, we would be hanging at her apartment together and all of a sudden, she would stop talking to me. After fifteen or thirty minutes of badgering her to talk about it, it's usually something simple with no need to get mad about (I'm not being delusional about the situation, I've actually said that to her every time, and this has happened more than once).

 

One other time, I took her to get hotdogs (something she wanted for weeks) after shopping at Costco. Unfortunately, the line was long and after waiting a little, I felt guilty that my brother had been waiting and so asked her if it was okay we didn't get hotdogs, to which she agreed. However, reassessing how she might think about not getting her hot dog, I decide to say we'll stay instead and that it shouldn't be much longer. Instead of the expected "thank you," I was given a snide comment back in what can only be described as the tone of a seven year old brat making fun of someone (no over exaggeration, this was the first time she did this).

 

So, as of now, she got mad at me last night for having classes and not grabbing dinner with her, to which I didn't understand because she usually doesn't eat dinner until 10/11PM anyway and it was 9:30. After she apologized this morning for being angry, she asked me later on if I would have dinner with her, to which I told her I had plans with my apartmentmates. Reaction: Shuts me out, doesn't respond to any text except with the word: "K" and then says it's best I don't talk to her for now because she's PMSing (to which I don't think is a valid excuse for being bitter or angry).

 

 

Am I right in thinking she becomes angry too easily? I was thinking after her "PMSing" tones down, I wanted to talk with her about it. Before, we talked about her anger, and she always asks me if we're willing to make this work (she wants this to be extremely long term, to which I have no problem with trying to do if this whole anger thing subsides), but I was thinking of this time actually telling her exactly how it makes me feel like I'm some type of emotional punching bag or something, because if I was really the person she loved, then there's no reason for me to be her enemy at other times.

[SpottiOtti]

I feel like maybe your GF is on some sort of birth control, or something . . . like her behavior is hormonally influenced. Do you think that is possible?

 

And I definitely think you are right to let her know how her behavior makes you feel, sooner rather than later. Don't let a pattern get established here, where she treats you like an "emotional punching bag" and you don't say anything about it.

[Edmund Exley]

She's not angry. She's immature. Very immature.

[camus154]

She's not angry. She's immature. Very immature.

 

Agreed.

 

Please don't be that guy who caters to such behavior. If she gets snarky about a damned hot dog, then tell her to get off her butt and go find a hot dog stand. If she flips the switch and starts ignoring you over something, ignore her back. People act this way because everyone in their lives up to this point have allowed them to get away with it.

[danielle1973]

I feel like maybe your GF is on some sort of birth control, or something . . . like her behavior is hormonally influenced. Do you think that is possible?

 

And I definitely think you are right to let her know how her behavior makes you feel, sooner rather than later. Don't let a pattern get established here, where she treats you like an "emotional punching bag" and you don't say anything about it.

 

I would agree with this. Some of the many birth control pills I tried made me incredibly irritable. Once I went off them for good, I almost became an entirely different person. Much more easy going, relaxed, and MUCH less irritable.

 

If she's on hormonal birth control, you might want to talk to her about trying something else.

[maysan]

Oops... This sounds a bit like me. I admit I am immature in a relationship like her but the difference is that I talk about.

I think her issues with you are a little deeper than this. Perhaps you should have a good talk with her? I tend to become this little monster when I'm feeling insecure about whether my partner is treating me right or giving me enough attention. If you still want to work things out with her, you have to be very very patient with her and constantly ask what's wrong and not back down until she tells you.

I'm not saying she's right in acting this way but I sort of understand her I guess. No one is mad for no reason. She must be feeling frustrated about something she cannot find in your relationship.

[maysan]

Just to add, I have a feeling that she's not happy with the amount of sacrifices you are willing to make for her. She sounds like someone that needs more reassurance from you, that you feel for her as much as she feels for you.

[poetryandlyrics]

Oops... This sounds a bit like me. I admit I am immature in a relationship like her but the difference is that I talk about.

I think her issues with you are a little deeper than this. Perhaps you should have a good talk with her? I tend to become this little monster when I'm feeling insecure about whether my partner is treating me right or giving me enough attention. If you still want to work things out with her, you have to be very very patient with her and constantly ask what's wrong and not back down until she tells you.

I'm not saying she's right in acting this way but I sort of understand her I guess. No one is mad for no reason. She must be feeling frustrated about something she cannot find in your relationship.

 

I don't agree with this. I don't think it's your responsibility to try to get her to tell her what's wrong. If you both want a mature, adult relationship then both of you need to be willing to communicate more easy than this. Even a "you okay?" "Not now, I'll talk later." can work. It's not your job to reassure her, cater to her, treat her like a child for her needs and whims. You're your own person too, she's forgetting that and is just focusing on herself.

 

Do talk to her as the other posters had said. Be direct and let her know that if this doesn't change, you don't see much for this relationship.

 

And you shouldn't.

[maysan]

I don't agree with this. I don't think it's your responsibility to try to get her to tell her what's wrong. If you both want a mature, adult relationship then both of you need to be willing to communicate more easy than this. Even a "you okay?" "Not now, I'll talk later." can work. It's not your job to reassure her, cater to her, treat her like a child for her needs and whims. You're your own person too, she's forgetting that and is just focusing on herself.

 

Do talk to her as the other posters had said. Be direct and let her know that if this doesn't change, you don't see much for this relationship.

 

And you shouldn't.

 

I'm not saying you have to cater to her every whim and fancy. I'm just saying that perhaps she has problems speaking out or doesn't dare too. I used to be like this because it was my first relationship and I didn't know how to handle it. Maybe she just needs some help and guidance. I don't think all of you should be so harsh on her.

[maysan]

Be fair to her. After all, all of you are only hearing one side of the story. Don't be too quick to judge.

[Edmund Exley]

Be fair to her. After all, all of you are only hearing one side of the story. Don't be too quick to judge.

 

 

He is the one asking how he should deal with the side of the story being presented. We are providing replies based on his feelings.

[poetryandlyrics]

I'm not saying you have to cater to her every whim and fancy. I'm just saying that perhaps she has problems speaking out or doesn't dare too. I used to be like this because it was my first relationship and I didn't know how to handle it. Maybe she just needs some help and guidance. I don't think all of you should be so harsh on her.

 

Well, trying to elicit a response out of her that would explain why she's acting/feeling like that can be a chore and it isn't an adult thing to do if one has to badger or try strategies to figure out what's her deal. She's not a child. He should be treated as a person. She doesn't have the right to be mean.

 

Look, I was like her a bit. A long, long, long time ago. Teen years. Unlike her, when it was quickly pointed out, I was self aware enough to see how I was acting and how it influenced others. It's immature and immaturity have no place in relationships.