Am I just setting myself up for failure?

[evensteven]

So if youve read any of my previous posts, this will sound insane...

Well, about 2 weeks ago I met with my ex to get some paperwork signed off on. Things got out of hand quickley to us screaming at eachother. I started to leave and he walked out after me. He said, "Why did you do this? **** I love you." So I tried to explain and he kissed me and I kissed back. We didnt say a word after the kiss and both just walked away. It was pretty intense.

The days following, I have recieved a few heatbroken texts from him. Then last weekend, he invited me out for dinner. I said ok and picked the most expensive place I could because I'm still mad at him for how he acted in the relationship. It was weird at first. It felt like we were on a first date. I tried to stay stong and keep serious but I couldn't. We had an amazing dinner. We talked about why he wanted me to come there. He said he wanted me back, that he's sorry for everthing he did. I told him I'm not moving back in and I'm creating my own life outside of him. He said that he wants to take it slow and date me and that he just wants me to fall in love with him again. During this whole time he's holding my hand, kissing my cheek.

Over desert, he says that he doesn't want the night to end. I agree, and we find a place to stay that's close. The next morning he asks me on another date. I know he wants me back. I'm not sure if I want him back. I feel free now, I'm not stressed anymore. But at the same time, when he calls I melt. So, I wrote out a letter of how I felt about it. I also wrote a list of things hes needs to do to better himself if he wants me around. I plan to give this to him the next time I see him. I am just weary about this whole thing. I would love to believe that we could date and eventually get back to where we were. But I don't know that he can change the things that he was doing wrong.

Am I just setting myself up for failure?

These dates are just so fun and exciting. I don't feel upset after when we don't go home together but I look forward to them. I guess it's so nice to see this side of him again. The last 6 months we were together it was all stress and I barely saw him because of his work. So now I'm getting to see the side of him that I saw the whole first year we were together. I don't know.

[rosasnyder811]

If you have these feelings for each other, why would you want to separate? Take is slow and see what happens. Things tend to work out if you let them.

[Edmund Exley]

I think you need to leave him alone and figure out exactly what it is you want. Its seems there is a lot of unfairness going on here.

[Edmund Exley]

I just read this

 

 

 

You should really read this.

[rosasnyder811]

You two need to stay in contact and discuss these things together. You need to be honest about your feelings for each other, because I think that from what your saying---the communication is the bottleneck here. There is some obvious fear here on both sides.

The only way to overcome that is to talk about it.

[Edmund Exley]

You two need to stay in contact and discuss these things together. You need to be honest about your feelings for each other, because I think that from what your saying---the communication is the bottleneck here. There is some obvious fear here on both sides.

The only way to overcome that is to talk about it.

 

Actually if you read her previous threads, communication isnt the issue. Its an abusive relationship and he is trying to woo her back into it

[pl3asehelp]

You asked him to take you to an expensive place because you have a grudge? Low class. And he abused you? Unforgivable. Neither of you should be in a relationship right now, particularly not with each other.

[Edmund Exley]

Do you think he really isnt going to do this anymore???

 

 

 

Could this be the reason he wants you back??

[rosasnyder811]

I take back everything I said. Why are you making a second thread? Keep things together because it's very difficult to follow what is going on. You are showing signs of "battered person syndrome"--- where you are falling into a pattern of going back to what you know because it's "comfortable."

Break the pattern, because at this point, not only is HE controlling you and abusing you--YOU are abusing yourself by putting yourself in a situation to allow it to continue.

[rosasnyder811]

Does he abuse his children?

[evensteven]

No he's never even spanked his kids. To think about it, I've never even seen him yell at them. The times he would swear at me probably added up to 10 times. It really hurt and I can see how this is borderline abuse. Our relationship was Terrible for the last 6 months. It was like he was a completely different person. I've known this guy for 10 years and we dated for 2. I don't know this guy that has come out recently.

[evensteven]

Thanks, it really is hard to tell what's considered abuse. He's pretty much all of the intimidation part. That really opens my eyes.

[evensteven]

Yes this could be why he wants me back. I doubt he will find someone to treat his kids like i did. I really don't know at this point. He rarely apologized for anything he did or said. He minimized all of this. When I left he didn't try to stop me so really this is all quite a shock.

[appies]

When I first read your post I was thinking you should give it a chance. But now seeing how he treated you, you should just walk away, you got out of a terrible relationship without being killed. The worst is over, don't go back. Anyone who chooses abuse does not deserves a second chance. And even if he is to change it will take years, no one changes over a span of weeks or a few months.