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She lost her trust in me and fears coming back.

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My wife and only friend of 25 yrs has lost her trust in me after I told her three years ago of my infidelity from 20 yrs prior, it was a one time sex only. After that night I have never done it again. I carried the guilt for 20 years and it was ruining our lives and I had to come clean. It created a monster in me that was always jealous, mistrusting and controlling of her and now I realized that the fear of losing her was doing this. The fear stopped after she left and asked for a divorce. Since then I've accepted that she may never come back and only she alone will make that choice. We have 3 sons, 11, 17, 21 staying with me.

We've been talking all along with no arguments, just talking about all the bad and good times in our lives, getting it out of our systems.

She asked me if she was to come back how I would keep from having the fear of losing her again.

I said the fear is gone and if you were to come back I believe in myself that I will be okay and so will the boy's and not fear the future for what could happen each day and live life the way I've always wanted to as me with out the guilt of 20 years ago.

Three day's later she said she has a fear of me and can't trust me. I accept and understand that, she said she can only trust the boy's.

I know deep down in her heart she is a good person and I hurt her so much that she may never trust anybody again, I'm worried about her and asked her to seek help for herself.

We are still doing things together like going to the gym, dinners at home, lunches out and talking on the phone every day about how we feel and what happened during the day.

I know the only way to regain her trust is for me to be there for her and let time do the healing and if she is willing to make a leap of faith I can be that person she married 23 yrs ago, without the fear, that will let use live a life we never knew.

Is this asking too much? or should I let go so she can be happy without me in her life?


any comments good or bad.



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I think she just doesn't know what to think. It must have hurt her to hear about what you did. Who wouldn't it hurt? I think she loves you and wants you, but she might be telling herself that she needs time.


I think what you are doing is really good. You are still talking and not arguing. I think the more you do this, the more she will trust you.


If you love her, don't give up. You haven't lost her completely. Time will help her. Just be there for her. She will soon realize that you love her so much and would never do anything like that again. Just understand how she's feeling.

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