Where should the loyalty lay?

[jessijess]

Here's the scoop. Two of my friends are getting divorced. I havent actually seen or talked to either one in a few months but I was always closer to the girl (Amanda). She was in the wrong in their marriage, I know that. She got married very young & felt liek she missed out so she was unfaithful. But anyway... she more or less walked out & left her 3 kids behind. Now some of her husbands friends are taking up a collection to help him pay off lawyer fees & to help him raise the kids.

As much as I want to help him out, I feel like I'd be stabbing Amanda in the back. She went about everything the wrong way & I know that. I truly do think that her husband deserves the kids for alot of reasons.

 

What do you all think I should do?

[TheMailMan]

Talk to her...

 

but Support the Guy... you have to... she is the one who caused the problem... plain and simple...

 

i dont care if she feels like she hasnt had enough "fun"

 

Thats bull... she has an obligation to that family... and someone needs to tell her that...

[sisterlynch]

As best as you can, tell them that you are trying to support both sides. Don't lie, just don't get to deep into the problems that they are dealing with. Their problems will only hurt you and confuse you -- so don't buy into their story telling.

 

I don't know if I would give money to a friend, I bet a nice gift would be to watch the kids sometimes to give him a break...

[bzborow1]

So you are friends with both? Are just one of them initially? Honestly, I think you should take NO sides in this. You don't have to give money to the husband, other people are doing that. I mean you could just tell them (if they even ask why you didn't) you're in an awkward situation and don't want to be put in the middle.

[guy40az]

If you are in a finical position to help him out I think you should do so. It don't make any difference what caused the split up or what she or he did. It sounds like he really needs some finical help and with the kids involved and no that he is a single parent im sure he could use all the help he can get. Even if you were not friends with him at all I don't see how she could look badly on you for helping him out

[SaSaRai]

I think you should talk to Amanda about it, and try to figure out her problem and maybe give her the courage to get back to where she needs to be... with her husband and kids. What's in the past is in the past and those kids need her! Maybe she just needs someone to talk to but doesnt have a "close friend" like a best friend that she can trust.......

[odysseus77]

you must look at the situation objectively, forgetting who you are closer to, and decide who is in the wrong here...from your description it is the girl, so you must take the guys side...you cannot support her actions in any way at all

[jessijess]

Thanks for all your advise. I was just hanging out with one of the husbands friends & I talked to him a little about it. He's the one who brought up the fact that I must feel torn so at least I know everyone knows where I'm coming from. And I think I am going to offer to babysit one nite so that he can go out & play with his band. If I were in his shoes a little normalcy would help me out alot.