Strong desire to break NC - please HELP!

[monkey2012]

I’m struggling today.

It’s been more than 1 month since the BU and last week he texted me asking how I was. I’ve deleted the text without replying.

Today though I really want to talk to him.

And I have this idea in my head that he will say that it’s all been a mistake…even though I don’t think he will.

He was perfect for me. We had such a great time together and loved each other so much. I still don’t understand what’s happened and it’s so difficult to move on.

I think I’ll never meet anyone like him and it makes me so sad.

We should be living together now (the plan was for us to move in together in January) and it kills me every time I go home by myself.

I’m trying to keep busy, meet new people, exercise, etc but nothing makes me happy.

Any words of wisdom appreciated

[matti]

Just stay in NC... If he really wanted to get a hold of you to tell you anything important, he wouldn't have only text once. I would have tried multiple times. After that he may have also tried to call, send an email, see you in person, etc. So, obviously he doesn't have anything important to say if he gave up after one text.

 

I know exactly how you feel. I wish my ex would desperately try to get a hold of me. But, thus far it hasn't happened and I fear that it probably won't be the case for a good while, if ever.

[MasterPo]

I wish I could tell you otherwise but no, maintain no contact for now. If they really want you back, believe me they will find a way and they won't be subtle about it. A whole different headache so just be aware you might have to deal with that as well.

 

Can't give you coping strategies as you have done all I would have suggested. I wish you luck.

[monkey2012]

Sometimes i just think that if I speak to him now after 1 month he will be able to see that he's made a mistake...that he doesn't have doubts anymore and we should be together.

I know it's wrong and I know I shouldn't do it...

And i know if he wanted to be with me he would find a way.

It just hurts so much!

[MasterPo]

Sometimes i just think that if I speak to him now after 1 month he will be able to see that he's made a mistake...that he doesn't have doubts anymore and we should be together.

I know it's wrong and I know I shouldn't do it...

And i know if he wanted to be with me he would find a way.

It just hurts so much!

 

Well my friend. Most of us have covertly ripped the cover off of NC and survived. If you feel strong enough and go into it knowing there is gonna be pain involved, well.. nobody is going to stop you. All we do is advise.

 

Some find comfort in the act and some find it hell on earth. I wish you luck with it and it only hurts for so long. Remember that. It isn't forever although it may seem that way.

[nookbridge]

We all have those struggles, and I fell and tripped over myself so pathetically about my last girlfriend that we would all laugh! And I was the dumper. You have these up and down in emotions, and guess what, so does he! The "concern for you" tactic my ex has played with me maybe 5 or 6 times. She's gone far enough to falsely accuse of restricting my FB account, and then tell me to leave her off, then call the next morning and act like nothing happened. These are all tactics to keep you around. If he cared, he would have made a concerted, sincere effort to come to you and deal with things. He's testing you to see where you are. Do not answer, unlike me, who did it every time. You will in fact pull him back by remaining mysterious, if that is indeed something you want. Either way you win: he wonders what the heck is going on and is more interested, and you don't have to drag yourself through contact, which sounds good. Stay strong on this hard wave, and everything will be ok tomorrow!

 

I think your 5th sentence is evidence enough to hold off. In my head I think... even though I don't think he will. You have an internal clash, and you might slip if you enter contact, and do something you'll regret. Hold tight, do all the things you listed + right down every time you wake in the morning what you would love to be doing right now if you didn't have to go to work. Do you like sports? Do you like music, movies? Do you like to read? What are your true passions? Adventure? Figure it out, channel yourself through that stuff that makes you, and only you, happy. Get together with others via forums or community groups and instantly you're already finding one group of people that have something in common with you, and you're automatically one step closer to finding a better compliment for you. Stay strong... or be at least stronger than me!

 

Life is what we make of it too. Our mind has this power to make us think things are better than they are! Give yourself the opportunity to move on and open your horizons. I crossed paths with an amazing girl 1000 km away 4 days after we initially met for 3 days. No idea where should be, and to meet someone in the middle of nowhere. I had such bad stomach flu that I couldn't lift my head to say goodbye to her. Tomorrow is an amazing prospect for anything.

[monkey2012]

Nookbridge, you are so right. I didn't contact him yesterday and I won't contact him. I need to be strong. If he really wanted to be with me, to talk to me, he knows where I live, he has my phone number, email address, etc...

It's just so hard to understand how an amazing relationship can die like this...

I think this is why I feel i need to contact him: to make him see that we are perfect for each other. The week before the BU we were on holiday telling each other how much we loved each other, having a great time and just being happy. And then out of the blue: the end.

Sometimes I feel if I could only speak to him and make him see...but I know I can't. It was his decision and if he decided to break up that means he didn't see our relationship as I did. What I thought it was perfect wasn't perfect for him.

Thanks for your advice.

I guess I just need to hear over and over again so I can come to terms with it all.

I have to believe that good things will come my way. We all do right?

[lovepugs86]

I know how you feel.. me and my ex have been NC for almost 3 weeks and everyday I struggle with wanting to contact him. It's true what everyone is saying though, if he really wants to talk to you he knows where to find you. If he thinks he made a mistake he needs to realize that on his own. If you contact him and start asking questions it will just push him away. Great things will definitely come your way!!! You just have to be patient.

[nookbridge]

Meh, I don't think I'm right or wrong, it's just our own evolution as people. I think you did the correct thing by not contacting him, not because of what we say, but because you thought it through, you weighed you pros and cons and decided, yes, it's wrong. Breaking NC is ok, it's just you have to make sure you know why you wish to contact this individual, what is the best thing that can happen, what's the worst, what are your expectations and are they realistic or fantasy. Evaluate it on paper, then walk to the store or go to the park. Reflect and just let your emotions feel what society is. It's a jumbled mess, and we're not supposed to know everything. People are kinda wacky, but each in their own adorable or sadistic way. We can't help it! All we can do is out best and accept that others try not to make mistakes, but do. It looks like your ex might have made a one-off mistake. I don't want to justify his actions, because one's heart is the most beautiful thing one can give to another person, but we have to accept that it's ok, despite the incredible hurt you feel. And I hate speaking like this to you, because I was there, even as the dumper, and I hated it when people with a cool head said these things! We all error, but remember, he rejected the most beautiful thing on this planet in his eyes 1 month ago. We need to have to have 100% assurances he won't do this again ever and he realizes what he's entering himself into. Irregardless, he has to come to you and say, I screwed up, this is why I screwed up and this is why I value you and justify why you are the person I want to share the best and worst of you and I with. You need this, and only this from him. I don't need you to send me messages asking whether I'm ok, or not. You have a mother, father, brothers, sisters and best friends who give a crap, and you only to respond to those people, people who love you unconditionally. Your ex, heck no. So, only until he does that can you move on to the reconciliation phase. But this is stepping way ahead of us now.

 

I mean, if he sees it as perfect or not, is not important. He said no to your heart. He rejected the most beautiful thing you own. It's as simple as that. I'm assuming you selected an intelligent mate in your ex, so he should know this, and if he doesn't, well, he's not the man for you. It's early days, but I think it'll make more sense as the days go by. It only made more sense to me now, 6 months to the day of me dumping my ex. I don't think good things come to people necessarily. I prefer to think people have to actively seek out positivity, and along the way, you'll be exposed to more positive opportunities. From there, you can decide what you want or don't want. But I think with every experience, success or failure, you begin to learn what you want better and better, and when you know what you want, you become empowered. You'll be able to share your life with a more compatible person, or as Nattersmatter says, a person of your calibre (I hate better, no one is better than anyone else). But as my therapist says, you can only love when you are whole, so become whole. Fill your life with awesomeness, and you'll find someone who can't get enough of you!

 

I feel for you right now, but I know you can do it. There is light at the end of the tunnel, trust me. You sound like a catch, just remember that!