DJ_Element Posted November 6, 2004 Share Posted November 6, 2004 Let me just introduce myself and her briefly. I live in Cape Town, South Africa. She lives just outside San Francisco, California, USA. Yes, thats a HUGE distance...literally half a world away. I'm 19, she's 18. I have just gotten a job, it doesn't pay much but it keeps me going for now. Neither of us or our families are well off - so we can't just pay the $2000 / ZAR13000 to get on a plane. We are both quite shy, quiet people who would rather curl up with a good book than go to a party. She and I are also relative newbies to the whole relationship thing...especially me, I am totally clueless. Now, back to the beginning. We met online through a non-dating website (if you must know...it was link removed) - I saw her profile and needless to say I nearly fainted, she is so beautiful. So I sent her a message and it turns out that we feel the same about what we want from a partner. So we have been together for just over 4 months. I love her madly, I think about her all the time, my choices I make in life these days have her as a factor (i.e. "What would she think about this...would she like this?") I know we haven't met yet, and for financial reasons we won't meet for a little while still, we have both told each other that we love each other. We communicate quite a lot, despite the 8-hour time difference. There are a few problems though. And here is where I start listing them Her and I are different in that I am very vocal and I am constantly expressing my affection for her, talking about her, telling her she's beautiful, giving her poems and songs that I wrote and produced. The problem with this is that she sometimes doesn't really respond to it, and she doesn't let me know how she really feels about it. In fact, it's not just when I give her something...In general she's a very quiet person who doesn't share her feelings as much as I do (by far.) We have discussed this between us, I told her that sometimes I worry because I don't know what she's thinking or feeling and I don't know whether I'm doing the right things or not. She apologized to me, saying that she's always been like that but she'll try and change it. Now there have been times where she's said something innocently that shows me she truly cares...little comments that come up out of the blue that make me feel like a million bucks...but it doesn't happen often. Basically, the problem is, I think she's either struggling to change it, or hasn't tried at all, because she's still not very expressive and basically doesn't let me into her mind. Now question #1) Am I being unreasonable by asking her to try let me into her mind like that? I don't want to CHANGE her, just want her to know that she can tell me everything and that I want to know everything that she's feeling...but maybe I am pushing her too much (and as such possibly pushing her away...which she tells me I'm not) Questions #2,3,4 and 5) Should I be worried that she's not being very open with her feelings? Could she be scared of opening up to me? If so, what can I do to help her come out of her shell? Am I going about this in the wrong way? Okay, then there's another thing...we've discussed serious issues like moving to be together...and I get the feeling that although she wants to be with me, she doesn't want to leave her family, friends and life in general behind...or rather...she's SCARED to leave them behind. Financially it makes more sense for her to move to South Africa, as I am nurturing a career here in webdesign. I have assured her that I will take care of her and together we can make it though. She is still on the fence, uncertain of what she wants to do. At first it seemed as though she really wanted me to come there and now she's a little more on the neutral side. I am also scared, I don't particularly want to leave my home either...so I know how she feels. I have told her that if it's the only way we'll be together, I would move to the USA for her, despite it not being the best thing financially. Now for the questions. Question #1, 2 and 3) Is it normal for there to be fears of moving like that? Is it also normal for her as a woman to be naturally more fearful of a big change like this? Is there anything I can do to make her less fearful of moving? Question #4) What can I do to convince her to move here with me and letting me take care of her?? I love her so very much, and I know she loves me deep down, and I realise that this is just another test of a long-distance love, but I really need some help, or someone to help me see the light!! I would greatly appreciate the help, and I apologize for the major length of this post! Quote Link to comment
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.