Moving on too fast?

[regger]

So I was with a guy on and off for 6 years. I am 22, he was quite emotionally abusive and towards the end, sexually assaulting me. Read my previous threads if you don't know the story. This caused me to literally end the relationship in my head, was withdrawn from him, etc for quite some time. I don't know whether its because of that essence that I had let go of the relationship a long time ago, as in emotionally "checked-out" they say. I feel like I am moving on too quickly....I have grieved for 4 months now and feel much better in myself. I have been talking to a guy for about a year now, and was friendly chatting with him throughout the last year of the relationship and I believe sharing my experiences with him gave me the last push to finally walk away from the relationship as he could see and tell me things were not right. Now, I feel like I have some underlying feelings for this guy that were pushed down from being in this bad relationship. We talk nearly everyday, we just click so well, he is kind, considerate, respectful and gentle...we just have a "thing" lol hard to explain, we just get along so well. I see him each week as we go to the same uni, I want to pursue it...but then I don't cos I feel like its way too soon. Gosh. There is definitely something there and he knows it as well. I find myself thinking about him throughout the day, at night its doing my head in. Do you think it's a rebound when...I've known and been talking to him for this long? I just don't know what to think! If anything was to happen...it would need to be taken vverrryyyyyyyy slowly. gah. help!

[sharky988]

I think you should go for it. After being stuck in an abusive relationship for 6 years, you deserve some happiness now!

 

Good for you -- and good luck with it.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Sadly you are falling into the typical trap of what happens to women in abusive relationships...they need a man around and usually they latch on to a man while still IN their abusive relationship and over time wean themselves off the abuser and to their "saviour" who helped them see the light and get out of their abusive relationship. By transferring affections like this it is not really healing. What often happens is the "saviour" knows too much about what you went through and knows all your weaknesses and vulnerabilities and eventually starts his own abusive behaviour. I have seen that scenario often enough on this forum. Bottom line is that you never had the chance to actually be single and alone because you were clinging to another man as a crutch before ending the relationship with your ex and remained clinging to him like a crutch right after the break up and beyond. I don't think you should start a relationship with this man because basically he served as your therapist during this process.

[regger]

I don't need a man at all. I truly wasn't looking for anything to be honest. I only spoke to him once about the relationship and whether that certain incident was "normal". He didn't help me "see the light", I did, my mother did, my sister did, my dad did, his best friend did, his own mom did. This guy knows nothing of what went on at all, I have other guy friends whom know everything and I don't use them as a crutch. Sorry if I made that unclear!