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Sex drive went from 100% to 0% in 5 months...what's going on??


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I'm a healthy 23yr old woman living with my boyfriend of 2years. I care about him deeply. I don't want any other man but him, but my sex drive has totally disappeared which is really unlike me.


We've barely been out of each other's company in that time. Literally. We're in the same major and we have to talk ALL of the same classes. We commute together, study together, have the same friends, everything. The only time I'm not in the same room with him at any given time in a month is when he's in the washroom. No exaggeration. And we live in a tiny 400 square feet apartment, and 96% of our waking time is spent in a single tiny living room.


He went away for Thanksgiving weekend last year and my drive came back 200%, which was weird and confusing.


Could being around eachother too-much be why my sex drive has slowly gone from 100% to 0% over 7 months? I have always LOVED sex with him. At first I used to need 3 orgasms/day with him and wanted to be giving oral sex all the time. It's all gone now, and it's freaking me out. I hate not wanting sex, because it's something I've always loved and it's something I've always considered important in a relationship.


My boyfriend wants sex everyday and of course I feel bad (and pressured) because I'm not interested. I'm used to my downstairs getting aroused by the smallest of things, and no it's dead down there unless I put an exhausting amount of effort into arousing myself. I'm otherwise very happy with him in general...we live a great life together.


I do have a long sob-story past (molested by my brother as a kid, raped by a priest and a landlord and my exboyfriend)and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder because of all of that. My hormones are always crazy and I tend to bleed for over half of each month. I fell pregnant (accidentally) last year and lost the baby.


Last summer I started seeing a psychologist about my PTSD but within a month I was feeling worse than ever and it took me a few months after stopping therapy to recover. I think that kind of jumpstarted my lack of sex drive. I'm feeling much better about all of that now (as well as I can feel) so I don't think that's what is getting in the way of my sex-drive...so I just don't know what to do.


I don't want to live in a sex-less relationship any more than my boyfriend does. Having a low sex-drive is so unlike me and, while I believe this is temporary, I know that its getting in the way of my life.


So....any suggestions? Neither of us are getting much exercise...do you think that might help us?

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I would recommend trying to have sex on a schedule. Resolve to have sex at least (pick two or three arbitrary weekdays) Tuesday and Thursday, per se. And stick to it with commitment. The funny thing about sex hormones is that once they are triggered, the body makes more and more of them. So the only way to likely get out of your rut, is to have sex. (:


Good luck!

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Yes, usually exercise helps.


And if you feel you're really addressing your past issues, continue to do so. That can only help. But I guess I wouldn't be surprised that if you're actively addressing such trauma that your drive will be lowered for awhile.


But being around each other nearly 100% of the time is definitely the worst thing you can do. I'm surprised that you only have lost your sex drive as opposed to just hating him completely....kind of kidding. Relationships require personal space. If he's just become this mundane, always-there thing in your life, how is that sexy? How is that alluring?


Can you get a bigger apartment? Something with at least 2 rooms?

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Horny goat weed. Seriously. Look for it. Buy it. Use it. In 24 hours? You'll be like a pornstar.


I haven't used this myself but I worked at a health food store and they sold it in tea form, it's pretty cheap and really natural, nothing to be afraid of. It's like $5 for a box of tea bags. Look in the herbal tea section of your local health food store or order it online. Great suggestion!

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