contrarymary Posted January 26, 2013 Share Posted January 26, 2013 Ok so back in October my ex and I got back in touch....at the end of our communication this is what he said : *name*, I only ever needed to take one look at you to know just how you felt… I always thought it was the same for you, maybe not… I think of you always, every time I drink tea or eat cake, every time I walk past that theatre in Windsor or hear piece of music I think you’d like, I mean the other day I walked past the little road by a pub where I waited that time I dropped you at hsbc, it stopped me in my tracks just remember you… what im trying to say is that I’d be surprised if a single day has passed where you haven’t been on my mind… but despite that, the reason why I have tried so hard to “ignore” you is that I’ve just been so scared of hurting you more, I can’t bare the thought.. but at the end of the day, I hope this is isn’t the last time we speak, truth is life is always better with you around, but, as long as you think of me as you say above, and not how you said earlier, then that’s all I can really ask. anyway, time for me to get some rest, goodnight *name* then several months later I randomly sent him a message saying he should listen to the the band 'the lumineers' and he replied saying he thought he'd sent me another message and wondered why I hadn't replied to his last one, asked how I was etc so I replied and after a bit he sent me this song...I know I know I'm probably reading WAY too much in to it...but what would you guys think if you got this song too? link removed ---Kodalines cover of Latch Link to comment
contrarymary Posted January 27, 2013 Author Share Posted January 27, 2013 No answers at all?! Please guys! Link to comment
sharky988 Posted January 27, 2013 Share Posted January 27, 2013 Well, he's ended the romantic relationship, but would like you in his life as a friend (and possibly to keep you on the back burner as an option in the future.) Me personally, I wouldn't have the patience for this type of communication. If he has something to say to you, he can say it directly, not sending a song. If he's willing to let months go by of no communication -- and risk losing you to someone else -- that tells you what you really need to know. It's easy to send off a song link -- but I wouldn't spend too much time trying to figure out what it means. The way I see it, the only thing that's truly worth your time and attention is a message from him saying that he's made a huge mistake and wants to get back together. Link to comment
contrarymary Posted January 27, 2013 Author Share Posted January 27, 2013 He also friend requested me today...I'm not sure I mean it's been 2 years now since we broke up and I don't think you can really approach it with an immediate 'I want to get back together' because neither of us would really be sure because we don't know each other as well as we used to.... You think because he didn't contact immediately as he found out he wasn't moving to italy I should move on and not even think twice about second chances? Link to comment
contrarymary Posted January 27, 2013 Author Share Posted January 27, 2013 How have I managed to get sooo many views and only one reply?! Please I'd love to hear some more advice everyone... Link to comment
seoulmate Posted January 27, 2013 Share Posted January 27, 2013 He also friend requested me today...I'm not sure I mean it's been 2 years now since we broke up and I don't think you can really approach it with an immediate 'I want to get back together' because neither of us would really be sure because we don't know each other as well as we used to.... You think because he didn't contact immediately as he found out he wasn't moving to italy I should move on and not even think twice about second chances? If it's been 2 years since you broke up then this isn't a 'second chance'...that's where your thinking is taking the wrong step. It's obvious that your still stuck in the past relationship...you analyze his every word (or ask us to analyze it)....you are now wondering about his friend request and his other small actions. This is just him leading his daily life but you are looking at from the point of view "is he looking to reconcile?" and that is where the two of you - quite obviously - are walking on two different paths. What this leads to is further analysis each time you communicate or each time you meet. But the only analysis being done is by you... Why all the analysis?...especially after 2 years Link to comment
sharky988 Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 He also friend requested me today...I'm not sure I mean it's been 2 years now since we broke up and I don't think you can really approach it with an immediate 'I want to get back together' because neither of us would really be sure because we don't know each other as well as we used to.... You think because he didn't contact immediately as he found out he wasn't moving to italy I should move on and not even think twice about second chances? I'm sorry I misunderstood -- in your OP you only mentioned a few months of no communication. If it's been two years.... actually, I still agree his communication is too vague to merit your scrutiny. If he's truly interested, he'll make it clear. Ambiguity could give you the wrong idea and if he was really into you he wouldn't want to risk it. I've gotten direct messages from long ago exes about wanting another chance -- when people are interested they're perfectly capable of letting you know in a direct way. I agree with Seoulmate you're probably giving each interraction more significance than he is at this point.... in your shoes I'd be distancing myself emotionally and making him work much harder to get your attention. Link to comment
zep Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 I just don't think there is much there. His message seems nostalgic but definitely not talking about getting back together. If he was interested in re-starting things I think he would be sending you small messages trying to get small talk started. Why don't you try the small talk thing, just "hey, how are things going blah blah" and see what happens. Link to comment
contrarymary Posted January 28, 2013 Author Share Posted January 28, 2013 Thanks guys! I think you are all right, fortunately I am no where neeear in the same place I was when it first happened! I don't mind if he just wants friendship...I think it's bit unfair to say he's keeping me on the backburner! It's been a long time since we were together, I have been dating other people since and I'm sure he has too, I think it's probably just a reconnection, i mean if it happened again it happens if it doesn't it doesn't. I don't hold any resentment or longing for him now so if I don't have any other messages from him it doesn't hurt me like it would have done in the past. I do however, have a problem of reading too much in to things as you all say! So I'm sure his song and getting back in touch is really just friendly as you all say Link to comment
dumPI Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 I think if this is causing you any struggle is because you can't see him 100% as just a friend. That's two years after break up. You survived without him, so why are you scared of asking him about the motivation regarding his contacting you? Deep down you see this as another chance and are scared to miss it. It can be he is trying to test the waters, and that could be good with you (if you so think) but honesty from his side must be there from the beginning. And here I agree with seoulmate. You are not completely healed, past the old relationship. Otherwise you could test the waters yourself with him without the need to overthink. Link to comment
Isolation28 Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 I think if this is causing you any struggle is because you can't see him 100% as just a friend. That's two years after break up. You survived without him, so why are you scared of asking him about the motivation regarding his contacting you? Deep down you see this as another chance and are scared to miss it. It can be he is trying to test the waters, and that could be good with you (if you so think) but honesty from his side must be there from the beginning. And here I agree with seoulmate. You are not completely healed, past the old relationship. Otherwise you could test the waters yourself with him without the need to overthink. This is true. You need to let go of the old relationship before you start something new. Being friends with your ex doesn't mean being friendzoned like everyone thinks it is for some reason. There is a chance as long as your ex sees the person he met. As long as you still have feelings and hopes for him, then you must stay away as you may damage yourself more. Link to comment
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