9 months on

[lost4836]

I am 9 months on after a terrible break up due to his emotional affairs.

I took the time to heal, focus on work, meet new friends. I thought 2 weeks ago I was ready to start maybe consider dating. I joined a site.

 

Last night I had a dream and today it feels like day one of the break up. I miss him. I couldn't breathe when I woke up.

I don't know if this has come because I started looking into dating others? So far it has not been a positive experience. Or is this a sign I am not over him, possibly want to work it out again?

 

A brieft history. He had 3 emotional affairs. After the third, even though I forgave, I couldn't move past it and just had no trust for him, felt like I had to constantly watch him like a hawk. It was exhausting. We were together 5 years

 

Since the break up he has always tried to win me back. Even a few days ago I received a very powerful email with his feelings/thought/promises etc. I try to ignore. But now I am at the point where I think '9 months on, why is he still around? Why hasn't he moved on and found someone since it seemed to be what he wanted when we were together.'

I cannot imagine someone else going to all this trouble to win me back. I can see how much he is hurting and how much he wants another chance, that this break up has helped him become a better man, who would not do this to me again.

 

I just don't know what to think. Kind of feel all over the place today. I thought I was doing well, and now I feel like I am in limbo.

[sharky988]

In my experience, emotional cheaters have a very hard time with boundaries and a VERY hard time letting go of anyone.

 

You've given him 5 years to man up and stop this nonsense and he's cheated on you three different times. I say: 3 strikes and he's out. Just my opinion, feel free to disregard it!

 

It's possible you're just not ready to start dating yet and the dating site was too confronting for you and pushed you back a bit in your recovery. I've had great experiences with on-line dating and encourage you to take your time and proceed at your pace with it. There's no hurry. It's just a great tool for meeting people you wouldn't normally get to meet.

[Bandit32]

once a cheater always a cheater, i could not forgive that, i think its a gigantic lack of respect for who cares about you, so my opinion is move on, he could be loyal for a while but once you got into a routine of the relationship it could happen again easly

 

i also had a bad dream whit the ex today, and woke up in a world of sh*t, but need to stand up and move on, i am healing for 1 year now and still hurts

[MapleCanuck]

In sorry. My ex was an emotional cheater. She needed the validation of other men and it ruined my trust in her. Lies kill love.

 

I love knowing a woman likes or wants me, but I don't play into it or put myself into a situation/conversation that my partner wouldn't want me in.

 

Online dating has shown me that there are some great people out there. Go out and have some fun. You need time to heal though. Consider seeing someone. They say it takes half a relationship's time to fully heal.

 

Best of luck and so move on. I loved my ex and honestly don't believe she'll ever get a guy who would be so true as I would be, but it's not my job to show her that any longer. I've learned

[lost4836]

Thank you all for the words.

Today has been rough. I really feel almost back to square one and having a hard time letting go. Like, how can someone still after 9 months be so in love with me still, want to work this out. He has never stopped trying and it makes me wonder if I am throwing away a good thing. Maybe this time it could be different now he realises what he has to lose.