2 Weeks No Contact, Yet It Feels Harder Now, Than It Did On Day 1!!?

[6220MJ]

My ex broke it off with me in September to pursue a relationship with another guy after months of us fading out, me working on what I wanted and well she was in the process of overlapping with another guy, which I wasn't aware of. Towards the end of last year there was loads on here about my story, tried to distance myself away from here as I felt at the time using this site was linking me to her to often and causing me to think about her more than I should have

 

I tried No contact before and I never really lasted any longer than 10 days, I'd give in. At one point I let myself back into her life to be an emotional support to her whilst she found out he had been sexting another girl, then few weeks later they were back all loved up.

 

So the New Year came and I took the plunge to finally go NC, this tim for real. This wasn't to win her back, just to help me to try and be able to be on my own,

 

So, now at 2 weeks NC, I am finding it so hard to stay away, yet I've been heartbroken and burnt numerous times before by going back I really don't know why I'm feeling this way. I'm hoping today is just a bad day but I'm not sure.

 

I'm constantly wondering if she is thinking about me, I convince myself that today is the day I will hear off her, yet I know she won't message me. She told me before she jumped ship that she would never ever come crawling back in future, even if it was what she wanted, because of the pain she would have put me through.

 

It's a difficult one talking to mates etc about it as I went on for months and months and I try not to talk about it to them anymore, putting on the brave face ever now and again so I'm kinda looking for some encouragment here to keep strong and to not give in. I know if that moment of weakness gets me, I will end up regretting it within minutes.

[Mike414]

Think back to all the achievements you have accomplished. Were the greatest ones things yiu consideredto be easy or were they significant because they were difficult? This is going to be very hard but in the end will make you feel accomplished and 100x stronger. We all struggle when we first go NC but it gets easier eventually. You will surely have bad days where all you can think to do is reach out. These will eventually fade as well.

 

The last thing you should want is for her to contact you because then reaching out is virtually irresistible. The only time you should respond is if she makes it clear she wants to try again and you feel healthy enough to pursue that if you even wish to. Don't respond to any breadcrumb bull****. It takes time but you will get there like myself and thousands of others have.

[6220MJ]

I guess it's not so much hope that she will contact me, maybe fear? I dunno. Yeah, the best things we achieve are those we feel we will fail out, I am determined to if anything make it one month but it's not easy.

 

Thinks were left on New Years Eve a bit heated. She had been dragging me on for weeks by saying she wanted to "talk" but she would never say what about, so I told her the New Year I was making a clean break for it. The last time I broke NC was because I saw her at a bar and she got angry at me for ignoring her the 10 days I was in NC.

 

It just feels all surreal and weird at the moment, I'm hoping today is one of those days. In the 2 years we've known each other, this is the longest we have no gone without communication.

[alanlands]

Stay strong i am only a beginner at this nc but we both know its the only way to go. 10 minutes ago i was lifting some old floor tiles in my house just trying to keep busy as everyone advises. Thought about her for a split second and how we first got together , within seconds couldnt see the tiles for tears. One step forward and two back . Think its going to be like that for a long time. We both want the ex to be thinking of us and missing us. Truth is they are not or we would be together. copied a quote from someone that wrote to me few days ago " If they want to leave, help them pack" its on a4 paper stuck on kitchen wall. Good luck to you and me

[pixel clouds]

Hey 6220MJ,

 

Firstly, well done at getting to 2 weeks, it's not easy! Everyone has bad days, but you seem to be doing really well overall.

 

I think that 2 weeks must be a bit of a weak point... I broke no contact yesterday after 2 weeks by replying to a text from my ex and I *really* wish I didn't. It just turned into an argument, and from what I've read here, it very rarely goes well. I was much happier when I wasn't in contact.

 

Try and take the focus away from thinking about her to concentrating on yourself and working towards letting go. Any time you want to contact her or find yourself dwelling, allow yourself to process those thoughts by writing them down and then move on. That works for me.

[6220MJ]

Thanks for your support pixel clouds.

 

I've tried to do NC before and now how bad I felt after, this is why I'm not sure why I'm getting urges to contact her when I know from the past experience I got hurt even more!! Every time we spoke previously it would be friendly until one of us wouldn't get the reaction we wanted and it would lead to an argument, I guess that's just cus the feelings are still there.

 

I just have a gut instinct that it's not over yet and I need to be strong when/if she comes back. She's already said it herself this guys pretty much a rebound.

[pixel clouds]

If you truly fee that it's not over yet then you need to allow her to miss you and experience what life is like without you. I read somewhere that this takes about 6-8 weeks...

[chamachama]

She has been receiving a d*cking from another guy and screaming his name while you are thinking loving thoughts about her......she was doing that behind your back as well. Nough said. Have some dignity man. You want to rebuild your pride, not tear it down...

 

It's always toughest in the mornings. As the day progresses, the wave of pain usually recedes. Let it move through you and behind you. What's left in front of you is still a bunch of pain....only one wave less than before. One day there will be no more waves of pain stemming from her left in front of you. Keep going man, you can do this. You MUST....there really is no other option. Remember that she is being boned by another man....that should be all you need. Picture you sending a text or calling her and her answering while being strudeled by him.... Still want to contact her?

[klin]

@6220MJ: You're gonna be okay. Believe that and it will be a lot easier. Refraining from contact is really hard, but know in your heart that if she wanted you, she'd ask for you. Because she hasn't, your job is to take care of yourself and make yourself feel awesome. Also, take your own words: "I know if that moment of weakness gets me, I will end up regretting it within minutes." This is how things are for most people. My personal motivation has been knowing that he hasn't said anything worth contact in the past 5 months (as of today. crazy!) and he's not any more likely to say what I want to hear now. You're gonna be okay.

 

@chamachama Hahaha...streudeled. That made me laugh.

[6220MJ]

I won't contact her, and even if she does contact me I doubt it will be anything worth while. I guess it's just hard to know that the 2 years obviously meant nothing to her and she is living it up with another guy.

 

I just came on here to rant/clear my thoughts rather than resort to sending her a pointless email/text. If I ever speak to her again, I know it will be through her being the one who made the first move, I just have to fight the demons that want me to contact her.