gloomycity Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 Long story as short as I can make it-- was dating LD for 2.5 years, he refused to move back home to where I am living and where he is from. I figured I could compromise and move to him bc he had the better job. I tried to find work by him (2000 miles away) and I got an offer, but it was a really bad job with a really low salary. I told my company I had gotten another offer and was leaving, and they counter with a promotion and a raise that was three times the amount I would get paid at the job I had been offered by him. I have a crazy amount of grad school debt and hospital debt. I said to him that it seemed to make the most sense for me to stay at the job here for the next four months until I could pay off my debt, then move. Plus, after I got the offer by him, he totally turned the cards and was no longer offering me one of his cars, he said I could take the bus. I didn't have enough money to pay for the move, but he didn't offer to assist me with it. I wanted to be with him, but I couldn't bankrupt myself. I thought he would understand, because four months isn't too much time. After all, i was the one jumping through hoops to be with him. He couldn't stand it, told me I betrayed him. He told me he needed a break and then ceased to talk to me. He would send crazy mixed messages like never speaking to me yet sending three dozen roses with an I love you card for my birthday. When we would talk, I would say am i still your girlfriend? do you still love me? do you want to be with me? he would answer yes to all of them. meanwhile I would see questionable photos online of him and another girl. she would tag the photos as love. she put up a photo of him making her dinner. He never actually ended things with me, even after i begged for him to just say it was over and asked why he wouldn't do it. he just...disappeared. He never told me what was happening. I called him out on the cheating and the lying and said it wasn't really accurate. he says he didn't break my heart, i broke his by not moving. The break started in the beginning of november. I haven't spoken to him in eight weeks other than him sending a few confusing text messages like sleep tight best friend. he will be in town this week and says he wants to sit and talk. i said since he's moved on, there really is no point. I feel so betrayed and confused since he just vanished. he threw me away like trash. I don't understand how me wanting to create the best life for us financially was the deal breaker. i couldn't afford to move out there on that low salary and abandon my career. I always supported his work decisions, even if it meant him staying away. I always said I would be with him. I still say it. How could he move on within days? i keep going over and over what I did wrong. How could he just discard me? i'm so sad. I saw my life with him. He wanted to be married. Now according to photos I see he is in love with someone else. How could this happen? Link to comment
gloomycity Posted January 13, 2013 Author Share Posted January 13, 2013 Add: I will say he fits most of the Narcissistic Personality criteria -- very obsessed with his personal image. Spends all of his money on expensive things to the point he has no savings. He lacks all empathy towards others and refused to take on any blame for pain he caused. He loooooooves attention from girls because he is really good looking and gets complimented all the time. He would do things to emotionally hurt me, yet would turn it around on me for being the bad guy because I was blaming him. He was making me feel crazy. I would usually always pay for the things we did together, even though he made much more money than me while we were dating. Instead of taking his money to buy a plane ticket to see me, he bought a motorcycle. I said if he moved to be with me because I could financially support him until he got a job, he said his friends were more important. typing all of this out really makes him look like a douche. But he was soooo romantic in the beginning with grand gestures and declarations of love and committment and how I was the best girl he could ever deserve. Link to comment
ExcitedtoSleep Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 He's just trying to torment you. Fall into the trap or don't. Link to comment
gloomycity Posted January 14, 2013 Author Share Posted January 14, 2013 why would he do that? Link to comment
SingleAgain33 Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 I had a very, very similar situation. He was cheating. No one tags anything "love" after only a few days. He is a liar and a cheater. Be very grateful that you did not move your life, lose your job, family and friends for him. If you moved, you would have been in big trouble and totally isolated. Link to comment
gloomycity Posted January 14, 2013 Author Share Posted January 14, 2013 Singleagain: did he end it with you or vice versa? Did you know about the cheating during? I wonder how long he had been seeing this girl. Perhaps for a while. Link to comment
SingleAgain33 Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 He ended it with me. Very cruelly. In fact just like yours. Needing a break after 2.5 yrs. I have him the most torturous two weeks. Then I marched to his house and he told me he hasn't been taking care of himself for four years. Huh?!amy other bizarre reasons came afterwards. I said oh you want to be on break until you make up for those four years. He said yes. And I said done. It literally came out of nowhere. But he didn't look back a second. I wanted to believe him he didn't cheat. It is hard to go from trusting someone to realizing that they are capable of hurting you like this so, heck yeah they can lie to you. He probably was with her for a while. I am pretty sure mine started cheating on me while I was taking care of my dad in the hospital. Nice guy, huh? Link to comment
SingleAgain33 Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 GloomyCity. Check out my original post. Full details. Link to comment
gloomycity Posted January 14, 2013 Author Share Posted January 14, 2013 When I get really sad playing the what if game, I wonder about what would have happen if I did move. The crazy side of my brain says it all would have worked out because he was so lovely to me for so long. The rational side of my brain says I would have been totally screwed bc his true colors would have to come out eventually. The worst is thinking about him with her, the skanky new girl. I'm sure she showers him with attention and he tells her the exact same things he told me about how I was his one and only meant to be true love soulmate. Right, a soulmate doesn't just up and dump you for not taking a horrible job and abandoning their life. Link to comment
blueidealist24 Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 When I get really sad playing the what if game, I wonder about what would have happen if I did move. The crazy side of my brain says it all would have worked out because he was so lovely to me for so long. The rational side of my brain says I would have been totally screwed bc his true colors would have to come out eventually. The worst is thinking about him with her, the skanky new girl. I'm sure she showers him with attention and he tells her the exact same things he told me about how I was his one and only meant to be true love soulmate. Right, a soulmate doesn't just up and dump you for not taking a horrible job and abandoning their life. It wouldn't have worked out well, especially since his planning was bad. Ie. he told you you could have a car, then he said you had to take the bus. What other misinformation about your living situation would he have given you? Probably a lot. Link to comment
gloomycity Posted January 14, 2013 Author Share Posted January 14, 2013 Blue: there were a number of things he took back. He said we could find a new apt together then when I suggested we start looking he refused to move. He wouldn't talk to me about how we would share expenses; he did tell me he has nearly no money and lives paycheck to paycheck. He told me I wouldn't fit into his life there. Yet I'm the bad guy and broke his heart. He knew if we seriously discussed marriage it would help me move. He would casually talk about is being married, but the conversation never got serious. Link to comment
pixel clouds Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 Hey gloomycity, I'm so sorry that you're going through this, i think a lot of people here can empathize with dating guys like that. We know deep down that we deserve more but it is so hard to let go, often because the relationship is so amazing in the beginning. My ex was the same in always making false promises: we can move to another apartment, we can go on holiday, mentioning that he wanted to marry me... then he would never follow through and sometimes deny he ever made these promises. He also dumped me during temporary LDR, in a horrible casual way and immediately after made me out to be the bad guy. Even now he still puts himself in the 'victim' position. These kind of people don't consider the feelings of anyone else, it is all about them and what they can get from other people. It may seem hard now, but you'll realise that you're better off without a guy like this. Concentrate on yourself. You're always the one giving in these kind of relationships, and compromising to the point where you lose who are you. Link to comment
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