I have a girlfriend, but like another girl?

[LonelyJedi]

This forum has been extremely helpful to me in my past when I come accross a difficult time in my life.

 

Anyway, I'm going to try and paraphrase this the best way I can...

 

My best friend, my girlfriend and myself are all 19 years old.

 

 

I have been going out with my current girlfriend (let's call her R to save privacy) since Dec 2011. I remember shaking on our second date because she jumped on me and kissed me. I was afraid to be her boyfriend and technically I never asked her out, she asked me out. My thoughts at the time were "give it a shot, why not?" She undoubtedly loves me and is very much in love with me. She fell in love with me in March 2012 supposedly. I couldn't manage to say "I love you" back to her because I just didn't feel it. I began to start thinking that it wasn't fair to her that I didn't reciprocate her verbal love back to her. I told her that my actions speak louder than words and that I show her my appreciation rather than say it. One day, she told that she was having a bad day and she NEEDED to hear me say it to her, so I did.

 

The next few days I started thinking how she has been the greatest girlfriend I have had up. So I told her how I love her too. She was very pleased to hear it finally. We went on vacation in the summer of 2012 and it was fun. Our bond strengthened.

 

School finally started back up again in September of 2012. One of my co-workers that I used to work (let's call her K) with also goes to my school and I saw her a few times going to my classes in the fall semester. We began talking a lot more and became close. I gave us the label of "best friends". Then my best friend started dropping hints that she likes me a lot. I wasn't sure if she was just being friendly, flirty, or was genuine in expressing her interest to push our relationship further. She finally admitted to being jealous of my girlfriend and that she "likes me A LOT".

 

I have not told my best friend that I find her attractive and want to secretly date her, I have continued to resume our best friend habits. My girlfriend recently found out why this girl kept commenting on my FaceBook page. I told her that she is my best friend and how I used to work with her and we go to the same school. My girlfriend got very jealous and one day she found my phone while I was getting something for her and snooped through my texts (no sexting or anything inappropriate like that) and found that she texts me just as much as my girlfriend does. She became very upset, jealous and resented my best friend.

 

They have recently became FaceBook friends, thanks to my girlfriend.

 

The last time I saw my girlfriend was a few days ago, we went on a double-date with our friends. Apparently, my girlfriend had a very rough and bad day at work/school. She didn't tell me until later on. I was making jokes like I usually do when we go on our double dates, and there were a few jokes that apparently pissed her off and she didn't tell me. She just slapped me in the face really hard. She said, "You're pissing me off". I said "I'm sorry, I'll stop" and rested my head on her shoulder and gave her a hug, she kept slapping me harder and harder until I got off. I am not sure if this sounds arrogant or ignorant, but I feel that nobody should EVER hit another human being, regardless of how angry they are at them. (some feedback on this)

 

My best friend wanted to see a movie with me yesterday, so I agreed and went with her. Afterwards she stood outside her house and started talking. She kept hugging me and she was tickling me at times. So I tickled her and blew on her neck because she said it tickled. She was laughing and then she turned her head real quick and gave me a half-kiss. (she only kissed half of my lips for like a half second). She pulled away and hugged me, she started crying a little and said how she blew everything. I promised her that everything will be fine and that she's my best friend. After a few minutes she seemed okay and reassured me that she was okay.

 

My girlfriend is important to me and she is very kind to me. I gave her my virginity. We do have our occasional negative moments (these have existed way before my best friend came into the picture), just like any couple. But they seem to get worse because she doesn't want to talk about it or she becomes increasingly more angry the more we talk about an issue. [/b]However, there is another part of me that is wanting to explore the dating world and see what else there is.That being said, my girlfriend is the only girl I have had sex with. My best friend has told me several times that I "turn her on", and how "awesome" and "cute" I am. I don't like my best friend's "friend group" because they are younger than me and fairly annoying. I like my girlfriend's "friend group" because we are all mutual friends and been friends since high school. I am feel so bad admitting this, but I find my best friend more attractive than I do my current girlfriend. Both my girlfriend and my best friend are extremely nice.

 

I am probably thinking with the wrong "head" here, but I guess I just need some clarifying and advice. I apologize for the long read.

[Miakoda]

First ask yourself how old you are.

Second, decided what your priorities are right now.

Is love a rational priority?

 

Third, don't metaphorically marry someone right away. No girlfriends.

You will know when you find your life partner. And I assume if you have to second guess....

[wlh22]

I disagree with Miakoda a bit.

 

I think you are being a little bit unfair to your gf right now (although I agree she went a bit too much with the slap and everything but perhaps she is unable to express her anger at you getting so close to some other girl and she isn't to blame when you are having thoughts about getting with your best friend).

 

But agree with Miakoda that you have to ask what your priority is. Although tread carefully, my friend! Is your best friend even interested in being with you or just doing it for attention? If you are not able to commit to your gf then you should be honest about your view to her so she can make her choices. All the best!

 

Nothing wrong with finding someone else attractive (while you are in a relationship), the issue is you acting on it physically or even mentally (when you are giving a lot more of your brain space to someone else).

[LonelyJedi]

Thank you for your input. I am so confused on what to do. I saw my girlfriend yesterday at a mutual friend get-together and I just didn't feel the spark. I kept thinking about my best friend, but then felt guilty doing so. When my girlfriend kissed me and hugged me, the doubts went away but when I got home the doubts flooded back into my head.

 

Anymore thoughts? My best friend is all I'm starting to think about