Having My Doubts...

[lost_relic]

Do you ever feel like the person you're with, isn't right for you?

What do you do when you feel like that? We've been together for nearly 9 months, and sometimes, I feel like I should leave my girl, because she's so different to me, and my way of life; SO different to the girl I have been looking for... but in reality I don't think the girl I'm looking for exists (or, that I'll ever find her)... and sometimes I just wonder if I'm with her for fear of being alone... it's not that I don't love her, because I do, very much... it's just that, I feel like we're from totally different worlds sometimes.

(She is an only child, and comes from an upper class family, while I am the 5th child in a lower class one)... and she can be rather bossy/immature/REALLY emotional, but she's still often sweet...

I guess I just wonder what ever happened to the quiet, friendly, conservative girl I was after...

 

Maybe it's just because I haven't seen her in a few days, and we still talk online, and my doubts are far more pronounced while we're apart... but still...

 

Do other people get feelings of doubt like this?

What do you do?

 

Thanks in advance

[vitalcoaching]

Hi,

 

Here is some feed back on your question.

 

You seem to have a very precise picture of the girl you think you should be with.

 

what ever happened to the quiet, friendly, conservative girl I was after

 

I don't believe that this is really how love and relationships work.

 

Your instinct, your mind knows things you can't always rationalize.

 

You are with this gril for a reason. Maybe you complement each other. Maybe she opened doors in your life, she helped you disvover things about yourself you would never have found otherwise.

 

Your head is on the way.

 

In my opinion, you rationalize it too much. You don't need justification or fitting to a rigid model to enjoy someone's company.

 

It just happens.

 

It is love.

 

Now, if you are running out of passion and feel stacked within this relationship and feel like it is time to move on and change, that's something else.

 

You feel that in your guts. You feel like you need somehing from life and you are not getting it right now.

 

There are two directions you can take:

 

The first one is really to split

 

The second one is to bring in new qualities in your life and your relationship while staying with that girl.

 

Relationships need to keep evolving to stay fresh and exciting. Now, sometimes you miss the skills to evolve together. You interpret the lack of passion and excitement as a sign that "This is it".

 

It's never "it".

 

Your relationship has always space and room for renewal. You need however to stretch things, explore new territories, give each other space, shift habits, basically invite change and renewal in what you share with her.

 

Splitting or not is your choice. The two directions are open.

 

Staying together because you are simply afraid of facing yourself and your destiny is definitely not a good choice. It will frustrate you on the long term and give you the feeling that you are simply missing opportunities.

 

You can wake up extra power and love in you and unblock this situation if you feel stacked in it.

 

Sometimes you need this extra kick of power to break through a situation which feels limiting.

 

Wake up this power and dare to look beyond the limits of what you already know with or without her

 

Good luck and stay in touch

 

vitalcoach

[lost_relic]

Thanks very much VitalCoach

Inspiring stuff... I'm feeling a lot better now, and realising that what my doubts are just silly.

 

Thanks again for your excellent advice

[Scout]

I would read, and re-read, and re-read again Vital's advice on this one, because it's right on!

[vitalcoaching]

You're welcome,

 

Delighted to hear that my message did hit home.

 

Scout, thanks for your kind words.

 

Truly appreciated!

[Giggles]

Hi there

I've been in the same situation as you. Only this is with my boyfriend. After much discussion and help from this forum, I finally built up the courage to dump him, it wasn't pretty! But in the end we are both happier for it as I'm with this amazing guy now, who fits me like a glove it's amazing!

as I know he is also VERY happy with his new girlfriend.

 

We now have this amazing close friendship which is fantastic

 

All I'm saying is that maybe you two aren't ment for eachother on an "Emotional/ Relationship" level. I'm sure the both of you would be great friends though as there is still the common ground in which you both met and feel for eachother

 

Lost_relic, just think of it like this, could you live the rest of your life happy knowing that you will only ever be with her? even though you might have just passed off your soul mate?

She doesn't make you happy if you feel such doubt.

 

DO NOT be affraid of being alone. Everyone is alone at one point in there life. You WILL find someone else, even if it doesn't seem like it at the moment.

 

I hope this can be of help, espically towards you and your Girlfriends happiness

Dave and I are alot closer than ever before now too.

 

Just think about it.

 

as the grand old saying goes:

"there are plenty of fish in the sea"

and you're only young. I doubt she whould be you're "one" at this age, espically since you already have doubts.

 

Good Luck to you Lost_relic 8)