Lost the love of my life

[trixxiecat]

I would really appreciate some advice on what to do.I was with my boyfriend for over a year now.After a string of crappy relationships it was like winning the lottery when i met him.I fell in love with him and he with me.We are both in our late 20s and want the same things from life-to find love,settle down and be happy.

It was a bit of a whirlwind to be honest.We moved in after 2 months and 5 months later decided to start building a house together.At times I did worry a lot that we moved too fast and he was settling for the sake of settling.I voiced these concerns to him and he reassured me time after time that he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.My friends even reassured me so i thought once something was right it was right and go with it.

So we had our fair share of arguments.Some resulting in is not talking for days.Things were fine between us over christmas and then a petty row sparked off over something trivial.3 days later he moves out,5 days later he breaks up with me.

He was very decent about the break up as there are a lot of things in both our names that need to be sorted and he's being helpful by calling to the house and bringing in heavy stuff for me that he knows i wouldn't manage.He says he wants to remain friends etc and wanted a few days alone before we sit down and sort things out meaning the bills etc.

So that day is looming and i need advice.

The thing is that I am head over heels in love with him.We were a little family and we spoke often of marriage and children

Should I fight for this relationship and ask him to consider starting again?

Should I just respect his decision and walk away?

So confused and cut up.Would really appreciate any advice at all.

[kitkat620]

Hi. First of all, I know you are hurting. And I know you've probably heard this before but, the hurt will subside in time.

As for you fighting for the relationship, why would you do that when he has made it clear he wants out. It would be a losing battle.

What I would suggest for you to do is give him time. Don't put pressure on him by being in constant contact, by crying or begging to be given another chance, this will only aggravate him more. Believe me, I went through it for close to 20 years. And take it from me when I say that the times my husband would leave me to be with someone else, all the begging and crying I did, did nothing to make him change his mind. He still left and I was left feeling totally humiliated and lost. Don't do that to yourself.

Things did move fast for the two of you and maybe, just maybe he is getting cold feet while reality sinks in. Men go through that, and so do some women. Maybe time is what he needs, but you won't know unless you let him go and try and get on with your life.

Reach out to family and friends, and if necessary, get professional help. Sometimes an outside source is a good shoulder to cry on. Someone to give an unbiased opinion and who can judge things from the outside in.

The hurt will lesson in time, and hurting is a part of the grieving process. Give yourself time to cry and don't regret anything you have done. Our past makes us the people we become for our future.

Stay strong and I wish you a happy life.

[trixxiecat]

Thank you for your advice. It has eased some of the confusion so you should know that you helped lessen somebodys suffering. I think I will focus on healing myself and taking time out and leave him be. Focus more on my own life and my own future.

I'm sorry to hear that you went through all that with your husband but by the sounds of things it seems you have learned your lessons well and turned it into a positive instead. I will bear you in mind as an inspiration for whatever comes my way in the coming weeks.

You don't know how much your kind words and good advice have meant to me today.

Good things will come your way and i genuinely hope they do.