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I can't stand... that you just want to be friends...

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An Open Letter to Agents of Unrequited Love...




You bother me,


You bother me because I have to put in so much effort to get you out of my head every day. I have to actively push you out of my thoughts and I don't want to have to.


You bother me because now sometimes a day goes by that I barely think of you, then it bothers me that I noticed that I didn't think of you. I have been slowly forgetting and I am bothered that I am forgetting you.


You bother me because sometimes I smell your perfume in the air and I still notice it immediately and then I can't get you out of my head.


You bother me because we talked and agreed we would "just be friends", and I can't tell if that means friends "for now" or friends "forever". Before I go insane, I need my farfetched hope to die yet it still fights, though it grows more quiet each day.


You bother me because I notice when you wear new outfits and I want to compliment you on your fashion sense and your taste in clothes and I hold my tongue not knowing where the line is to cross.


You bother me because you seem to have so many activities in your social life that there might not be room for anything else, even me...


You bother me because I have trouble finding things wrong with you. If you only had a crooked nose or crossed eyes or a weird personality tic or something, then maybe I would have something I could focus on to forget about you.


You bother me because you challenge me to be a better physically fit match to you. Even though I am skilled at many sports, as a runner you would crush me.


You bother me because I think you could challenge me and I could challenge you in other areas and we haven't had the chance to find that out except for a few.


You bother me because you are addicted to lip gloss and reapply it in front of me and though I seem cool on the outside, inside my heart churns between desire and indifference.


You bother me because when I see you near I smile at you and you immediately smile back enthusiastically "as a friend"? Then for a few fleeting moments my heart flares up and I get angry at myself for feeling anything, then I try to forget and resent having to try at all...


You bother me because we seem to click in so many ways, that we seem to have very complimentary natures, that we laugh easily and quickly, that we have excellent conversations that go from deep thoughts to silly things back to deep things easily. I ask myself if my perception is wrong and if I am projecting and filling in things that aren't there. Yet the path to know is blocked.


You bother me because when I am open and honest about my vulnerabilities you seem to consider it weakness. You seem to want a man who is "strong" and yet you would complain later on when he is emotionally unavailable. You want a man who is sensitive on your terms. You want him to open up for you whenever you ask, but do you resent when he wants to open up for himself?


You bother me because when I look in your eyes, you don't look away shyly, you look at me right back, with confidence and inner strength.

You are not afraid to gaze honestly with me. Or am I easily fooled?

Or maybe I want to be fooled?


You bother me because I still don't believe that you wouldn't make an exception to your rules about romantic relationships at work if the right guy came along. I had a rule like that too, until you came along. I know I would make an exception, but then maybe because I have an established position and you are newer, you are in a different career position than me and can't take a risk... who am I to ask you to risk?


You bother me because I find your spirit adventurous and curious about life, and you are both passionate and positive about your direction in life. Those are many qualities that I want to know more about, to explore in myself and in you.


You bother me because I find you sexy as hell in more ways than mere physical ways though those ways are extremely compelling. My body wants to give you every imaginable pleasure right now, yet my heart wants to wait for a genuine reciprocal relationship while my mind tries to calculate the balance between both drives. Emotions blur my mind's conclusions and leave me in limbo.

Torn am I.


You bother me because you tell me about all the other guys in your life and I wonder that you know what you are really looking for in relationships. Then I wonder that I know what you are looking for in a guy and whether I should tell you or wait for you to learn the truth yourself.

I wait...


You bother me...




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Oh. My. God.


*Applauds* I commend your letter! I know exactly how you feel, how torn it is to "just be friends", especially after a breakup.


I've also been on the recieving end, where all I really wanted was just to be friends, especially after a breakup.


I'm sorry, I don't have any good advice to give you. This is tough. It's torture.


Hang in there, Derek! 8)


"Everything's ok in the end. If it's not ok...it's not the end!"

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I don't know whether this girls dates a lot or not, but if you become a very good friend, her feelings may change towards you. It happened to me in the past. Feelings develop when you are with someone you trust and cherish.


In fact, it is a very good opportunity to get closer to her, and to get to know her, which is really important for you to make an informed decision.


Take care!

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It's a funny situation,


She tells me she dates alot, but they seem to be very casual dates.

She hangs out with her girlfriends alot, (most of whom have b/f)

She is 25 years old, starting her career.

She goes to the gym or goes running, goes out to movies and parties,

basically I don't know of a weekend or night where she didn't have

3 or 4 major activities going on.

She tells me it takes her a long time to fall for someone and then

she tends to fall hard.


I know in some ways she would be bad for me,

(for example, she occasionally smokes and I don't)

but my rose colored glasses aren't paying attention to that stuff,

so my mind knows what's "right" but my heart doesn't give a rip

what I think. (isn't that schizophrenic?)


So pathetic...


I know in my mind, if I ignore the situation, she might turn around

and be more curious about me and my indifference, but yet my imagination of

what could be is hard to just shut off. As time goes by, I have successfully

turned off my feelings. I am a bit sad but it is the right way to go.


I know that if it is meant to be, it will just flow and things may fall

into place. I may know that intellectually, but that doesn't make the wait

any easier. So I have to assume that nothing will happen and I need to go

on to greener pastures in any case.


Ah well...


I don't mind being a fool for love once in a while, hopefully I find the right girl that wants my kind of foolishness someday.




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  • 2 weeks later...

Ah, a good thing happened...


Two good things,


She was supposed to meet me for something and she forgot, first time that had happened, I think it was legit, but even if not, I needed that to happen so I would stop hoping I was even on her radar.


So we met for lunch the next day and she's telling me about her new guy that she thinks she may soon have "the talk" with and become more serious.


Even better news, now I can just let it go...





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