Shes confusing me, please help figure her out

[Nocam]

My girlfriend and i dated for about 7 months and about 3 weeks ago decided to take a break because of constant fighting, not to see other people, but from each other. We're still together yet not going out, we agreed we'd take the time apart to work on the relationship and when we can be together and not argue constantly, then that was the time to go back out. She was going to change what bothered me and I was goin to do the same. we're back together, yet i feel as though she has 2 personalities. Our main problem is that she doesnt show affection in public to me, like in school. Ive talked to her about it on the phone and in person and she agrees with everything i say, yet when were in school, its like i dont exist. i have no problem letting others know were together, not to the ridiculous point, but like holding hands or a kiss here and there. The reason her not showing me affection bothers me so much is because it advertises singleness, which is going to bring unwanted passes by guys, and has. I keep telling her that if we hung out alot more and showed we were together, then naturally people would go on. This is where the double personality thing comes in, shell agree with me and everything but then she doesnt change it. I dont get it, she hates it when guys hit on her and so do i, but she knows how to stop it yet does nothing about it. Also, random people keep telling her i cheat on her and do things behind her back, which is totally false. I still tell her "look if we hung out more, when people come up to you and say i cheated on you last weekend, youll know its a lie because we hung out last weekend" or somehting similar to that, and again she agrees, yet well go weeks without seeing each other. Im not sure anymore, things were going well since we got back together from the break, so its not like she got used to being single, matter of fact we were "together" during the break so its not like she got out there. Im confused, I know its a long post, but please help.

Thanks Tony

[OceanEyes]

Why would people want to tell your girlfriend lies about you cheating? Do you have any idea who is saying it?

[Chall]

If you guys both decided that you would change; but she is unwilling to change, that might mean she doesn't care about you enough to want to take the effort and make the relationship work.

 

Coming from a female's point of view, that's the only explanation. If your girlfriend doesn't want to take the time to be with you, that can also be a sign she doesn't want to be with you. But your best bet is to give her an ultimatum: Either she makes an effort on her part (since you've been making an effort on your part) or your going to end the relationship for good.

 

Good Luck!

[Nocam]

I agree Chall, but how does that explain the times were alone? She agrees with everything i say and gives me all the attention i need. thats why it feels like shes 2 diff people. And I dont know who says these things to her about me, and neither does she. They come in forms of private call and made up screen names. I dont understand it either, but thats how people are wehre i live, if they dont want you together, theyll do what they can to break it, she know this, yet chooses to believe what she hears also.

[DragonGirl724]

ok for one, u guys need to either break up or stay together what u are in now is neither here nor there. its not gonna get anywhere. & some ppl just dont do PDA so deal with it if shes not the type to or break up. dont try to change her views, itll justt make her spite you. & maybe shes tellin you "people said you cheated on me" as a weak attempt to break up with you. if she isnt making you happy, move on as soon as u can, dont try to change your mate, just simply go out & youll find someone you mesh better with. if you guys are in HS she may feel shes too yung to deal w/ this stuff, i know in HS i felt weird w/ PDA b/c i wanted to be free & not have that 'claustrophobic attachment' with someone. i think u guys need REAL time apart. dont waste time being w/ the wrong person.

 

-DG724

[anotherperson]

Myself and my gf are a few years older than you NoCam and she sometimes does the same to me. We're both in college, and she'll act one way when we're alone and another when we're in public with friends. She's quite an attractive girl and guys openly flirt with her when I'm not directly in their face. This happens more so online than offline. We socialise with the majority of our friends both offline and online and some of her male friends fancy her. They make sexual remarks towards her, some of which cross the line. She used to go with flow with these remarks and her replies would be nothing short of encouraging. In the end I told her that it was not fair her telling me that she loved me while entertaining flirtatious behaviour from any guy that gives her a second look. She got angry with me, and stormed off. She later told the most flirtatious parties that they're behaviour was disrespecful to our relationship and to back off. I was overjoyed....and everything was fine. But she every now and again throws it back in my face telling me that I don't trust her. Might I add, I do trust her 100%, and I know she wouldn't cheat on me. But my problem was that she didn't nip any (and often extreme) flirtatious behaviour towards her in the bud. I don't think this has anything to do with trust, more to do with respect for our relationship. Do you think that she craves attention and is willing to use "lacking trust" on my behalf as an excuse for me to leave her to her flirting games.

 

Recently she openly admitted to me that she loves the attention when guys flirt with her. She told me she once felt unattractive, but now feels great because of all the attention she gets. She told me that she only has eyes for me, but to this day will still be overly friendly with other guys that give her attention.

 

So my question to women is....."would you tell someone who is openly flirting with you to stop, remind them that you're in a relationship......or would you reciprocate, but not actually go as far as cheating?". If it's the latter, why do you do it?

 

Personally I'm getting to the stage where I think this is a crucial lesson that guys must learn, to tolerate this form of behaviour. I have come accross a lot of women doing it. I've seen women socialising and have heard them talk about relationships and to me, it seems so calculated how they behave. They want it all. I base this on the many many women I've known, gone out with.....but I still refuse to make a generalisation.