Can loving someone too much be bad?

[aw1992]

Hi all,

 

Just curious and wondering if you love someone too much can it ever be a bad thing?

Has anyone found that making someone the centre of their universe is a bad thing?

 

Thanks!

[Rostik77]

Well if things don't workout down the road it can be hard... I can tell you that first hand. Just don't suffocate them that's all!

[charity]

yes it can be a bad thing. because usually you expect that person to do the same with you.... and maybe they don't , and then you feel resentment and unloved. i was once with guy like this. he made me his whole life. he was seemingly a great boyfriend, always put me first, always called, very affectionate, very thoughtful, wanted to make lots of future plans. as for myself... well i felt i was very affectionate, loving and caring towards him also. but for him, it was not enough. he constantly compared what he did for me, to what i did for him. but i had things going on in my life- work, kids, family, friends,self development. he was a bit part of my life but not the centre of my universe. in the end, he was constantly dissatisfied by my not making him my whole world. in the end i wanted to tell him to get a life and stop making me 'his life'.

[kaguya]

Hi Charity, the guy you are describing and I are kind of similar but I have never put any kind of pressure on my girlfriend about future plans.

We have talked about it and both of us agreed to wait until a certain time to talk to her parents etc

We have shared any dreams that we have had but never has either one of us tried to compare our feelings for the other or how much I did or she did.

 

It was just recently that she got into an argument with her mother and when she told her mother that she wanted to be with me. Her mother just told her that her dad and granddad would not agree, now I personally think that is unfair because neither one of them was told about this.

Since it was her mom saying it she just took it and didn't really go to ask her dad, grandad.

I know she still loves me but she is a bit hesistant to admit it now because the fear of what her mother has said to her is stuck in her mind.

 

The love is there but it is her fear of what could happen stopping us from being together...right now she won't even admit she won't love me but her actions say everything so I am confused about what to do.

 

I am about to go on a trip with family for about a week and a half, when I let her know I won't be around for a while she got worried.

She asked me when I would be coming back, how long I would be away and even admitted that she would not be happy without me around...

 

I just don't see why we are having this rough patch...

[charity]

is she an adult... and why do her parents not want her to be with you?

[lavenderdove]

Yes, it can be a very horrible thing. If you totally lose yourself in another person, you can also lose your reason and common sense along the way and make very bad decisions while with the person, and also be left totally devastated and destroyed when they leave because you have become 'hollow' because you've removed yourself from the center of your world and placed them in it. When they leave, you feel totally disoriented and unable to survive without them and collapse into yourself.

 

And it is horrible if the person you love has substance abuse problems, or abuses you, or is a liar and cheater etc. Your world revolves around someone who is destroying themselves AND you in the process.

 

If the other person is normal and not abusive, it can totally suffocate them because you have no life/thoughts of your own and you suck the life out of them demanding that they be the center of your world. You never stand on your own two feet, and clasp them so tightly that they can't breathe. So they will frequently break up with you because you have an unhealthy obsession with them and expect them to act more as a parent taking care of you than you being equal and independent adult partners.

[FYI]

Yes it can become a bad thing.

[kaguya]

is she an adult... and why do her parents not want her to be with you?

 

She is about to start university in a few months.

Well the incident only happened with her mother, so I don't think it is both the parents that have a problem with me.

I get along quite well with her dad and the one time I talked to her mother she was very friendly toward me.

They have known me since childhood.

 

When I talked to my girlfriend she did say that her mom said to concentrate on her studies rather than boys but I do not think that is fair.

She is an A student and on the honour roll, how much more does she have to concentrate?

 

When I did talk to her about this she didn't give me a clear answer on why her mother said what she did.

I did try to ask her again telling her that I have a clean sheet( I don't smoke/drink/ do drugs) and I have a good job so why does her mom think like this.

At this point all she said was my family (in my family my dad does occasionally drink in festive times or when he is with friends, sometime ago I was told by my girlfriend that her aunt had married a drunkard and faced abuse. Since that time her mother does not approve of anyone that drinks.)

I don't really think my dad has a drinking problem and he has never been abusive to me when he has had a couple of beers...this is literally a no brainer because granted that she would marry into the family and would interact with my dad.

 

However I can guarantee that he would never hurt a fly and this was something she mentioned when she did talk to me about her aunt, at that time I did tell her that my dad doesn't drink to that degree so there is nothing to worry about.

At that time she did listen to this and didn't really say anything else, so I thought that we had passed that bridge.