I love him, but...

[mephesto56]

I really love my ex boyfriend. We were together for two years and have been broken up for 2 months. I want him back so badly, but he says he doesn't want a girlfriend right now. I don't understand that. We hang out and talk as much as we did when we were together, if not more. I don't understand why he wont officially go out with me, because we get along so well. The step to dating again would be so small, it doesn't make sense why he is so adament against it. The other night he was telling another of his friends and I about how he wants a girlfriend but no one would go out with him even if he tried. What the hell is this? I am crushed, because he tells me that he doesn't want a girlfriend. I'm so frustrated. Sometimes he has sex with me, not that often, but all the same. But he hates when I touch him, like putting my head on his shoulder and such. He says he wants to be just friends and he wont let me try to talk to him about my point of view on this. I don't know what to do because he doesn't make any sense. I'm at my wits end. If anyone can help me on this, about what to say to him, or how to behave, please do.

[Roasted Carrots]

Have you tried NC? It's tough and brutal, but in your case, it may be the only way to truly get over your ex.

 

He's made it clear that he wants to get over you, when he talks to his friends about wanting a girlfriend, he's not talking about wanting you to be that girl. I'm not saying this to be harsh or mean. I'm saying this because you two have broken up. . You are exes. . Try NC, and hard as it may be, you need to get over this guy, and he needs to get over you.

 

By acting just like his girlfriend you're not doing either of you a favor. He's practically using you. Hang out with your girlfriends for awhile. Cry a good cry. It will be painful, but we're here to help.

 

Please remember that he's not the only guy out there for you. Heal your soul, dry your tears, inhale and try again with a new and wonderful man!

[Zarah]

Hmm..I think the first step would be to stop having sex. He's not likely to be inclined to have a relationship if he thinks he can get everything that he had anyway, without actually commiting to anything.

 

If he's not willing to commit to the relationship, then it's not fair on you to keep giving him what he wants in that regard, and yeah, it'll hurt. But it'll probably hurt more if you let him keep using you like that without understanding and especially if he finds someone else during that time.

 

Just try talking to him about it, if he just wants to be friends then give him just that, you don't deserve to be treated like that.

[mephesto56]

NC is impossible with him. He calls me every time I try and hes not mean to me, so I can't just be like "I don't want to speak to you"

[ComputerGuy]

OK, basically, you are friends with benefits at the moment right??? Well what appears to have happened, like what often ahppens in this situation, is one falls for the other. The problem is whilst one person is getting what they want out of the relationship, the other is not and getting hurt.

 

He says he just wants to be friends to you, and yet says he says to his mates he can't find a g/f which to me sounds like he is flat out using you. My suggestion is as above, if he says he just wants to be friends, give him just that. No special priveleges, nothing.

 

The other option is NC, completely cut off contact, that includes e-mail, phone, SMS, IM, Morse code, smoke signals.....if it gets him a message, dont do it. That way you will be able to at least get over the painful side of things.

[Caldus]

I agree. It sounds like to me he is just trying to use you.