What to do and what to say??

[David83]

Ive made a few threads here but i thought this would be best in a new thread, hope you dont mind all the thread making? well here we go...

 

It has been 3 weeks yesterday since me and my fiancée broke up, and i still love her and miss her more than anything in the world, and i am going to leave it a while say till a month is up and if she hasnt contacted me then i am thinking about just emailing her, but in the email i am thinking about asking her if she would like to go somewhere, say to the cinema or for a meal or something, i dont know what her answer will be but i am hopeing that a month is long enough for her to think about things, or do you think she will need longer?? anyways if she saus yes to me asking her to go somewhere, i will be kind of in a prediciment as it will be the first time in my life that i will have been out somewhere with an ex girlfriend, because i have had two long relationships in my life the first we broke up and that was that, but with this, i have this feeling that there is a chance for us, because i think we both deserve another chance, specially after 2 1/2 years.

 

If she says yes, and we go somewhere, what do i talk about? do i talk about us, our relationship? and do i mention about us trying again? or do i go with the flow and just be nice and ask how she is feeling and what she has been upto in the time we have been apart?, i definatly need help with this as it will be a first for me, and i dont know what to do, because if i talk about certain things she may get annoyed or she may not want to talk about, i want her to see me as the person she did when we first met, and hopefully she will realise what she is missing, well what we are both missing, and i really miss her family aswell, they are great people and i am very close to them also.

i really do truly love this girl more than anything, she is my life and always has been since we first met, and i really think that i have found my soulmate, and i would like it to work between us.

 

I'm sure there will be someone on here who has been in this situation, and your help would be apprecited! thanks again!

[sisterlynch]

I would say the sooner the better; if you still love her and want to be with her, then let her know before she changes her feelings. People are more open I think now a days to listening and talking through problems.

 

Bring someone you both can trust or go to a counselor, if you want to be sure of everything. But just listen to your inner voice and let that rule you.

 

I think that you need to talk about everything that she wants to talk about, but don't get carried away. If she gets upset or you two start to argue, leave the restaurant.

 

Let her have her say in the deal. Women have their own way of internalizing things, especially relationship issues. If it is a misunderstanding that you want to clear up, then just talk your way through it. Each person must take turns and listen when the other speaks.

 

Don't ever say anything that will annoy her! Ever!

[David83]

I know but she says that she needs some time to think, but i dont know how long she means, so i dont want to do anything to soon or it may ruin things completely, she said she would contact me when she is ready, but it has been 3 weeks now, and i havent heard from her at all yet, so i dont wanna rush into things, if we do go somewhere i will gladly listen to anything that she has got to say because i always have done, and i want her to know that am still here for her when she needs someone to talk to aswell. she said that i am her best friend and she loves me very much, but dont best friends talk to each other all the time about anything?

 

If we go somewhere do you think i should mention how much i still love her and miss her or do you think this will put pressure on her?

[brandos lovechild]

hiya david, i've read a thread of yours before. it's a shame that such a genuinely nice guy is havin to go through this, with a less than sympathetic ex! bro if she hasn't contacted you at all within a month, i wouldn't waste the energy on typing the damn email . HOWEVER..i see that you are hurting a great amount by the amount of threads you have posted, and that's why it's time for your salvation ! I REALLY suggest you look at

link removed I REALLY THINK THIS WILL ALEVIATE ANY POST BREAK-UP CONFUSION YOU MAY HAVE. good luck bro 8)

[sisterlynch]

I can't tell with out all of the information, she may need a real break and she is just being nice and leading you to believe that there will be more.

 

People have trouble telling others when things aren't going well for them.

 

I really think that she has moved on and didn't want to hurt you.

[SwingFox]

Hi David,

 

First of all thank you for your update. I am sorry to hear that things haven't worked out yet for you. I understand that you're still talking to your lady.

 

I would like to explain you that I find it awesome how you set a boundary for yourself and some sort of time limit. You said that you were gonna give it another month and then let things go. I compliment you on that. "Is a month enough," you asked? Listen to your heart. The answer is there... you have to set YOUR boundary.

 

I hope that eventually things will work out well for you and I wish you good luck in it.

 

~ SwingFox ~

[David83]

Yeah well it has been 3 weeks now, so im gonna wait another week, so that will make it a total of a month, and then i am gonna ask her if she would like to go somewhere, like i said cinema, meal e.t.c, so at the minute im not actually speaking to her, thats why i made this thread so people can give me some advice on what kind of things to talk about if she says yes to going out somwhere, because i havent got a clue about what to or what not to talk about, as ive never been in this situation before, e.g do i talk about us?, our relationship?, or do i just talk about general things about what she has been upto and how has work been e.t.c? because i dont wanna pressure her into anythng, thats the last thing i wanna do because i could ruin everything totally, and i am determined to try my best to get her back because ive never loved someone so much in my entire life, and i dont think i ever will either, but i dont wanna keep puting pressure on her or make it look like i am desperate to have her back, well i am but i dont wanna show it incase she thinks i will just be there for her to turn to if anything else fails, and i dont wanna be a back-up i want her ot be mine because she loves me and wants to be with me, but the thing is i know she loves me, but its hard not hearing it from her own mouth!

[David83]

Thanks for the help Zoe, but i am not married??, i never said i was i said we were engadged, but to be honest ide love to be married to her, but i dunno if that will happen yet, well it may not happen at all but im keeping my hopes up for us, i feel that time is the best healer for this, and it will sort itself out over time, but not hearing from her for nearly a month now is killing me, i love and miss her so much is she scared to contact me do you think?

[sisterlynch]

I think that she just needs some time to herself. She'll let you know when she is ready to be with you again.

 

I really don't believe in permanent "goodbyes"! When she needs you she will get back in touch with you.

[David83]

Thanks for that sister, was a really nice thing to say, i dont believe in permenant goodbyes either, specially not in this situation, just hope everything goes good for us! i miss her like crazy though!

[sisterlynch]

I miss my friend too.

[David83]

Its gonna be a month in 4 days time since i heard from her! well 3 weeks really because i kept calling her and contacting her in the first week!, i couldnt help myself, by now you probably all know that she wants time to think, and she said she will contact me when she is ready, but do you think i chould contact her? text message or even an email? or should i leave it and not show that i am weak? because i keep feeling that if i dont contact her she will start to think that i dont love her or miss her because im not trying to make contact? or am i doing the right thing by letting her do as she said?, i know deep down that she is missing me and still loves me, but what is stopping her do you think? why do you think she is holding back the contact, because when i keep telling all of my friends and family, they keep saying to me that everything will be fine, just wait and see, its gonna take time but you two willbe in each others arms again someday! and thi makes me smile alot, because i feel the same,

Because i know her alot, and she is a very shy person, and i know she will not go with anyone else, and she said herself that she cant ever see herself with anyone else, and i believe her every word, because i trust her with my life, we have been through alot together, is this good news to hear? as i now alot of people who have broken up in long term relationships, and they have broken and have hated each other, and said that they do not love each other anymore when they broke up, but it didnt happen with us, it was very civilized and we said that we loved each other more than anything in the world, and we would always be soulmates, we just need some time to realise how much we do truly love and miss each other when we are apart, because we have never ever been apart for more than about 2 days before, so this is the longest time ive spent away from her in 2 1/2 years, and some people tell me that it is like a test!, so im hanging on with all the hopes and positive things we told each other on that fateful day, and its a great thing that she has still got her engadgement ring, because she said herself that she would love to wear it again! i would appreciate it if some of the questions i asked in this post could be answered, they may help me in my situation! i love her more than anything in the world, and i just want to hug her again!

[sisterlynch]

You are in the toughest time right now. You are wavering between wanting to run after her and staying away, as she has asked.

 

I don't know what is keeping her from you, you sound terrific and I can't understand why some girl would not want to be with you, but still she is gone for some personal reason that probably has very little to do with you.

 

Take solice in knowing that you have loved and keep that feeling with you as a positive, knowing that when the time comes and she lets you know how she is doing, she will come back.

 

I think if she doesn't, you'll find someone else. You seem real sincere in your feelings and she knew that, but something is making her afraid. If you do contact her, the healing will start all over again.

[David83]

"Take solice in knowing that you have loved and keep that feeling with you as a positive, knowing that when the time comes and she lets you know how she is doing, she will come back." and "If you do contact her, the healing will start all over again."

 

Thanks for those kind words, thats what i keep feeling when i go to contact her, i keep thinking, if i send this, will it start everything over again, and will i have to wait another month!, and i am thinking positive, im always thinking positve about this, she is my life and i really want her back and i dont think pestering her with emails, txt messeges or phone calls will help at all, i cant wait to hear from her again, i just really thought i would have heard from her before now, but i know she is going through a tough time aswell, and she WILL contact me when she si ready so im gonna have to wait and see!

 

And you seem like a very nice person too, i hope all is going well in your life, and thank you for helping me!, i'll keep you updated!

[sisterlynch]

I think that the best that you can do is keep on thinking positive about yourself and the relationship until she contacts you and tells you how she feels. To me it seems as though you have done nothing wrong and she just needs to come around.

[David83]

Yeah ive just gotta think positive, and thinking positive is helping so far, because im not giving up hope, i think we both deserve another chance, i dont believe that something can be completely over without a second chance, everyone deserves one no matter what the problem, im going out with my friends tomorrow night so that should take my mind of things for a while, well i will still be thinking about her, but being with friends helpe you get through things, they all say just giver a few weeks and she'll call you! i just hope they are right! the funny thing is, i miss her more than ever but i also miss her family too, i was very close to her parents too, and not being able to talk to them is hard aswell, because i used to talk to her mam if we ever had a problem or if i was worried about something.

 

it just doesnt make sense to me how two people can love each other so much but not be together, thanks for the advice you have really helped me, thank you, if she contacts me i'll be sure to let you know!