Boyfriend doesnt want to be with me but friends

[Kirstya59]

My ex boyfriend is currently suffering from depression. We broke up and ten got back together and within 2 weeks he broke the relationship off again last night. He would go into these moods when he would not talk to me for days and then would see me. Last night he text me saying kirsty im so sorry to hurt you but i just want to be friends. Im sorry. I hope that you dont just forget me, but i still want to be friends xx

[sharky988]

I'm so very sorry -- what a horribly painful thing to be told by text!!

 

Just my opinion, but if you really do want a shot a getting him back in the future, DON'T agree to be friends with him immediately after the breakup.

 

A real friendship can come later, when you've both moved on, if you don't reconcile. But for now, if he wants to end the relationship, your job is to accept it and remove yourself from his life as quickly as possible. Let him deal with the reality of not having you there.

 

And your job right now is to put the focus on YOU! Protect yourself. Surround yourself with the love and support of your friends and family. Post here about your feelings and let the people here support you.

 

Sometimes dumpers change their mind, sometimes they don't..... but what you need to do is take care of YOURSELF and protect your feelings. Give him the time and space to figure out what he really wants.

 

Just my advice -- but I would tell him that no, friends is not possible, and that you need him not to be in contact with you for the time being so you can heal and eventually move on.

 

And remember WHATEVER happens -- whether you end up getting back together or not -- you really WILL be okay in time.

[Kirstya59]

Thanks for your post, its really appreciated. I sent him a text saying I Want to tell you that you were right about the break up. I guess Its the right thing to do. Amazingly something wonderful happened recently...i guess when things happen they happen for a reason.... You know what? Also, thanks but no thanks on the offer of being friends. I love you too much to hang around as your platonic buddy and i cannot sit back and pretend not to care. Love is love. I wish you all the best in your life.

 

So thats what i sent and im

Nottalking to him anymore. It just painful

[offplanet]

You did a good thing there Kirstya.

[Kirstya59]

Thankyou offplanet its nice to have support that i did the right thing

[sharky988]

Yes -- it's painful to walk away, but in the long run you're being kindest to yourself and respectful of his decision.

 

IF he changes his mind, he'll let you know. But in the meantime you don't need the push-and-pull of a fake platonic friendship that's only going to keep re-opening the wound.

[Kirstya59]

No i know that being friends would make it worse. He now has time to think whether he wants to be in a relationship with me or risk losing me forever. I had a previous relationship where my boyfriend broke ip with me for 5 months and then came crawling back. As hea suffering from depression i suppose its inportant that he just wants to focus on himself and have friends atound him but i cannot do that as i dont want to e hurt more. We work together as well which makes it worse as we met there

[Kirstya59]

Now he has blocked me on facebook and i dont know why please someone respond

[zep]

He's mad. Just ignore it. Its a power thing.

[sharky988]

You've told him you don't want to be friends, which isn't what he wants. So he's retaliating by blocking you in an attempt to hurt you. He's just acting out of anger. I wouldn't make too much of it.

 

Trust me -- he's done you a FAVOR. You don't want to be having access to his Facebook wall anyway.

[Kirstya59]

Thankyou guys

[Kirstya59]

He has made a facebook status about me now saying >> one bimbo down does that make it 2 to go

[rocko123]

You've gotta figure out a way to completely detatch from him, Kirstya59. Start with a goal of going 30 days of NC and that includes all things internet. Then go for 60 days. You need to do some healing and, from what it sounds like, he is the opposite of that.

 

It's not about anybody else but YOU. Its going to hurt like hell but you have to cut him out of the equation.

[Tom1990]

I wouldn't say he's necessarily mad and trying to hurt you. He may be hurting real bad and is trying to protect himself. There's no way of knowing since you're NC now. You did a good thing by letting him know where you stand. Time to build on that and move forward!

[Kirstya59]

A guy i work with asked him why he broke up with me and he said it was because he felt happier on his own.... Do you think this is the depression as before it he always wanted to be with me and didnt want to stay at home because he didnt like it there?

[Yellowaura]

He needs to get help with his depression. You cannot make him do this. He has to do it for himself, find those things that do make him happy.

From my experience with manic depressives etc. they need to seek help themselves. Some react to people like mirrors. You stood fast with him, and he has done his version(a silly one). When you become happy, he will see that he isn't. Some feel the world owes them something, or that they 'deserve' people to hate them and abandon them. If he is getting therapy these things will show their face at some point. But you cannot make him see it til he sees it himself.

 

Hope that makes some sense.

[Kirstya59]

Hey guys, yes that makes a little sense. Thanks. I thinki may have saw him today with anothergirl, it hurt a bit and i felt upset but it could of just been a friend, i just wanted to write here

[Kirstya59]

Hi everyone, i actually bumped into my ex today, i saw his moped in a car pak i was parking in, wen i left, i saw him sat on a wall so i pipped my horn, waved and smiled, he awkwardly smiled and waved back.... My friend asked why i ddnt juT put my middle finger up but i thoughy to wave because it showed him i was happy and that he would possibly thibk of me later and miss me a little... Opinions please?! It hurts me seeing him and when i saw him ped i got really worked up

[Yellowaura]

Wave and be happy. Do it again next time!