is 19 year age difference to much??

[lumu]

I had a four year relationship with a person who was 17 years younger. I really don't think the age was the problem. It was his anger issues and his insecurity.

[My Advice]

Mr catus I am almost thirty one and I am in my intellectual and creative prime and expect that to last for many years to come.

 

 

 

When I was 19 I was pretty mature but my views are evolving and expanding more than ever despite being a heavy thinker my whole life.

 

 

People often reach their peak when they hit about twenty eight but people rarely consider the psychology why. People become comfortable and complacent with their views and dissecting what exist. They feel like their age is supposed to make them know more than they do. They become Lazy so to speak. But that should not be a barrier for somebody with a passion to intellecually evolve but instead a strength.

 

As for the age gap, nobody should be against it unless they have prexisting prejudice. Relationships have all kinds of challenges at any age and where as you might have a problem in a relationship with one person because of his age, it might not matter with somebody who is the same age in a different relationship, and it is less an obstacle for some people than others.

[My Advice]

princess if you have a problem with somebody who is five years older than you 'might' consider reassessing that priority. Five years is NOTHING. I find people younger than me who are intellectually stimulating and very mature with a far greater age gap than five years. (I am thirty).

 

You might find a relationship very healthy with an even bigger age gap -- both with somebody younger and older-- if there is a sexual and emotional attraction and both of you are mature and have things in common (but different enough to be stimulating.)

[My Advice]

Our problems started about 3 years in. I got pregnant. I had two children already and so did he. I thought that this would be something that wwe could have together. To in a way bind our family into one. Well, he got all insecure and immediately I had had an affair with someone I had worked with because there was no way he could have got me pregnant.... it just didnt make sense... ( I had a paternity done to prove to him I had never strayed hoping to show him that he was the only one I wanted)... well before I knew it I was worse than the painted lady. We separated for 6 months during my pregnancy.

 

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You are assuming too much here and scape goating the age.

 

This guy got insecure because he has low self-esteem on some level and isn't mature or self aware enough to deal with them. It is a lack of maturity not because of his age. Anybody who chooses not to demonstrate more trust than that and isn't educated enough to know forty year old sperm is more than capable of causing pregnancy has got problems.

 

And the longer that we are together, and the older our son gets(he is 5 now), the more restless he becomes.--- anybody can get restless. More common among younger than older.

Anybody can have children who resent their husband's new wife.

 

 

People change

Your personality changes as you experience life

What happens if there is a child in the relationship

Do you think that this person would be willing to start with another young child after having almost raised thier own?

What happens if he/she becomes insecure because of low self esteem or mid life crisis---

 

 

response: yes, many are willing to raise another child and they do all the time. Older people have children wth substantial age difference between their earlier ones. It depends on what the person wants. If they want more kids or kids at all or not.

 

And everybody goes through changes at different periods. Yes, people in their twenties go through more 'on average.'

 

Does that mean people in their twenties shouldn't seriously date or marry at all? You can change and become incompatible about anything if you are inflexible or not good long term emotional chemistry. Hell, I am in my thirties and am changing more than I ever have. So I shouldn't be in a relationship?

 

 

The age gap causes uncertainty in men and thereforee, regardless of what a woman does, she cannot "FIX" it or try to make them see anything---

 

This is a blanket generalization and absolutely not true. It might have happened in your experience but you are allowing that experience to prejudice against other age gaps.

 

 

 

know. I am still opening my eyes to what life is really about and what things really mean.

---

 

You would still be opening your eyes about what life means even if you were dating somebody your own age. Does that mean you shouldn't date at all?

And I am dedicated to evolving my identity and view points until the day I die. Doesn't mean I am doomed with other relationships that are younger or older or even the same age because I am constantly evolving. It is called accepting another person for who they are, trust, gratitude and appreciation, something people need to learn at all ages.

 

Your husband might be in his forties but he acts like he is fifteen.

[My Advice]

day, I have a lot in common with women in their forties and even some who are 19 or 20 if they are extremely mature. There is more to relationships than growing up with the same cartoons and toys.

In fact, many people's personalities are almost as complete as they will ever be around their mid twenties.

 

The only red flag is under 24, though it isn't a deal breaker, but that is because they are usually too immature or lacking self awareness to even be in a long term or lasting relationship with somebody their own age.

[ronnyt1]

I have a bit of a unique perspective in the area of age gaps. I am 15 years older than my wife and also a couples counselor. My wife was 23 when we met. I was 38. I already had four children, the oldest of which was 19 and not happy about my relationship. In fact, none of my family was happy about it. My wife's family welcomed me. Perhaps that was because her mother was 15 years older than her step-father. Today my children, their children and our families no longer notice our age differences.

 

We've been together about 25 years, married 22 of those. We are experiencing a few age related problems because my knees seem to have aged faster than me. On the other hand, she is experiencing ankle problems because of an injury. So, we get to help each other heal.

 

Over the years I have counseled couples with a wide range of issues. My clients have included age gap couples. For the most part the issues have been similar, regardless of age differences. Communication, financial, sexual, infidelity, children, and on and on. Couples don't differ a whole lot regardless of their ages or relative ages.

 

Yes, there have been age gap issues in my relationship and those of some of my clients. The key to solutions seems to always be the same. Do we love each other enough to do the work required to find a solution. I also find that to be the key regardless of age.

 

So, do age gap relationships work? Yes and no. They work if the quality of the relationship is such that it can survive normal relationship problems as well as those you experience with society and family because of age differences. If the quality is not there, you can expect problems regardless of your ages.