We've been broken up for 7 months and i'm still not over him

[jinkylovesyoo]

I was with my ex since our sophomore year in high school i was around 16yrs old. We had broken up last october2002, now im 20. Our relationship was the best thing that had happened in my life. It opened doors for me and my family and he made such a positive impact. my parents loved and trusted him to death and so did his parents of me. We were inseperable all the way thru high school. we loved each other so much. we graduated and went off to separate colleges still going strong.

we broke up last Oct b/c i made a bad choice and i cheated on him. he was heart-broken and i didnt realize how much he loved me until that night he broke it off. I thought that maybe in a week he would come around and we could try and fix things but 2 weeks went by and he didnt call me. after about a month of not seeing or hearing..we finally saw each other again and had sex. the subject of getting back together always came out of his mouth but then we would just start arguing. since then eveytime we would see each other we would have sex..well not all the time but most.

hes been talking to other girls and hes been talking to one paticular girl since february, and now its may. during that time hes still been seeing me.

maybe about a month ago, he told me he still love me and that we will get back together in the future just not now b/c he still feels like he wants to have fun and enjoy the single life b/c we were together for so long. he is not commited to this girl but lately he doesnt call me or anything anymore. and when he does or when i see him we have sex. for my bday last month he took me to LA/disneyland for the weekend which was great b/c it was the first time since we broke up taht we got to spend time togeter and remember how much we mean to each other. the other girl didnt know he went with me. i dont know what to do..i do know he loves me, maybe im just being selfish and i need to move on with my life. but i love him so much and i know that he is the one for me..i just dont know how to handle this situation...or what to say to him...we both still wear our promise rings..which is maybe a good sign. could she just be temporary hapiness?..i mean if he was really over me, would he have taken me to LA..or would he be still talking to me...i mean we have probably told each other in the last 8 months were not gonna talk anymore, but we always find our way back to see or talk again.that has to mean something right? why the both of us cant let go?..i just want to know what you guys think..hes not a bad person and i dont want anyone to hate and be like..hes a player, etc...b/c he is a single guy. But what should i do?? ive been so depressed ever since.

[mashimaro]

hey~

okie 1st of all about cheating~ well..wat can't u do about it..its past!~ let it go! and about u guys having sex..i suggest not to have sex with him..wat if he find sumone.. i'm saying this just for you..so u won't get hurt. why don't u talk to him about how u feel..try not to argue..have adult coverstation wit no fighting..either of u can't being the past..cuz its been done and u guys bk up cuz of that..so..wats important here is noe and future~ okie? maybe he might not wan to go out wit u now cuz he still hurt..but thing about this..do u think everything gonna be the same after wat happened? if u have hope and love this person..i say think about wat i said..

 

i hope i helped..

[SwingFox]

Hi Jinky,

 

First of all welcome to eNotalone.com and thank you for coming to us for seeking advice. I am sorry to hear that your relationship ended that way. I understand that you still would like to be together, but that the guy you were with is sort of happy now the way things are.

 

To tell you the truth, I am not sure what he's doing to you or what you are doing to him. Making love when you're not together looks a little strange to me. It raises the question: "Is he using you or are you using him?" Since you both seem to be comfortable with it, I see it as no point of discussion, but if you see it as holding on to him and things, you might reconsider making love with him. The truth is that if you make love to him no matter what, it doesn't give him any reason to go back to you.

 

As far as your relationship is concerned. If you guys decide to get back together, you will have to understand that it might be a little more difficult than you think. You have to trust each other completely again, for 200%. The truth is that you did cheat on him. Is he ever gonna trust you again? I believe that him regaining trust in you takes a time and patience, especially from your side. Are you ready for that?

 

Wether you're meant for each other or not, is not clear to me. The signs look good and that's why I would suggest to stick by his side for as long as you can. Just make sure that he's not making use of any advantage.

 

I hope that this helped you on your way and wish you good luck in your future

 

~ SwingFox ~

[jinkylovesyoo]

thanks swing.

 

thats true isnt it? if we keep on having sex that doesnt give him any reasons to come back to me. I know i was thinking about that last week, so this week when i did see him, we didnt have sex. I want him to be able to know what hes missing. I hope he isnt using me, and i am not using him.

i guess im just so weak..when it comes to him, i give in so quickly..i guess its b.c i miss him so much..but im just scared that yea he says he doesnt want to get back together and i am the one he wants to be with at the end..meaning maybe marriage....what if he falls in love with this girl and everything hes felt for me hell feel for her....ive had people tell me though our history together he will always think about, and it will always be compared. he has forgiven me which i am so grateful for b/c he had such a rough time. i dont know. i just love him and miss him so much.it sucks

[Australia]

Hi

 

If both of you are meant for each others, then you wouldn't have such a headache at present! I don't think the relationship is going good for the both of you. If he loved you, he wouldn't been having sex with you without the other girl knowing.

 

Put him in a position to choose you or the other girl. Once he had decided and still continue to see the other girl, then you should just move on as he is only a player.

 

Learnt from you mistakes before of cheating on your boyfriend, maybe then will other respect you.

 

Cheers,

[Zanne]

It's a bad idea to use sex as some sort of reward for him coming back. You should not have sex with him, not to make him miss it, but because having sex is getting both of you absolutely nowhere. It's convenient for him because he has a steady sex buddy, but can still date and try new things with other girls. What are you getting out of it? You're not getting him back because he seems to have made it clear he's not really interested in that right now. You won't get what you want through sex. Try just dating again, minus the sex. When you start spending time together, without the distractions of expected sex, maybe you'll both realize this is worth saving and he'll want to be with you again.

 

You have to work hard to make him trust you again. You cheated on him. That's the reason you broke up. That's a hard blow to take as someone's partner. He's free to see other girls right now, but he shouldn't be holding this "maybe we'll get back together" thing over your head. If he's with another girl, you should know to see how serious he actually is when he's telling you about possibly reuniting. The sex seems to have convinced you he wants things the way they were. Sex is no guarrantee of that. He'll keep taking what you're giving, but that doesn't mean anything. Find out how things stand with him, other women, and this relationship.