I need some advise please! (LONG AND COMPLICATED)

[kate04]

I was in a long term relationship with a guy for almost 4 years. The first year was difficult cause although i did loved him, he had a diificult mood : he thought too much about everything and was very stressed cause his courses at university were difficult. Then as the discussions got more frequently and as he disnt like me hanging out with my friends, it came the day when i couldnt stand all those things together more, and i broke up with him. It really hurted me but i was gonna answer him badly if we continued together.

 

Two weeks after i broke (we had been like 3 years together), i met a real nice guy who was very different from my fromer boyfriend, and he was much younger. So this new relationship really made me happy cause i felt free to be always me. When my fromer bf found out this he felt really bad and became awfully depressed thinking how i could find so quickly another person to envolve with. This made me feel pretty bad as well. But i kept seeing my ex bf as friends,he continued in love with me but i told him we wouldnt come back as couple as i was pretty in love with my bf.

 

Time went by and one day my ex bf told me he would disappear from my life cause he was tired of waiting for me. I dont know what happened inside of me, i felt totally scared of loosing him for ever, but i told him not to leave and he missunderstood, he thought i wanted to continue our former relationship and i stupidly didnt was brave enough to say no. So from this point it began hell to me as i was "again" with my ex bf but i didnt think absolutely at all to break up with my other boy

 

But i just couldnt get too near my former bf.. i was avoiding kissing him, and i spend my time behaving like we just were best friends, not intimacy at all. He complained about this, cause in our good times we had been great lovers in bed, and i told him i wasnt sure of my feelings. But the truth was i continued in love with my other bf and didnt want to break the heart of my first bf, i know i was doing bad but i just didnt find a way to tell the truth to anyone, and i felt i wasnt worthly

 

So then this former bf was offered an excellent position abroad. I just let him go without making any promise.. as i wasnt in love with him. Distance made both of us think a lot, i realized i do was feeling again for him some things, while he thought i wasnt good enough for him as he had waited for me so long to come back with him. Our communication was very little in that time cause i wanted to think by myself.

 

Time went by and when we saw again he was different, he was almost analyzing everything i did..he was being very racional and me was in the best of moods to be romantic but he told me he had met another chik in the place he had been working at. I did tried to express him more my feelings but i know i failed cause i was feeling terrible bad cause i continued with my another bf. So then i broke down with my other bf and felt more in peace with me. Besides i told my former bf i had lied him some times and he felt terrible desillutionated from the one he tought i was .So my former bf broke down with me, very awful moments for me but we decided to keep being friends although he was in love with this other chik.

 

But suddenly things akwardly changed. He now is telling everyone im a liar and i didnt love him at all, cause im chasing to switch into another relationship just inmediately after we ve broke down. And thats not true, he said that cause im spending more time in the chat , but this is because i need to distract since i felt pretty bad thinking i had lost the very great guy in my life. What i cant understand is that he is displaying so much anger, but he told me he is completely happy with his present gf and he thinks she is the girl of his dreams. .

So i dont understand why my former bf is talking bad of me, this hurts me a lot, i Would have liked to be friends for ever, but i guess he feels too much anger and i dunno how to stop that, calm down him and to make him remember we shared very good years long ago. I dont want at all to interfere with his present relationship so im not looking for him just waiting a reply of a email i wrote to him but its gone 3 monthis without any kind of reply. So do please advice me cause i dont feel well right now, im thinking, i deserve pretty badly all this that is happening to me cause i cheated, but i really didnt plan to do that, it was a very big mistake and i know i dont deserve any of this guys at all.

[Smusher]

disilusionated?

how old are you btw? that would help wth advice.

[kate04]

iam going to be 24 he is 30 years old . Do please give me some advise cause my head and heart aches