Lost love

[nexus532]

Somethimes i think of you,

laying by my side at night,

The warmth of a thousand suns,

A smell like the morning dew.

 

i loved the way you looked at me,

The way you touched my skin,

You always brought my heart some glee,

During the darkest days.

 

We were so happy then,

in our younger times,

You always told me you love me,

I said i loved you too.

 

Now many days have passed,

The nights are long and cold,

I always wish you were still here,

Your love will never leave my heart.

 

I bought you flowers the other day,

They smell like the morning dew,

Placed them down beside you,

In my Heart you will remain.

 

 

 

 

Still working on this, first draft, tell me what you think

[Silvi]

its ok.

 

you could maybe take off one of the stanzas. errm..you need to make a pattern. so like line one rhymes with two and three with four, so its like A,A,B,B. im not sure how much you know about poem writting so i dont know if you'll understand what i just said. but i've studied a lot on this so take my advice.

 

the words are good, but the last word of each line seems to be weak. maybe find some alternatives.

 

good luck...

[Serendipity1607307077]

I think that this is a very good poem..

 

I don't think that it has to have rhyme, but balance it out, perhaps if you don't want to make it rhyme, think about the number of syllables in each line so that it's smoother. Other than that, wonderful!

[ForAnother]

If you have read any of my poems you will find that I hate rhyme. I always find rhyming and putting things in stanzas very constraining to what it is that I am trying to say. I'd say just write, and construct it the way you want, even if it doesn't flow sometimes, its nice that you put your ideas down.

 

Thats jsut my .03 cents (due to inflation)

 

ForAnother

[lostlove]

Yeah, i gotta agree with that. I don't really like rhyming, I prefer free verse. But if you're gonna rhyme, then you gotta do it right. Pattern. Rythm. They both need to be extremely consistent if you are going to ryhme. Also, maybe you should think of something other than morning dew. I'm not totally sure, but I don't think it has a smell. I think that's just the smell of wet grass and clover. If you must use morning dew, then please don't use it twice. It sounds funny. But it is a good concept, so keep on working on it, it has potential. Good luck!