Anger, Dislike, Resentment

[OverYou]

I hate feeling this way, every morning is the same. I just want to get up and look forward to the day and not think about her. Do I have to eventually find it to forgive her to really stop these negative emotions? Right now I can't, it's probably because I'm stubborn but right now, I just can't forgive her. Her friends understand my feelings, that's why the speak to me still because I was left to deal with this by myself.

 

I hate what happened, so much so I wish I'd never opened my heart again.

[becomingkate]

Do I have to eventually find it to forgive her to really stop these negative emotions? Right now I can't, it's probably because I'm stubborn but right now, I just can't forgive her.

 

In some ways, yes. Not as though you understand or empathise, but more along the lines of "I feel sorry for her because she she can't/won't do the things she needs to have a good relationship."

 

Also, given enough time, you may realize that some of your behaviour contributed to the break up, but overall I've found that once I know someone isn't right for me (they're cheaters, or users) I just thank god that most likely, they're going to move on to someone else and leave me alone.

[OverYou]

She still had feelings for her ex so she broke it off, told me she wouldn't get back with him, lied to me and now she's talking to him again. He cheated on her.

 

While I am human and not perfect, I'm not aware I done anything for us to break up on my end. She just said it was unfair to me, I was perfect and she thanked me for everything. Typing that actually maybe made me understand why I am also feeling angry, maybe I need to forgive myself?

[SudoMB]

She still had feelings for her ex so she broke it off, told me she wouldn't get back with him, lied to me and now she's talking to him again. He cheated on her.

 

While I am human and not perfect, I'm not aware I done anything for us to break up on my end. She just said it was unfair to me, I was perfect and she thanked me for everything. Typing that actually maybe made me understand why I am also feeling angry, maybe I need to forgive myself?

 

 

I'm not sure how far removed, time wise as well as emotionally, you are from the situation to be able to objectively analyze your role in the relationship. But that's ok, you'll hopefully get to that point.

 

 

As for having to forgive her... you don't have to. It's more important that you learn to forgive yourself.

 

You might be scratching your head wondering why you need to do that, since you might feel slighted; hurt, betrayed, or any multitude of feelings, by her leaving.

 

Self analysis, or with professional help, can assist in sorting out various aspects that you need to learn to actually forgive, or even what is or isn't even forgivable.

 

You'll typically find that if you can learn to forgive yourself, it's easier to genuinely forgive someone else. It seems that often, our society tends to have more of a knee jerk reaction to 'thanking' and 'forgiving' people, when in reality..genuine forgiveness is a emotionally taxing process that most people are ill equipped to carry out. Forgetting is not the same as forgiving and I think is often what happens.

 

 

There are many great resources (I prefer books), that can educate you on the process of forgiving, anything from small things, to the deepest, most unforgivable injuries.

 

 

So....in the end.... you choose if you want to forgive her, but you should first choose to forgive yourself.

[gardnergirl2]

I am with you. I am nine months removed. I look forward to the day that he doesn't cross my mind. After 3 1/2 years, he moved a new woman in within weeks....WEEKS of our break up. That hurt so much, and I am angry. I know how you feel. Hurt.