A follow-up to my previous topic plzz read...

[Shieldfan]

Hi all. This is a follow-up to my topic earlier about help with my relationship. I sent my gf an email this morning asking if she was avoiding and dismissing me. And i also pointed out to her that it seems to me that she is spending more and more time with this other guy in the online video game we play, and less time with me. She admitted to liking this guy, and she said she even loves him. That madde me confused, so i wrote her back asking how she could love him AND me..... I also asked her if she would want him to come visit her instead of me in december, when im supposed to go meet her. Then she replied with this: "I don´t have to choose, you are my bf..... And if you cant take all of this, you have the choice to leave me, don´t you?" Those were her exact words. How do you interpret that line? To me it seems like she really wants me to leave her, unless i stay and put up with her flirting and charming other guys. It sounds like she don´t care that her behaviour hurts me sometimes, cos i said to her that it did. I have gotten used to her flirting online over the past 6 months we´ve known each other, but sometimes i feel hurt by it, and i told her that just now... And thats when she said the thing about my choice to leave her... I don´t wanna lose this girl, cos i love her so much, and i know that she loves me too, but im a bit confused now........ And plzz read my other topic, as i said in the beginning, this topic is a follow-up to that one.

 

Thanx

[arwen]

Shieldfan, I have read your posts before. You claim a girl that you didn't even meet, and by being clingy and jealous you risk losing her.

 

I can understand that this is her reaction. I would say the same. It hurts really bad when someone expresses distrust in a relationship. She says you are her boyfriend. This means you are her boyfriend. She remarks on your insecurity by stating that you don't have to be in this relationship. It's not nice, but I think she is annoyed by your problem with this. You are controlling her life, it seems. Let her free!

 

I am sorry if I sound harsh. You are a 36 year old guy, and you have a gf over internet gaming. Maybe I misunderstood, but I find this a bit immature, to be honest. Be upfront. Tell her you want to be her boyfriend and that you trust her. If you don't trust her, there is no reason to stay in this relationship, she has a very good point on that one. I speak from experience! I have made mistakes like this many times, and they are human... but be OPEN to her instead of manipulating her. I can understand if she feels a bit suffocated.

 

 

good luck

 

Ilse

[Shieldfan]

Thanx Ilse... I agree with you fully... Maybe its just my fall depression... I have been hurt in love many times before, and i don´t wanna get hurt again. But by acting like i do, that might just happen. Thanx for your advice=)

[arwen]

Yes, I suffer from falls as well. They kill me. I noticed that EVERY year I feel bad, nervous and tired around October. It puts a strain on my feelings and if I am not careful, I ruin my relationship...

 

So did you send her an email back? You should have a good conversation asap, I think.

 

I don't want to come accross as if I know the right thing for relationships. I feel so miserable today myself. I am in an LDR and we have had some trouble in finding means to communicate the last few days... his internet is not working so no msn. Yesterday he seemed very busy, so only one text. Today I see myself waiting for his call, and I hate that I do this. So you see, the only difference is that I don't express this feeling anywhere but here. I have lost a relationship mostly because of becoming very clingy and needy and jealous. So now I swallow and I try to work on my issues. When I will see my bf in 2 weeks, I will open up a conversation and tell him how insecure I can be and how difficult this relationship is for me. But I have learned to do so by NOT blaming the other person.

 

Hope that I am helping,

 

Ilse.

[Shieldfan]

U have a point there Ilse. I try to put myself in her situation, and she has been jealous on me before for talking to other girls. And i didn´t like it at all, infact it was a turn-off... and now im doing the same... I´ll get better at this, cos i don´t wanna lose this precious love that we share just by being jealous and suspicious, cos i feel that it can eat me up from inside. Thanx for your help Ilse, and take care u too=)

[Shieldfan]

We have talked about it now, and we are sure both of us that we love each other. I told her that i trust her and that i support her and im here for her no matter what. I feel like a rock has been lifted from my heart=) A little communication can do so much wonder=) Thanx to all of you for helping me=) I feel so much better now, having talked it out with my love.

 

Again, thanx