Where do I belong

[Sagaimzy]

The other day I got in a fight with my mom, and i wanted to run away, but then i realized i have no where to run away to. No friends that i feel THAT comfortable with that i can run to their house. In my town i have a lot of friends, but no true friends. And it bothers me a lot because, i am always thre for everybody, i tink i am an honest person, and i dont deserve to be treated like garbage.

 

I am still scarred form being torn apart in middle school. when i was yojnger all of my friends ganged up on me and made me go into a deep dark depression, i changed as a person, i am still not fully recovered. but still i manage to hang out with the friends who wonce made my life a living hell. I chose to associate myself with these people. they have changed of course, but whenever they ren't nice, or ignore me i get thse horrible flashbacks, which make me mad, and angry, then i act weird around htem. I just dont know what to do..i have many other friends but i dont know where i belong. I need somehwere to belong, i want true friends, I want at least someone that i can turn to whenever i need it with any problem..and i dont have that anymore, I am lost..

 

before i used to be able to talk to my mom whenever i had a problem, however for a few months now she has changed inot a totally differenct person..i dont want to get into detaals, but i just dont like what she has become..

 

I need advice, i dont know what i should do, because the firends i have are good to me at times, but they minipulate me into thinking that they are great and super, when they are far from that

all o them are just worried about themselves, I always listen to any problem they ever have, but they never have the time to listen to me and how I feel about things...it makes me sick,

[Dee Dee]

As a teacher and assistant principal for many years, I have learned that you are not alone. Most pre-teens or teenagers feel just like you do. In my lifetime, I can could the real friends I ever had on fewer than 5 fingers. People are more into themselves and focus on their needs. Most of the time they don't mean to hurt you. Maybe you are just a really sensitive person. It is natural, but is is also sad. There are few wonderful friends like yourself who are giving. In time, those with whom you maintain contact over the years will make you realize that you do have some friends. There is nothing wrong with you. I felt the same way in school. I think you have to accept people for who they are instead of having such high expectations from friends. Don't depend on others for your happiness. Be giving when it is accepted, but focus on finding happiness within yourself by doing things that make you happy. Accept yourself as you are, and try to realize that at this point in life friends are not capable of giving you what you expect perhaps. Try talking to your counselor at school. It might help you gain a clearer perspective.

[Misunderstood_Me]

I can completley relate to your situation. I have had a similar experience when I was in middle school too. I think it's quite admirable that you have been willing to forgive those who've hurt you in the past. It takes a very mature person to do that. But, I know, personally, that its not always easy to forget what those have done to you. If you feel like you really cant trust, relate, or arn't appreciated by your "friends", then find some that can. I used to hang with a group of girls in middle school who made me feel bad about myself and ganged up on me and completley ruined my reputation in the end. There for a while, I felt like I was worthless and horrible. But, then I found a friend that accepted and loved me for me! We grew very close and I started finding more and more people who could too! Eventually, I had made a full comeback and became more popular and well liked than I ever had before!!! But, for different reasons, people liked me for my personality, not for my appearance and the crowd I hung with. Hahaha, and those girls that treated me like crap and ganged up on me, they came crawling back. I forgave them, but I'll never be they're friend again, just an aquaintance. Remember, It's QUALITY over QUANTITY. It's better to have 1 true friend then to have 1,000 foes.

[SwingFox]

Hi sagaimzy,

 

First of all welcome to eNotalone.com and thank you for coming to us for seeking advice. I am sorry to hear that you are going through a lot of confusion with your friends and now with your mom, too.

 

My suggestion is that you evaluate your friendships: one by one. I would recommend you that you let go of those ones that you THINK you are friends with and just hang out or talk to them occasionally. I know what I am talking about, because I have been in the exact situation where you are right now. I learnt that I have to surround myself with friends that fully accept and respect me for who I am. Even now when choosing new friends, I only accept those that are taking this into consideration. That has made me very picky in choosing my friends and those that I call friend. I don't have many friends, but those that I am friends with are REALLY close friends. I can trust them with anything, without them going around and telling anyone what I trusted them.

 

It's not the number of friends that count. It's the quality of friendship that matter. I have a strict line between 'acquaintence' and 'friend'. One good friend is worth more than 10 'just friends'. I hope that you will find your circle of friends and this helped you in making the right decisions that work for you.

 

~ SwingFox ~

[mashimaro]

hi~

think of them as a experience..

in time..u will meet nice friend who will be there for u..

i know how u feel..but..all i could tell u is that..wen u grow up

u will know how to chose friends..and about ur past..don't let it get to you

don't even show ur friends that ur hurt cuz of them..even tho ur reallie upset and down..i know u gonna meet new friends later on..i suggest u to see how they really are..if u think there not and treating u like that..make new friends..try to hang out wit different pplz..i know its not that easy...if u have other friends then them..i suggest u not to hang out wit them..but its ur chose..i know for fact..u will meet nice friends later..so..don't be do down about it!~

 

friends comes and goes and true friends will stay~