Swede Posted October 23, 2004 Share Posted October 23, 2004 Ok....so I'm back, probably to nobody's surprise. This is again about my ex CP relathionship…… My old thread is here... link removed After going back and forth many times the first year of our relationship, I finally said enough, went on my way and went one month of NC. Then the calls started coming. He wanted to come back, and that during our month of NC he had come to many realizations. He told me that number one reason for intentionally ruining our relationship was based on another woman. Carla, this woman, has been a friend since 3 grade and over the years, they've kept in touch sporadically, mainly a 2 minute phone call once a quarter to "catch up". That's it! And I know this is true. They have never had a relationship but according to him, she's been a sort of security blanket, a fantasy (which I have read is very common for CPs). He said he thought that she was just in his mind, that he could commit to something that wasn't even there. Coming back, he told me during his soul-searching, he had finally confronted and admitted those feelings for Carla to himself and let it go. He realized I was the one, he wanted to marry me, have children with me and that she was no longer a part of his life. I listened and I took him back. I did so based on two things- that he go to therapy and told Carla farewell. I told him if we were to move forward, I could not live with the potential influence of her everything something was going wrong with us. He promised to do both. He went to therapy- four times, and then informed me he didn't need it because he had worked out his issues. Then last four months have been bittersweet. He's again pursued me, rushing things, talking about our future, how much he loves me and how he can't wait for us to start a family. Sure we've had fights and I have admittedly had a hard time trusting his words so I have pushed him several times, probably to test his commitment and each time- he's stood his ground and assured me he's done running away. Overall, our last four months have been really wonderful. I told him he would not have to call Carla and end their "relationship" but that when she called, he would need to tell her. He kept saying he would and he would tell me once he talked to her but last month or so, he started giving me a hard time about. He'd do it, but he made sure it was under protest. Well she called 3 weeks ago, I had his phone when she called. It was a missed call and he never told me if they had had contact again since the call so I pushed the issue once again. I told him it's been four months and I have no faith that he will keep his word, that his "fictitious feelings" as he referred to them as, were too strong and that he needed to do this for us to close that chapter and move forward. After a whole day of agony of not hearing back from him, he called me and I went over to his house. He told me he could not commit himself to me 100% because his feelings for her were too strong, that he was not able to say goodbye to her, and that we were never able to move forward unless he found out once and for all if there was anything there between them. He said he needed to be true to himself and for him to do that, he had to let me go because if he didn't do this, he'd always wonder. He needed to confront her about his feelings to see if she felt the same. He said because they managed to keep in touch so long, he though they may be meant to be together. He gave me a pity-party comment on how he was "risking everything" to finally be able to put this to rest. CLEARLY I'm not everything since he's chosing someone else over me. NOBODY, knows what the hell this guy is talking about, my friends, his friends etc. They've never even heard of this girl. He hasn't seen her for over 5 years, he barely even knows her which he admits to and she lives in another state. My question is, how can he leave our relationship that has been so good since we "worked things out" for someone he doesn't even know?? Is this just an excuse to get out because he's feeling the commitment fear again? I'm in some serious pain........it was so sudden, and I feel very betrayed. I feel like he's cheated on me mentally and that nothing he said or did was true. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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