Mistykitty Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 Alright, anyone who's read my previous thread knows I'm in a super confusing situation... Well, two nights ago I finally broke down and texted him, basically apologizing again. (He was the dumper btw) It lead to him asking why I never talked to him anymore, I told him I was trying to move on, and he got upset. Things settled down and he ended up saying that I should win him back over if I want any chance at dating him again. (Now, I KNOW there's a POSSIBILITY he's stringing me along, etc. etc. so I don't want to hear that, please. I'm aware of the possible consequences but have decided to do this) Has anyone else done this before? Its obvious he still has a lot of love for me, he's just unsure about whether to come back because I treated him so badly. I'd just like to know what to avoid doing...and possibly any tips for winning him back? Gifts and "good morning" texts can only go so far, haha And when will I know when its the right time to ask him on a date? @-@ I feel like I'm gonna have to do everything Link to comment
minorissues Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 How were you treating him badly? I think you need to figure out why you were treating him badly in the first place. Otherwise you're just going to do it again. Link to comment
Mistykitty Posted October 13, 2012 Author Share Posted October 13, 2012 I have, I went into it a little bit on my other thread but I didn't think it was relevant here so I didn't include it Link to comment
minorissues Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 I have, I went into it a little bit on my other thread but I didn't think it was relevant here so I didn't include it Oh! Sorry, didn't know there was another thread. I just skimmed through it, so now I see. I think all you can do is start again, from the beginning. But I don't know if things will work out this time because the issues that caused your fights are still there. In my mid 20s I was in a situation similar to yours, where I was the one who needed a lot of space and was emotionally distant, and my boyfriend was passionate, "fiery" and quick to break up and try to make up. We fought like cats and dogs because we would blow up at one another before effectively communicating what we wanted and needed from one another. After a year and a half of dating he broke up with me, said he "couldn't do it anymore." I was so tired of the fighting that I was almost relieved to see him go. He eventually told me he had broken up with me to see if I would react, and when I just let him go, it put him into a tailspin. He started seeing a doctor, was prescribed antidepressants, then called me again three months later just to talk. Just kept chatting on the phone, went out for coffee, had dinner, tried to talk through our disagreements rather than blowing up. Naturally, a friendship re-formed. I think we would have officially gotten back together if I had been in a different place in my life at that point (I was in law school and busy as hell, inexperienced in relationships and suffering from GIGS, insecure, etc.) So as I mentioned above, both parties have to do some growing up and attending to the outside issues (your bipolar, his inability to communicate properly when he wants some space rather than ignoring your calls and blowing up at you, for example) in order for the relationship to work this time. Superficial things like having fun on a coffee date or taking him to see his favorite band perform are not going to fix all of the underlying issues, because the issue between you two was not that you were bored with each other or taking each other for granted, but something deeper that needs to be addressed within you two individually. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 Things settled down and he ended up saying that I should win him back over if I want any chance at dating him again. I would not want to date someone who said this to me. It's immature, game-playing, and mean. A mature adult would sit down and have a conversation with you and talk about what needs to change for this relationship to work. I did read your other thread, and it just seems that you are way too focused on what he wants and what he needs. What about your own needs? The whole situation sounds unhealthy. Maybe you should consider moving on. Link to comment
Mistykitty Posted October 18, 2012 Author Share Posted October 18, 2012 Saw him again for class Monday, and it was almost like we had never broken up =| He couldn't stop talking to me, made me a rose out of paper, and was playfully bumping into me. ...he stopped texting me after that, though. I found out he took up drinking (something he said he'd NEVER do because he lost a family member to it), and told me to not "assault" him when I /casually/ mentioned it I'm so tired of these games. Hope one minute, sadness the next Link to comment
HeatherB Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 You have a chance to re-evaluate this guy as a potential boyfriend. He's probably yours if you want him and you're willing to contort yourself a little. So the ball is in your court. Do you want to spend valuable time on a man who plays games, gives you directives, drinks, and tries to shut you down from talking about it? Are his redeeming qualities so great that they make up for all the problems that lead to the breakup? Link to comment
Mistykitty Posted October 25, 2012 Author Share Posted October 25, 2012 And the game continues @-@ Acted very friendly in class, has been texting me his various accomplishments all week. We don't talk much now but when we do its always cheerful (and initiated by him). He wanted me to come see him at work today, I couldn't because I had class. I also just got back on Facebook and saw he never even changed his relationship status, idk what's up with that (probably just didn't want all the questions but I can't help but to overanalyze things, hah) I'm in a pretty good place right now, I've finally truly realized that I can be happy with or without him c: I just wish he'd make up his mind, its been a month now Link to comment
Mistykitty Posted October 28, 2012 Author Share Posted October 28, 2012 Anyone? No? We talked for 4+ hours straight a couple nights ago (me initiating but him working to keep the convo going), but haven't really talked the past two days. I know he's been busy with work and school but I'm started to get afraid that he's just using me =/ Do I make a move, like asking him out on a date? Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 He did make up his mind. He dropped you. Then when you chatted again, he said YOU had to win him back. I say, now that you are truly realized you can be happy without him, do so. He is stringing you along. Link to comment
Mistykitty Posted October 30, 2012 Author Share Posted October 30, 2012 Hah well he blocked me so I guess I'm done Link to comment
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