Co-Worker attraction - Guys I need your advice!!!

[ff2afewyearslater]

I hope I'm not the only one online on a Friday night, because I could use some good advice, especially from the guys.

 

I'm a 27 year old female, there is a guy at work (he's 30) that I am so, so, so attracted to (problem: he has a girlfriend in another city). We talk a lot (work in the same office suite), eat lunch together everyday (usually in a group) so we basically spend 40-50 hours per week together. We laugh and joke a lot; we stare at each other without breaking eye contact when we talk.

 

So please tell me...is it possible for a guy to spend this much time with a girl and not think about her as more than a co-worker/friend, even if he has a girlfriend? And if he was not attracted to me, would he continue to look at me like he does, take cigarette breaks with me outside, and joke with me?

 

I thought I had him figured out, I thought he liked me. Then today, at lunch by ourselves, we get on the subject of religion. He is not a very religious person, but he brings up his girlfriend in the conversation (he NEVER talks about her) and says something like "you know, my girlfriend is Buddhist." I was completely speechless, not because his girlfriend was Buddhist, but because he never mentions her and he did today. So all these signals I thought I was getting suddenly were thrown out the window, I think.

 

So guys, please tell me: (1) if you are around a woman that much and have a good working relationship with her, are you attracted to her (even if you have a girlfriend) and (2) if you were attracted to the woman at work, would you mention the girlfriend in conversation?

 

Please be brutally honest. I am really confused and need to know if he is telling me to back off....but then he starts acting like he likes me again. What is going on?

[anon728]

First, your questions:

 

1. I would usually only spend that amount of time with people that I really enjoyed, or were somewhat interested in (maybe just a crush b/c it is 'taboo.')

 

2. If he only mentioned her religion, and wasn't like, "and that's a big problem in our relationship," then I wouldn't read anything into it. If he did add something like I mentioned, that could be a sign that he was testing the waters.

 

I'll be honest here, there could be some interest, there could not be. But, I would recommend you STAY AWAY. He's got someone else...if it is not right for him, then he needs to break that off BEFORE approaching you. Too many people keep someone in the wings, and then drop them when their hand is firmly on another branch. It's not fair to the other person, and you wouldn't want him to treat you that way.

 

EDIT: I know it's tough...I was interested in this girl at work for the longest time, and she expressed some interest in me, and we went out for drinks now and then, but then finally I said, 'hey, you've got someone...if it is meant to happen then it will.' Well, she's been married to him for a few years now, and I'll tell you, I am so happy that I wasn't the cause of some breakup.