How can I tell if a girl actually likes me?

[LightAndDark]

I can never tell if someone likes me, as in more then just "he is a nice guy" kind of like. I am one of those people that people say gives off good vibes and people usually like me. So if a girl smiles when she sees me or I talk to her I pay no attention to it as I just see it as a "he is a nice person" kind of smile. I have tried to ask some girls out who did always smile at me years back but when ever I did they always declined, saying they don't like me like that. So I learned to not trust my judgment of body language if someone looks like they like me.

 

Even if I am talking to a woman for a few hours at a table and we are just hitting it off, even that doesn't give me a thought of "maybe she likes me" because I sometimes talk to people for a long time just because, so I see no reason why anyone else wouldn't. And I don't want to ask them if they would like to do something later as it would make me seem like I like them, and I am deeply afraid of showing I like someone because they might not like me. And if that is the case then I get extremely embarrassed, my anxiety goes up, and I need to leave. I then pretty much never speak to that person ever again. I can't. I would have to really fight with everything I have just to even come in close proximity. Its almost like I become pathologically anxious, and I start to feel a panic attack ready to happen. It will take weeks before I feel fully recovered, as my mind will be racing trying to figure out what went wrong, and trying to try to figure out why I am like this, my thoughts just going around and around, non stop. I can't stop my mind from thinking, I have tried to, but the more I try to stop it the more my thoughts race around trying to figure out how to stop thinking.

 

I also don't pay attention to any subtle hits that someone likes me. I am pretty much blind to subtle hints. If I am talking with a woman, I am not focusing on her body language, I am focusing on what she is saying, and I need to be able to see in my head what someone is talking about, so when I hear someone, my mind is also creating an image of what the person is saying so that I can understand it. If I can't visualize it, then I can't understand it. Like if someone says get the red can, but I accidently visualize a blue can, then I will understand it as get the blue can. So I am usually too busy trying to visualize what is being said in the conversion to be able to pay attention to body language. I can only focus on either the conversion or the body language, I can not focus on both.

 

I also over think things. If I even think a girl likes me, my thought process is basically this: "She is smiling at me. She looks nice. Maybe she likes me. No, she is just smiling. But maybe. But a lot of people smile at me. I better just ignore it to be on the safe side. But if I ignore it then I might miss out on something great. Something great? How cliche of you, you have watched too many movies. I know. No, screw you. Don't tell me screw you, I am you. What was I thinking about? Oh right the girl...um......I am going to just ignore her. Make it easier on myself."

 

This is a very very mild example.

 

So to avoid all this mess I like to first make sure if someone actually likes me, but I don't know if someone likes me unless they flat out say it. But most women don't seem to do this, it seems like a lot of them like to give the guy room to guess, and for me I can't have any room to guess, because then that just means I won't know for sure unless I ask them, which I will not do as I am too afraid that they might not really like me that way, and then I feel the anxiety exploding in me and need to do all I can to hide it.

 

So is there a way to find out if a woman likes me without asking, without showing interest, without guessing or seeing body language, and without her just saying she likes me?

[Joleen]

well I'm kind of shy too and I don't like to show my hand if I like someone. But the dead giveaway if I like someone is I steal glances at them a lot. I try not to stare, but I will catch myself looking at them - a LOT. A girl who's not interested won't be looking at you much.

[Notagoodninja]

A girl def wont spend hours with you if she's not interested...unless you're PAYING her lol.

 

Anyway if I'm interested in a guy yeah I will accidentally be caught looking at him but I try not to so he won't get weirded out hahaha

I will try to walk in front of him or I will be looking for him, I will try to be around him when he goes into certain rooms etc...

But I am also very shy so I won't approach him I won't go talk to him I won't make conversation with him

 

I never ask a guy for his number I am pretty old fashioned but if I liked him and he asked ME for my number I would act really happy & give it to him

If I didn't like him I would come up with excuses like "well here's my number but I just got out of a bad relationship...etc etc"

[boxy tee]

How can I tell if a girl actually likes me?

 

There is no better way - no way, no how - than asking her. Seriously. Girls can be just as clueless as guys. But if you're doing it too soon, you'll look like a creeper; If you're doing it too late, you may have already ended up in the lonely abyss known as "friend zone". It's a tough call to make, but you will have to learn when to make the move.

 

So is there a way to find out if a woman likes me without asking, without showing interest, without guessing or seeing body language, and without her just saying she likes me?

 

Are you kidding me? Don't do this - the bolded part! That will only serve in making you look like a jerk (when you don't seem like you are) and it will make the girl turtle. If you don't show/generate any interest whatsoever, that sentiment will be reciprocated.

 

Anyway, here are a few things I've caught myself doing when I'm starting to like a guy.

 

1. Hold his gaze, then break away, then look again. (Emphasis on second look.)

 

When holding a crush's gaze for a little bit longer than usual, I will almost instinctively break away (as if I was caught in the act of staring), but I will almost always look back again.

 

2. If I've gotten to the point where I can have longer conversations with him, there will sometimes be an awkward silence, where we will just stare at each other and not say a word. It could just be a few seconds, but it will feel like forever. (Oh, wait, but that is when I suspect the feeling is mutual.)

 

3.Finding a hard time saying his name.

 

Maybe this is more of a shy girl kind of thing. I'm not shy to the point where I avoid the guy I like, but I have so much trouble saying his name. I don't know why. I always struggle and it shows. I hope that's not an unattractive thing to do...

 

Anyway, those are just a few things that I notice about myself. Every girl is different. There's no surefire method of gauging whether or not she's interested, but best of luck to you.

[LightAndDark]

Lot of girls seem to like jerks for some weird reason though. Plus if I show interest then how am I any different than all the other guys on this planet? I strive to be different. To be my own person. By showing interest I make myself just the same as everyone else. I can't do that. It is against my very nature. I have even tried to rid myself of all desire to be with someone, but that has not happened.

 

1. I don't have a gaze to be held. When I am talking with someone I don't constantly look at them. If I do then I can't think. When someone is talking to me I need to be able to visualize what they are talking about. If I don't then I will have no clue at all what they are saying. Like if someone says "I like to eat toast" I understand this by seeing some toast in my mind. If I don't visualize it, and she says that, then I am not able to understand what she said. I look around because it helps to keep my concentration mainly inside my mind so that I can understand the conversation. Also because I am doing this my body is more or less on a form of auto-pilot. This is just who I am.

 

2. If a girl is having a hard time having a conversation with me then I know they don't like me. If she is having an easy time having a conversation with me then she might like me but then she might not. Its kind of a grey area and I simply am not able to comprehend grey. I am very black and white. There is a lot of grey in this world and that is probably why I have a very hard time understanding and relating to this world. If its "maybe" then I get lost.

 

3. To me that could mean that she just is really bad with names. I am, I am terrible with names. I could be having a great time with someone, even for a week, and still ask "what was your name again?" Sometimes it could take me a month to be able to remember someone's name. Its like I think of someone's name, and then eventually another thought pops in my head and I forget what I was thinking.

[LightAndDark]

I don't get why a girl wouldn't spend hours with me even if she was not interested. I can easily talk to a girl for hours and not have any real interest in her. I might just really like the conversation that is going on. Like I could have interest in what the person is talking about and not have interest in the person.

 

Say I was at a bar or something, or a party. I am having a conversation about something with her, and it goes on for a good while. In my head I am mostly focusing on the conversation. I am pretty much just focusing on that really. So if she says "I went to Italy last summer" in my head I am thinking "Italy, might be nice to go there. Is Italy the place where dinners last 3 hours? No, that's France. I wonder if the leaning tower of Pisa will ever fall one day. How much would it take for it to fall? What is that name of something where after it reaches a certain angle it falls? Don't know. What ever." I am also listening to what she is saying at the same time. But that is how my mind works. Goes from one thought to another thought to another. I have ADD so its really hard for me to stay focused on one thought for too long. I have tried to keep it focused but it doesn't work. I also don't care to take any medication for it, I like the way I think. Its part of who I am.

 

I never ask for a girls number because to me that is too cliche. Also it indicates that I have interest in the person, and she might only like talking to me because she liked the conversation. And in my head I am thinking she will think "Oh, he was talking to me because he is interest in me....well this is awkward. I'll say a few things then leave. And here I thought he was a nice guy, guess he is just no different than any of the other guys out there."

I also don't like the thought of others thinking about me. I like to think that when I talk to a woman she is thinking about the conversation.

 

Unless a girl says "I like you" then I really don't know if she does. I might think she does but since I don't know for sure then I can't tell. I also don't ask because I have no clue how to ask. All I can think of is ask "hey, do you like me" and that is probably one of the lamest questions out there. I would feel like a total dork asking that.