He doesn't understand why I worry

[Ruthlah]

So my b/f goes out once in a while, it's not as if I'm jealous because he's out too much, but that's the way he looks at it. When I talk to him and he's going out to some party or to the bar with his friends i NEVER give him a hard time. He starts off deffensive when he's going out, as if he already knows I'm going to be mad. I don't get mad though, I just worry when he says he'll call me and he doesn't. Or when he says he's going out with his roommate and I call his house the next day and his roommate says he doesn't know when he is.

 

All of his friends have been in jail, have warrents, deal drugs and I worry about what hes getting into. Last night he said he was coming over after he got out of the bar. I didn't even bother waiting up for him because I knew he wasn't coming.

 

I woke up in a panic. He KNOWS i'm a nervous person and he KNOWS that I worry, but he takes it in a sense that i want to control him and know his every action. I just want to know he's alright and he's not in trouble.

 

He never wants to do anything with me. we've been together for 1 1/2 years, and we've yet to go on vacation. He never has money and won't even conside saving 200 to go on a weekend trip with me. But if one of his friends wants to go to a casino, he has no problem saving 500 to go blow.

 

i don't think he gives a [PROFANITY REMOVED BY MODERATOR] about me and i dont know what to do. I talked to him and he says he'll call me back in a few minutes. a few hours had gone by and i don't know why i'm still waiting by the phone

[antzca2000]

um... break up with him?Where are you hoping to go with this man? He's not going to wake up one day and say to himself "imgoing to be a completely different man". This guys a lost cause, dump him...

[elveden]

What does this guy think he's playing at!?

 

You're right in saying he's treating you badly - and if it was me i'd have ended the relationship a long time ago. As a guy I know that sometimes you wanna just let lose and have fun with other people, but your b/f needs to sort out his priorities.

 

Try talking to him again. If that doesn't work, then i'd seriously consider ending the relationship.

 

Sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear, but I think others will agree with me. Let me know what you think.

[Ruthlah]

thanks guys and gals, I was just wondering....is it so much to ask that he lets me know he's alright during the night? That he breaks away from his friends for one minute to even send me a text message? Isn't that what a relationship is?

 

Everytime I tell him I was worried or nervous, he gets so mean and starts saying "i can't [PROFANITY REMOVED BY MODERATOR] live like that blah blah"....could another reason be that almost all of his friends are single? Maybe he wants out but he wants me to do it.

[elveden]

I think the only advice anyone can give you here is that you NEED to try talking to him again.

 

That's the only way you're going to find out what he thinks and it's the basic structure of any relationship.

 

Hope this thing works out for you..

[antzca2000]

UM... not its not too much to ask. It should be something he does without you having to beg him to. This man wunt change, might as well skip the formalities and just dump him.

[tea]

Well, you can always tell a lot about a person by taking a good look at their friends.

 

It is very unlikely that your boyfriend will ever change, unless if he one day wakes up in realization that his life is going nowhere and he will not be respected by going to the casino all the time.

 

I think it might be best for you to move on and find someone who cherishes you, and is willing to blow 500 dollars on you instead of saving up 200 dollars for the casino.

 

You're 34! 1/4 done with life! Life is short! Find someone who loves you!

[Vanilla]

Tell me who you're with and I'll tell you who you are. That is all I have to say about your boyfriend. Let me tell you something. My boyfriend and I have been together for close to 2 years. We spend every bit of free time together. We do spend time with friends but they dont live in the same city as we do, so its harder for us. We do certain things on our own, but lets face it when you are in a COMMITTED SERIOUS relationship, other than your work/school/family your relationship is also a top priority. Our best times are spend with one another. We love being together thats why we're in a relationship and we always save up and take at least 2 trips every year!

 

Do you really want to be with a man who does not consider you a priority in his life? Do you really want to be with a man who has friends with warrants and wont even take you on a romantic vacation? I can't tell this enough to women out there, YOU DESERVE BETTER! DO NOT settle for anything else than you think and truly BELIEVE you are worth! I really hope you don't think that you're worth a call now and then. If you're in a constant state of worry and he's never there for you that's more than enough to tell you you're too good for him. PLus he lies to you! Sweetie you deserve better!

[arwen]

You are 34 years old, how can you have a relationship with someone that behaves like a 18-year old (well, like SOME 18-year olds)?

 

Break up with him! Yes, the people he hangs around with tell you about himself, and they are no excuse for his behaviour! He chooses to be with them, so it tells you he is immature and not suited for a serious relationship. God knows what he is doing when his roommates don't know where he is the next morning. Point is, you shouldn't have the need to call the next morning to find out, I think. In a stable relationship you know where he is, and he lets you participate in his life.

 

Ilse.