does anyone have advice on this?

[sasha12]

here I am posting again but i can't help it weird stuff going on with my bf. My bf and I use to have a really good sex life but the last two weeks he has been sleeping on the couch(his choice) the last time we had sex i thought it was very passionate he complained the next day and said I kept him up all night and he was tired at work. Lately he tries to pick agruments with me for no reason and he has a big problem with my weight. But the weird thing is he gives me lots of hugs he calls me everyday from work . It does seem like he cares for me but just doesn't want to have sex with me. I really don't unferstand because things use to be good between us. And I really want things to be back the way they were.

[Lily04]

Why not ask him about it? I'd phrase it in the same way you posted pretty much..say something along the lines that you love the conversations together, but feel something's a bit off, and just want to make sure everything's OK with him. Maybe there's something at work that's preoccupying him, or he's very stressed and isn't in the mood. I get like that sometimes. But ultimately you should find out what's up..there's varying possibilities, but we can't read your guy's mind so he'll have to let you know.

 

Take care,

 

lily04

[OceanEyes]

Lately he tries to pick agruments with me for no reason and he has a big problem with my weight.

 

You haven't said how he's critiquing your weight. It's one thing to have a problem with someone's lack of taking care of themselves the way they did when the relationship first started, but it is quite another to criticize in a cruel and condescending fashion. How does he say it if you don't mind my asking?

 

By the way you've phrased your sentence, it leads me to believe that he's coming at you about your weight in a way that isn't so respectful. Would I be right? If he has a serious concern with your weight, then the only way that it is acceptable to comment on this is to bring up the concern with tact and full respect. How is he doing it?

 

I have another couple of questions, if you don't mind, to help me understand your situation a bit better.

 

1. How did you look when you first got together?

 

2. Does he seem to be finding fault in a lot of things you're doing?

 

3. What does he do? Are his work hours very stressful and does he work late a lot?

 

I'll keep an eye on your thread today and give my thoughts when after you have the time to reply.

[ComputerGuy]

Hmmm, I could be wrong, but is there any unusual amount of stress for him at the moment....maybe at work or something. I'm not saying he's justified in putting you down and picking arguments, but maybe there is a reason behind it.

[OceanEyes]

I don't think I could stay with my boyfriend if his way of coping with stress was to verbally attack me and put me down. Of course I would understand his stress, but I'll tell ya, I would not be understanding or supportive if the only way he could deal with it was to criticize me.

[sasha12]

hello oceaneyes thankyou for your concern. I had posted a couple days ago about how he treats me about my weight. I only way 145 pounds I don't really mind saying because my weight doesn't bother me at all. When we first met I sold real estate and had to dress up alot. I'm unemployed at the moment but I still dress up alot because I like to look nice. But for your question about how does he treat me. He would like me to be a size 0. He finds pics of girls in magazines and says this is what he thinks is pretty. He says I have a huge butt, and then he laughs about it.He keeps track of what I eat and makes jokes about my stomach all the time. He asks me if I need to go to the hospital to have a baby because I look like I'm gonna have a baby a minute now. There's alot more but this is so embarrassing. My looks are important to me and i take good care of myself. As for him he is a truckdriver for a very large company he works very long hours (15 hours a day) and I know he is very stressed out.

[ComputerGuy]

Wow...OK that is just wrong...no guy does that to a girl, not if he cares about her. I think you need to consider whether you want to continue with this guy....he doesnt seem like hes worth your effort. You sound like a nice girl, and you definitely deserve better than that.

 

To OceanEyes, I agree with you, and as I said, it's not justified, just suggesting it may have been a factor

[OceanEyes]

Sasha - this isn't about your appearance, I hope you realize that. Also, I commend you for being happy with who you are and not driving yourself crazy trying to please him.

 

How do you really feel about this man? I think he sounds like a man who is going to become increasingly abusive in the future. Right now it's verbal, but you never know how far someone like this will take it.

 

For starters, being a size zero is unrealistic for most women. Women who wear a size zero are either:

 

- Born very thin and have an extremely high metabolism.

 

- Anorexic/ Bulimic.

 

Even very fit women who work out constantly are usually not a zero. You have to have a very small frame to start with if you're going to be that small. Women who work out and take very good care of themselves, eat well, etc., on average, are usually anywhere from 4-6. Zero is tiny. Imagine Callista Flockhart or Lara Flynn Boyle. There is a zero.

 

If I was you I would take a good, hard look at your relationship with your boyfriend Sasha. He's openly comparing you to these unrealistic airbrushed women in magazines, suggesting that you're too fat, sleeping on the couch, and refusing to have sex with you. I don't think I would stick around if I was you, I couldn't and wouldn't take it for longer than I had to. I'd pack my stuff and leave, at least for a week to show him what a jerk he is.

 

He sounds like the type of guy who is very insecure and unhappy with himself. Finding fault in you makes him feel better about himself, like he enjoys seeing you hurt about something (which is pretty sick). I wouldn't date a guy like this. You sound like you have more class and integrity than that, and if I was in your position, I would take off for a little while to demonstrate that.

 

Good luck to you.