What will you say to her?

[grainsofrice]

Note: this is not about dating conversation.

This is about conversation in general.

 

So, a fellow student notices me several times at a study hall. One day, I happened to run into her and she politely asked to join me. I was happy to welcome her and glad to actually meet her. She wanted to know what I was studying. (i study most of the time, but half of the time-i am just goofing off on the net). Still, it looks as if I am studying.

 

I didn't want to say much and afraid that I will somehow offend her. So, I said 'i am just studying' LOL then I went in full study mode for non-stop. I basically ignore her entire time.

 

 

my Q: 1. what should I have said to her so that she doesn't feel awkward?

 

2. was I rude to not say a ward after initial greeting and welcome smile for entire 3+ hrs?

 

3. how should I disclose whatever I am studying to her without sounding conceited? I didn't really want to get into details unless if the person is in the same boat as me.

 

Previously three different fellows found interest in me, I just simply told what I was doing and what I have done to arrive at my current journey. I got the vibe that they felt offended and they said something about their accomplishment to reaffirm their accomplishment with me.

 

But, with this person today, I feel that I didn't come off conceited, but I did come off as rude and awkward with little openness.

 

What I did right? Right before she left, I smiled at her and wished her a good day. She finally smiled back and said 'see you around'. While she was packing up, her facial expression look motion less and didn't look at me. I knew that I might have offended her by ignoring her too long. So, I decided to say bye to her at the very end with a friendly smile.

 

Let's see if she will join me the next time.

I have met people in the past only because they noticed me and take the first initiation to engage in conversation

 

 

Thank you for reading and your input are appreciated.

[epsilon2x]

1. You should have answered the question she asked. How would this have made her feel awkward?

 

2. Not necessarily, you were busy studying.

 

3. She asked you a simple question. You're not going to sounded conceited whether you say criminal justice or Calculus IV.

 

You sound socially awkward and I'm saying this in a constructive way. She approached you. All you had to do is answer her question and if you wanted to continue the conversation was ask her what she was studying.

 

Am I missing something here?

[MikNomis]

^ Ditto, do you have trouble talking to people or conversing in general? I mean, when she asked what you were studying, all you had to do was say something like "right now, math. Yep, I like to study for an hour then reward myself with 3 hours of useless internet browsing." She will likely laugh and then say something and voila a conversation has begun.

 

And of course, do talk to her if she's sitting with ya. I mean, she asked to join you. Why ignore her existence the whole time that just sucks.

[grainsofrice]

Ok, she came back. I'll try to start up some small talk at the end before she leave today. For now, Let me get busy with some work.

[MikNomis]

Instead of one small talk at the end, try multiple smaller talks throughout.

[grainsofrice]

@ ESP, I should have give out simple answers. But, most of the time I end up volunteering info- I think it left a bad taste on ppl before. Yes, I am some what socially awkard when it comes to conversation such as small talk without proper direction. I do fine with communication with some goal in mind to trying to obtain what I need in situation such as talking to clark or co-workers without 'chit chat'.

 

@ Mikn, great suggestion on the ans., It doesn't flow out ez. I'll have to plan ahead or practice before hand until it become natural.

 

Update for today. I'm sorry to say that there wasn't small talk at the end but rather some wisphers exchanged 'see you later' with smiles. There were other people studying so it wasn't alright to chat up in quiet area. (My excuse). I must say that I was super welcoming with big smiles and ‘good morning’ greeting. Then I put up ear plug and went on full zombie study mode.

 

Here is what I want to accomplish.

 

I want to find out her major and her name and be able to tell her what I am studying and tell her my name without sound too invasive.

 

 

We both benefit from watching each other's stuff without having to pack up to go for #1 or other breaks. Unattended laptops often get stolen.

I'll like to meet friends and learn about others.

[MikNomis]

Okay, as for your first goal of finding out her major n stuff, don't worry AT ALL. That is a very very light question that most people wouldn't mind answering to even complete strangers. Just continue with the good attitude and avoid sounding monotonous and you'll be good.

[Pineapplejuice]

Yea like "Hi I see you around here a lot, let me introduce myself, I'm *name*." etc.

 

I also dislike chit chat... okay not really dislike it's just... pointless so I'm uncomfortable at it. But, when there's a goal (there IS a goal in your situation; get to know her) it's somewhat easier.

[epsilon2x]

I want to find out her major and her name and be able to tell her what I am studying and tell her my name without sound too invasive.

 

You should set your goals a little higher than that, unless that's all you really want to know about her. If that is your goal of a conversation, your conversation will last ~15 seconds.

[grainsofrice]

any other suggestion on small talk? i could ask what her race is after introducing myself (officially) with name, subject of studies, etc. The sad thing is i met a girl (as a friend) and she had to ask my number. Till to this day she remember me as the guy that she had to ask number from. LOL

 

oh man...

[epsilon2x]

Just watch how other people interact and do the same.

[grainsofrice]

Done! I got the basic info down. The issue that I feel here is that I wasn't able to create the rapport. My answers were short and I didn't elaborate much. (I realized this after it ended in most cases). Why would someone want to continue engaging in conversation when I answer in this way.

 

Let's say, the question was: what kind of weaving are you interested in, basket weaving or weaving in and out of freeway? My answer will be like 'just weaving in general'. I wouldn't elaborate much. I should have state my reason and then said, I like general weaving allow me to weave many things blar blar blar.

 

Before, I would have answer 'I like weaving bc I have done others and I feel like weaving bring out the most challenge' this usually sound arrogant.

Maybe because I am shy because she is attractive looking? I would have feel more comfortable talking to someone who is more less attractive.

Any suggestion on carrying the conversation deeper without invading other's privacy?

[grainsofrice]

She did not show up today! Why? There could be only three reasons: (1) she has personal matter to attend to, (2) she felt that it was too awkward with too many silences and one or two eye contacts at the beginning and end, or (3) the revealing of my studies had drove her away.

 

The true is everyone want to be belong regardless. We are a creature of social to some degree.

 

Let's see what happen tomorrow! If she did show up tomorrow, I'll definitely let her know that I was wondering why you didn't show up for study.

 

Thanks for reading and share your tips...

[acoustics]

Try not to over think it. I've wasted way too much time trying to "decode" a situation like yours and in the end being totally wrong.

 

Focus less on planning your interactions and focus more on reacting to her. Try to keep the info that you what from her in the back of your mind, but don't try to plan out how exactly your going to ask your questions.

 

I'm guessing your a pretty smart dude. It sounds like you study a lot. Here's the magic formula for us smart folks (at least for me)...

 

Think less. React More.

 

This may sound stupid to think less, but the reality is if you are over-thinking and over-analyzing the moment, you will appear as awkward. Instead of trying to figure out the absolute perfect thing to say, try to pay attention to her, read her body language and react when given the opportunity.

 

Take some risks (conversationally). If you get turned down, oh well. Onto the next one. Learn to laugh at yourself. You do something awkward, who cares. Laugh about it and relax.

[grainsofrice]

Thanks acoustics. I'll do that for other opportunity.

 

The awkwardness do get attention lol.