Is it messed up to ditch a friend to hang out with others if you're not doing...

[gluestick]

Let's say you're hanging out with a friend and midday, you run out of stuff to do or say. You want to watch a movie or do something to pass time but your friend is really reluctant and prefers to just go back to your house to "chill and hang out". By "chill and hang out", I mean just sit around and chat, even though there's nothing to chat about and sometimes you just sit in boring awkward silence...yet that friend refuses to leave or go home. Is it messed up to ditch this friend and make plans to go out with other people at night? Is there an unspoken rule that if you make plans to hang out with one friend on say a Saturday, you're expected to stick with that person the entire day?

[pippy longstocking]

I think the best thing you could do in that situation is say something like

 

" yeah sure we can hang during the day but I have plans for evening "

 

so your doing both ..keeping it above board ..everyone gets a cut of you and no one is left in the dark .

[darksouls]

Tell me about it! I have a friend just like that, he's actually my best friend...but still. Sometimes I just want to relax on my own, but he tries to come round to mine or meet up everyday. I haven't found a solution for it either. It doesn't help that we work together, and wants to hang out every night. Awkward situation to be in.

[Angel Irulan]

Just say to them that you'd like to go see a flick and it's only playing that night that you can get to it. And then see if they'll get up and go.

Angel

[amipushy]

Just interested to why you don't invite them out in the evening with you? If its because they are boring I guess the moral of the story is don't hang around with boring people and don't take them back to your house. Have an excuse to hand everytime and they will take the hint eventually.

[blueidealist24]

I feel your 'pain' if the friend just wants to sit around and do nothing. You should invite your friend to do whatever you're doing with the other friends later that night, and if they say they don't want to go, that's their fault, you can't be expected to sit around and do nothing just because they want to. You SHOULD at least try to include them in the other plans though.

[gluestick]

Just interested to why you don't invite them out in the evening with you? If its because they are boring I guess the moral of the story is don't hang around with boring people and don't take them back to your house. Have an excuse to hand everytime and they will take the hint eventually.

 

Yup, that friend is extremely boring. I actually do invite her to go out with my other friends, but she says she doesn't want to and only sticks to me like glue. Guess I'm going to drop her as a friend because it's starting to become very exhausting.

[gluestick]

I feel your 'pain' if the friend just wants to sit around and do nothing. You should invite your friend to do whatever you're doing with the other friends later that night, and if they say they don't want to go, that's their fault, you can't be expected to sit around and do nothing just because they want to. You SHOULD at least try to include them in the other plans though.

 

Exactly. I do try to include her, but she doesn't want to see anyone else and also doesn't want to do anything interesting other than just chill at my house and chat. It drives me nuts! It's not my responsibility to be her only source of entertainment. I'm not her mom either. I can't just babysit her all through the evening. I'd like to go out and have fun with my other friends if this girl refuses to do anything remotely interesting.

 

One time she told me she can't watch a movie because she's had finals and had been studying all week at school and wants to sleep early at 9pm. She then comes over to my house and doesn't leave until 3:30 am. I kept telling her I was tired and wants to sleep, yet she still sits there wanting to "chat". I literally just closed my eyes to sleep just to get her to go away.

[blueidealist24]

It seems like you were making an effort to include her in more interesting plans and she wasn't cooperating. I think it might be time to stop hanging out with this friend so much! It sounds like she just wants to talk all the time, but if you want to do other things she's gotta understand.

[pl3asehelp]

Rather than insult your supposed 'friend' (I'd love to hear how you talk about your enemies), why don't you just admit that you don't enjoy her company and stop spending time with her? I'm like your friend, I'd much rather spend my time with people actually spent talking and engaging with each other which I find 1000 times more interesting than a movie or any other activity intended to just 'pass the time'. You don't get to know someone any better when you're out at a loud club or being quiet watching a movie - in a way, you are really actually alone in those situations. Not to say you can't watch a movie with a friend, but if you feel compelled to fill all of your time together with activities and distractions to make you happy, then you really aren't friends at all and she deserves to be spending her time with someone who appreciates her.

[gluestick]

I enjoy having deep and meaningful conversations with my friends. It's a great chance to bond and get to know each other on a more personal level. But I also like to engage in activities such as going hiking, go on vacation out of the country with friends, drinking/clubbing, playing poker, games, watching movies, playing video games, shopping, etc. If all I ever do is sit and chat with every single friend, from morning until midnight, every single time we hang out, that would be a pretty boring life and I would miss out on opportunities to do things normal people do together.

 

The problem I have isn't that I don't enjoy chatting with her. She is emotionally dependent on me for her happiness because I'm her only friend. For example, she's a 27 year old virgin who's never had a bf. She's depressed about never having dated in her life. So I tell her to go out and meet people, join a club, go online dating if she's shy. Instead of doing the above, she thinks she should get raped to lose her virginity. That's just one example of our "sit and chat" routine. So it's not having meaningful conversations. It's her complaining and being depressed about her life and rejecting my advice and help, because she'd rather sit and sulk and have a pity party instead of actively changing her life around. I hang out with her when she calls because I feel bad for her. I try to help her, but some people prefer to complain rather than actually get help.

[Blue92]

Why not invite the person along? Kill two birds with one stone.

[pl3asehelp]

This is your FRIEND? It doesn't sound like it. If you don't like her, then don't hang out with her. You're not obligated to be friends with everyone.

[gluestick]

This is your FRIEND? It doesn't sound like it. If you don't like her, then don't hang out with her. You're not obligated to be friends with everyone.

 

Yes, this is my friend. I've known her for a long time. She didn't use to be like this. She used to be a happy and cheerful person. Now it seems like she has mild depression because the future she imagined isn't panning out. I've been trying to help her the past few years, but she refuses. And now it's getting to the point where it's draining me and I want to drop her, but feel guilty.