I don't know what the problem is. Anyone else feel like this?

[Staples 29]

Hi everyone,

 

I’m not sure what I am seeking to achieve on here but writing always makes me feel good and I don’t want to inundate my blog with Debbie downer energy.

 

Essentially, I have been relatively fine after my ‘break up’… I wrote about it somewhat here.

I alternate between periods of being happy or normal and down (thankfully I’m usually happier/normal than not). I have been doing new things, meeting new people etc. I think I’m almost ready to enjoy attention from someone else (but that’s a whole kettle of fish and stand up men are hard to find these days). This weekend though I had it really tough. I think I realised that I don’t mind the end of the relationship; I just don’t know how to deal with not having the person in my life again. I feel absolutely horrible that I have shared so much with someone and I can’t check up on them or vice versa because ‘exes are best left in the past’ according to most people. I just feel like I’ve lost a friend also.

 

I think due to this I have started feeling used. I have not contacted him since 2 weeks after the break up (we spoke and he said we needed to give things time to cool down); he ignored my last call which was a week after our conversation so I figured I hadn’t given it enough space and left it at that since then. I don’t know how long it’s been but almost 2 months since he ended things and I am not expecting us to get back together (he seems to be having a swell time being single…) I just can’t get over how it’s all gone down. I’m not sure how someone can go from caring to not caring (admittedly I am one of those people who care too much).

I start wondering if the whole time was a lie; somehow I’m sure it wasn’t but how do you explain this. I think I’m also disappointed that I let someone like that into my life.

 

Like I said, I don’t know what I hope to gain by writing this… I just feel really down and honestly I expected to be over it by now. I don’t want to be hung up (even slightly) on someone who doesn’t care about me or miss me.

 

Sigh… It’s been one of those weeks.

[Moggs]

hey Im right there with you minaa001, everything you say Im feeling too, exactly, its been around 3 months since me ex ended things, very suddenly and although I can deal with the relationship ending, I cant deal with the fact that now have to live totally separate lives! My ex wouldn't talk to me at all and wouldn't even say goodbye at the end. IT was sudden and went from a relationship one day to "I cant deal with you the next". We live in the same area and I often pass him in my car and even see him at the shops, we pretend each other didn't even exist for each other and its literally killing me... how can that be after we shared so much? Its doing my head in and its totally contrary to the way I wish to live my life, I never ignore anyone, no matter what they have done. I want to address this with him but he has made it clear he wants no contact, I feel quite powerless!

[Avila]

i know how you feel. especially the part about living a lie. i spent four great years with my ex. we were extremely compatible, we loved each other tremendously and we were each others best friends. then he decided he wanted to join the military in his country so i let him go. we went into an LDR that lasted 10 weeks. he decided he didn't want to do it. he gave up so quickly. he didn't do it nicely either. it was awful to think that my bestfriend in the world would treat me the way he did (and it was atrocious.) it was betrayel of the worst kind. so naturally i began to question the four years i spent with him. i felt so incredibly used by him. i felt like he loved me because it suited him. i loved and still love him unconditionally.

 

its hard walking the earth seperated from someone who was so much apart of you. it's hard not knowing what they are doing with themselves. last i knew mine was in a rebound. but that's when i cut all ties. but i still wonder. i still dream about him. i don't know how someone can go from calling you the love of their life to giving up because it's too hard. love is worth every obstacle. or so i thought.

 

but time has brought solace. i think about it all with less intensity and it's power to upset me has lessened (it's been two monthes from break-up to absolutely broken up=rebound.) with time you can see the situation for what it is. you see things you didn't see before. now i can see that i am freed of a very selfish person who quit on me for no good reason. who needs that? i know i deserve better. i'm sure you do to.

 

with time the helplessness receeds but you do have to take the power back in order for that to happen. even though you may not have chosen the break up for yourself (i certainly would not have in my situation.) but life has just opened another door for you. once the pain lessens, life starts to look very bright. exciting. new possibilites.

 

you'll be up and down for awhile. but move forward and things can only get better.

[Staples 29]

Thank you both. It’s nice to know someone feels the same way as I do. I am excited about the possibilities but very scared. The day before he ended things I decided in my heart to not be scared of letting good things happen to me… And then this happened. It’s been an awful past couple of years though somehow I always get through so this should be nothing really. I don’t have the worst of fates but I’m not exactly the luckiest of people. I have been very ok the past couple of weeks though.

 

For me there’s another dimension to it; I was diagnosed with Lichen Planus in 2010 and it left really dark marks all over my skin. My then boyfriend was fine with it and this recent ex also couldn’t care less but I can’t help but feel that it held me back a bit and as much I try to I can’t help but wonder if I left him with the impression that I’d always be slightly insecure. Though I am one of those people who can go from exceedingly confident to withdrawing and he did say once that he liked that I showed some vulnerability. I remember thinking when he ended it that I wouldn’t have to worry about looking different from other women and it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders; this is just my personal hang up though.

 

See how I am going around in circles with things that are just vaguely connected? I really don’t want to be thinking about him. Urghh…. So glad I have this forum to vent on. And I you ever need a listening ear just PM me

[Moggs]

minna001 yes it does help doesn't it?, and thanks for your post yesterday. I had just passed my ex on the road, he was on his motor bike, in the old days ( ha 3 months ago) he would beep and wave, now its like I am a stranger, and I still don't know why. It chills my heart so it was really helpful to read your post because it reassures me that this does happen to others and its not that I am just a terrible person. All those old insecurities surface. Im sorry about what happened with your ex but I am glad that things are looking up for you. And yes, its such an up and down thing isn't it? sometimes I feel so strong and then plunged into gloominess... feel free to keep venting here or PM also !

[Avila]

Gosh, talk about up and down! ex's 21st is today. blocked him but his mum and relatives are leaving messages all over and just gaaaah. horrible. but yeah, it does get better and then something reminds you and your like 'oh great.' but then you just keep going.

 

totally get the thing about being excited and scared. one night it really sunk in that i had my whole life ahead of me with nothing holding me back... and i freaked out about it. but it passes and it becomes normal.