how to make a fresh start?

[antigone77]

Hello, everyone.

 

I thought I'd solicit your advice on a different topic. I had a conversation with my ex, and it appears that none of the usual things are keeping us from getting back together. We both still love each other and are in love; we both consider each other our best friend; we still miss each other terribly; and there the unhappy memories are not contiminating reconciliation.

 

Our problem is that in some ways, our differences set us on a bad cycle we can't get out of. The ex (Andy) says that he's worried that those differences stem from who we are, and don't keep us from loving each other or wanting to be in each other's lives, but that they DO create a bad, bad cycle that will never work.

 

He says the only way is to start from scratch.

 

He's still going to visit this Thanksgiving, and we are still going to live in China together ... about a year from now.

 

So how can we start over from scratch? He doesn't mean just be friends again.He means, rediscover ourselves and how we relate.

 

ANy suggestions? I'd especially love to hear from people who have been separated for a while and then managed to create a new relationship.

 

Please, please, heeelllppp. ( :

Thanks.

[ayekasong]

I think that the best way to discover yourself is to get away from everyone and everything for a week, weekend... whatever. You should each take a trip out of town (maybe to the mountains/woods/lake if you can afford it). Don't go with each other, maybe take one friend, or go alone. Do some journaling - it's a great way to figure out who you are and reflect on your changes.

 

I have not rebuilt a relationship, but I did discover myself by doing just this - getting away from my comfort zone. I went to college and did some retreats, both were really great for self-reflection. You would be amazed at the effect friends and family have on you - sometimes it can prevent you from being who you really are.

 

Once you have done this, try taking a weekend or a night together, away from everything... ideally somewhere you are unfamiliar with. This will be a sort of "trial" as to what your lives in China will be like. Being in an unfamiliar place can evoke some new changes, good and bad. I'm going through some of them right now actually. It will also give you a change to rediscover yourselves.

 

Good luck! Keep us informed, I'd like to hear more on how things go with this.