What's worse?

[rich46]

Since my ex contacted me the other day ( link removed ), I have been spending WAY too much time thinking about her! It was definitely a MINOR setback though, but nonetheless it got me thinking...

 

What's worse?

 

1. Having a bad break up which would cause a lot of pain and resentment, but would probably make it easier to move on and draw a line under the relationship...

 

OR

 

2. (My case) Having a break up with no animosity, although obviously lots of heartbreak. In this case, the ex is still really nice towards you and wants to stay in contact, thus making it more difficult to move on as there is still a niggling thought that you could end up back together.

 

What do you think? Obviously by the way I have worded the 2 options above rather gives it away which one I believe is the worse. However, as this was my first real break up, I have never experienced a nasty, bad break up. On one hand I'm glad that we haven't grown to resent eachother, but on the other hand it is making it harder to fully move on (especially after having contact).

 

I'll stop rambling now! Ultimately it doesn't matter, as either way we are without our partners, but I just thought I'd share my thoughts and see what everyone else thinks...

 

Thanks,

 

Rich

[CarterJonas]

Well my breakup was similar to yours (2), no cheating, fighting..etc involved. I guess it had just run its course after six years. I am coming along quite well now after some six months though.

 

If there was a choice between 1 and 2, I would always go for 2 myself. I think that ones self esteem/confidence takes enough of a battering after a breakup without anybody else being involved, although I take that a lot of the breakups happen this way.

 

Myself I think that NC is the biggest key in getting over somebody, although as you have come to know you cannot control if the ex will contact you!

 

just my thoughts

[ForAnother]

I think that (1) is easier... but (2) is more respectful kinda anger. I dunno what I would want... mine was more (1) than (2)... but there were things within (2) that are similiar.

 

I would choose (1) in the end... just get it over with.

 

ForAnother

[Vert]

Rich,

I had exactly the same as yours -- amicable split while she cried in my arms (and sat on my lap at the same time). I wondered about this for the first 2-3 weeks or so -- what if it had been something that could make me hate her? I think then it would be far easier to say "forget her, she's a b* anyway" and use that anger to distance yourself from her. While it might be easier to move on with that route, you'll definitely have more anger and less trust with whomever you date next.

 

I think other girls probably like to see that you are a better person from your breakup and not one that is full of animosity or hate.

[lillady898]

One of my breakups involved the worst of both of them, which was awful. When he first told me we were breaking up, we were in the midst of an argument. So he was yelling at me, telling me some pretty nasty things. Then, I started crying, and he got all sweet saying that he "without a doubt will always be there for me" and I was a sweetheart but he had a lot of things on his mind. Then, stupid me, I called him a few words and he BLEW UP again. I hung up. Next day, I saw him at a game. Seeing him made me cry. He came over and hugged me. We saw eachother twice during the week as friends (which may have been too soon). We fought the last time that I saw him at a game. We didn't talk for a few days after. He went out with another girl. I began getting over him. He wanted me back and was all nice to me. Now we're back together... Weird how stuff happens like that, huh?

 

So it was a very terrible and confusing break up. We both made some msitakes and said some pretty nasty things to eachother. But then we both held on (me more than him). So I had the feeling that we might get back together. It was crazy. But in the end, we knew it all came from fustration and all the changes that were going on in our life at the time. That was the worst break up.

 

I think IF I ever have to go through a breakup again, I'm just going to turn my back and shrug, as hard as it'll be. Noone should feel pain from this stuff. Life goes on. Whatever happens... Happens!

[Silencer]

Hard to say really. My current situation has seen both of those. At first we stayed friends, and I found it not so bad, we only kept in contact via e-mail and I didn't really have any problem up until the moment we met up in town. After that I found it impossible.

 

The other sideof the coin came with the argument we had in the following week. Since then the feelings I had intensified, and not seeing her around for the last month hasn't really helped, I still think about her first thing in the morning and last thing at night. If anything I want her back much more now than when we were friends.

 

But then I'd just be happy to be friends again, knowing she probably hates my guts, that's a hard thing to swallow.