Should I cut things off with her at this point?

[DrkRaven]

After being with someone for two years and wanting an out normal relationship, I’m wondering if I’ve reached the end of my rope

I won’t go into detail, but if you’re interested see my old post in “Relationships”.

I told my fiancée that I wanted her finally move in with me so we could be together she told me she couldn’t because of her family. She said "they won’t talk to me if I leave" and I didn't know what to say to her. It’s like she knows that she isn't going to be able to give me what i want i want in a relationship. She says she is going to do it, and then she doesn’t. She says she wants it, and then says she can’t. It’s just back and forth.

I told her it’s been a long time and you’ve told me three times over the last year that we weren’t going to move in together (November 2011, march 2012, and June 2012) and there is a reason she cant each time.

And she just said "well why don't you just leave. I’m sure there are a lot of girls that would want you."

I’m not happy, but know that she is going through a lot trying to decide. I feel bad if i push her. I honestly feel like a horrible person when I tell her that I want more and she says that she is doing all she can. She told me that my pressuring her means I don’t love her and that if I loved her I wouldn’t pressure her. But I feel like I’ve been more than a little patient and self-less in my waiting and dealing with the extensive amount of drama that has occurred due to our “secret” relationship that isn’t a secret to anyone.

Any ideas? Whenever I mention the subject she says ’ Just do what you want.” What does that mean?

[lukeb]

You want more and you can't accept her the way she is. Instead of looking at it like an issue of right and wrong, I would look at it from a compatibility issue. Clearly you are trying to change her into something you want. I think you are jumping the gun a little bit calling her your fiancee. I think there is a problem if you can't be happy with her the way things stand now. That doesn't mean that you have to like everything about your gf, but I think you have to accept the good with the bad. If you can't love and accept her as a complete package right now, the way things are now, I think it may mean a lifetime of unhappiness together.

[DrkRaven]

I'm calling her my fiancee because we got engaged September 2011. I believe when u give a woman a ring and ask her to marry you and she says yes that you are engaged O_o Especially when you decide when and where.

 

And were are trying to move in together because her family forbade us to see each other due to there dislike of me being black and us both being women. Just a note. An dwe don't have any other problems except this. That after two year and the extensive issues (her brother being abusive to her mentally and emotionally, calling me names) she doesn't want to leave home.

 

We dont have other issues. such as personality conflicts or anything like that. We dont have money issues or housework issues (i help her out at home and whens he comes here) so not i love the whole package. I just dont want my fiancee in that type of living environment and i do want a life with her. which it was her desire to move out the first time, not mine.

 

So please dont act like i am jumping the gun and not accepting her. I mentioned my other post so you would have background info.

[Janelle1021]

Is she even out to het family? I think she needs to do that first before she moves in with you. I'm also afraid that if you keep pressuring her that she will end up doing something that she's not ready for and blame you for the fallout. If you really love her, you need to give her more time.

[lukeb]

I was very blunt, but sometimes your point doesn't get accross if you try to p*ssy foot around what the real issues are. I still stand by what I said, it's a personal decision you can't make for for her to come out to her family. Politically I am on your side, it would be great for your gf to come out to her family but you are walking on dangerous ground pressuring her to do so. From her perspective everything is out of her hands and she is totally in a position of weakness. You will get blamed if it goes south with her family, and while you would want to be there for her, it could also cause a rift between the two of you. Let her make the decision, stop pressuring her.