How do you deal

[Poca]

with the pain??

the emptiness??

the feelings of absolutely nothing??

 

Since our break-up a couple of months ago, we became good friends again, we hung out regularly -- but I got upset with his friendship with a (married) woman where we work -- he basically told me that I'm forcing his hand to choose between a friendship between me and her, and that being friends with me, is not working for him because I get upset with him talking to other girls, etc.

 

Anyway -- bottom line is -- we don't talk anymore, they're still friends and I see them hanging out at work every day, I'm not convinced that he doesn't feel anything for me, I am convinced that we have strong feelings for each other, but I also realise that it's probably the best idea to make a clean break at this time.

 

I just never realised it would hurt this much.

I never realised that I was able to feel so much pain.

When does life seem to be worth living again??

 

The worst part is, that I have a 9 year old daughter I need to provide some stability for -- but how long can I go on pretending everything is gonna be ok, when everything inside me is dying?????

 

I know I have to snap out of it, but I just can't. I am so tired of being so unhappy.

 

I hope there is somebody out there who can give me something to hang on to. I have nothing left.

[excelalways]

don't worry, everything will pick back up in due time. it does take effort on your part, but the first step is the hardest step. everything after that is all downhill. you will get back on your feet soon enough, and i know it feels like you never will...

[amp1345]

I'm really sorry about your situation and I really wish I had some good advice. Iknow that my sister is going through a really hard break up and she says a lot of the same things that I'm hearing from you. What I told her was that it is going to hurt for awhile but time does heal. You will gradually start to feel better. You should take your frustrations and hurt and focus it towards something you really care about. Like your daughter. She is worth living for and living happy. I wish i had some advice, but I do know that things do get better with time.

AMP

[melrich]

I agree with Amp, focus on your daughter. Understand that it is normal to have the feelings your are having, i am sure you have heard of the break up cycles...anger, grief, acceptance. There is nothing you can do to avoid what you are going through, accept it as part of the healing process and don't look to far ahead. Planning for the future can come later when your emotions are not so raw. You will survive.

[Poca]

thanks everyone

yeah, even if I know it'll probably get better, it's just so hard dealing with it when in the middle of it.

 

As for the cycles, funny thing is -- I went through it when we broke up and I was so close to accepting and moving on. I guess the fact that he was still in my life as a friend, and neither of us were seeing other people, helped.

 

Now that we also broke off the friendship, I go through it all again and it seem to be so much harder this time.

 

When reading this board, I realise how many people are out there going through similar stuff, and sometimes I wonder if the sad and miserable people outnumber the happy ones?? At this time in my life, it sure looks like it.

 

yeah, and it's a cliche, but I really have never ever thought I was capable of hurting so much, I didn't know so much pain was even possible. It's affecting me in every way of my being, I feel totally out of control of my emotions as well as physical my body feels just drained.

 

I don't think I'm suicidal, but I sure do wonder sometimes why even make an effort to live through this -- is it not just going to happen again?? I don't know. And I'm not sure I can do this.

 

thanks for reading

[Poca]

Just gonna write again, because sometimes I feel when I write the words and emotions down, I get a better perspective and sometimes even understand better.

 

Last week, I dreaded this weekend, my little girl was to visit her dad, I would have been alone, actually before our 'break-off of the friendship' earlier this week, I had plans with my ex for this week-end.

 

I don't have a lot of friends here, being a single mom in a big city somehow doesn't lend itself to situations to meet a lot of people, and I had some weekends in the past where I didn't speak to a soul, and for me that is pretty hard.

 

Anyway -- I've decided to go play poker on Friday night, managed to get hold of a friend and she went with me and we had quite a good time. I only recently started to play poker -- it's one of my ex's passions -- and I really got into it. Now it kinda hurts to play a little - cause it will always remind me of him, but on the other hand, it's the first thing in a long time that I enjoy so much.

I try to go to the same poker games every week, and I finally begin to get to know some of the people, and I hope and believe that somehow in the future I will make some good friends there.

 

Well, today is Sunday, I manage to get through the weekend ok, tonight I'm meeting a friend from out-of-town for drinks and tomorrow the torture at work will begin again. I'm moving desks - as a result of a change in position - and my cubicle will be ten feet away from him and his 'new friend' at work - the married woman he works with and seem to have a special friendship with.

 

Break-ups can be so hard, but for me it's so much harder this time -- previous break-ups I usually initiated, and this one not, and although I KNOW it's probably better for us NOT to be together, it doesn't make me stop loving him and it doesn't take away the pain seeing him every day and seeing him having fun with someone else -- where in the past that someone was me.

 

*sigh* I guess I'll just have to take it one day at a time.

[CharlieGurl]

I can relate to everything you're saying, Poca.

 

I too work with my ex. He ended things about 2 months ago and it's been really hard. And I was getting used to working with him and accpeting that I'm not "with" him anymore. And we would still flirt at work, which was nice because it felt good, but hard because I knew we weren't going home together...but, regardless, I was doing better.

 

Now, there's a new girl there that has a big crush on him. And I don't know if he's interested in her...i kind of doubt it, and so do most other people, but it still kills me when I see them talking and stuff, because in my heart I still want to be the one he looks forward to seeing and stuff...and even if he doesn't "like" her, it's still nice to see people that have crushes on you, so I know he probably looks forward to seeing her and stuff.

 

It just makes it hard. But, I am trying to convince myself that if I'm strong and fun like usual and show that I'm still the same person he fell for, I know he'll regret his decision...not that we'll get back together or whatever, but I want him to regret his decision. And if I walk around jealous all the time and am mean to him and stuff he's never going to see me as I want to be seen.

 

It's all about the choices we make. I can absolutely CHOOSE to let this not bother me so much. I can choose that. And so can you. And once you make that choice, it becomes easier.

 

I have also felt the "what's the point in living" thing...not that I would take my own life, because I wouldn't, but just asking the question. And i have to believe that I will find a purpose for being here...it's certainly not to be hurt forever over some guy. Our lives are worth more than that.

 

We will get over this. And one day, we will wonder why we let it get to us sooo much. I've already felt that way about other boyfriends. It will pass...it'll be tough to get through...but we will get through it.

 

Good luck, Poca!!!