I need reassurance.

[elephants]

I'm looking for reassurance that I will be completely healed one day.

 

It's around 3 months post-BU for me, and while I'm not as much a mess as I was in the first month, I am nowhere near healed. I still have difficulty letting go of hope that my ex will come back and we can be together again someday. Also, I still have those bad moments when I feel intense panic and despair about my situation even though it's already been quite a while.

 

I am 21, female, and I have many attractive qualities. I know there will be other guys out there who would want to be with me. It's just that it's very difficult for me to imagine meeting another person who can compare to my ex, or having another realistic relationship that can compare to what I had with my ex.

 

We had a good relationship, and he was a great person and partner. There was no abuse, cheating, constant arguing, being a jerk, etc. We broke up not because our relationship was suffering but because his mental health issues got in the way. I guess this is part of what makes the break up even harder to accept.

 

Anyway, I want to hear from people out there who went through break ups similar to mine, where the ex and the relationship were great and the split was caused by unavoidable external factors. Can you reassure me that everything will be fine over time? That one day, I will wake up no longer in pain and "over it"?

 

I know I can't put this in a timeline, but around how long does it usually take?

 

I felt really bad yesterday because I went out with some friends, and when I mentioned that I haven't completely healed yet, they rolled their eyes and made light of my situation. They told me that it has been a long time, and I should be over it by now. I told them that I've been trying my best, but it's just not that easy. And they all mocked that and said that I should let go already. I reiterated that yes, I have been trying to let go, but it's a process and it doesn't happen in an instant. But they kept making light of my efforts to heal, and even went as far as make fun of my ex's mental health issues. They don't believe in mental illnesses and think he's just being an oversensitive wimp, even after I said that he was hospitalized for it. I tried not to let it get to me, but they wouldn't let it go even after I tried changing the subject numerous times, so I lost it. I raised my voice at them, told them they were being insensitive, then I broke down crying.

 

Those people have been single since birth, by the way, so they probably have no idea how difficult break ups are. But still, it hurt a lot to be made fun of like that, especially since I really am doing my best to move on already. The fact that I actually went out of the house to meet with them says so much.

 

So anyway, how long should healing take? Were my friends right that I'm taking too long?

 

Also, when and how should I start dating again? I have no idea where to look for interesting guys because online dating isn't popular where I am and my social circle is kind of small.

 

Thanks.

[pippy longstocking]

my split was caused by external influneces as well ..

 

so in essence ..I did nothing wrong ...he did nothing wrong ..then bang ! one day it is all over ..

 

it is 6 months for me now and I feel that despair your talking about so your not alone .

 

I have tried to let him go ..I have taken his picture to my favourite tree and burnt it to let him go with love , I have shouted to the universe that I let him go and I understand it is over ...I have cried begged and screamed

with myself ...

 

it just takes time , I am trying not to keep myself in the times that I was with him

I am trying not to scrape over and over it

and I accept that this will fade away one day ...until then I am determined to walk on with my head held high

and love in my heart for him to be happy in his life.

 

I know every ounce of pain you speak of ...so does everyone on here and bit by bit you will "get better" ..be strong be determined and own your pain and accept this was mapped out for you for some reason .

 

you date when your ready ..there are no rules ..some do it too quick and come back here and feel bad , some just need to have sex to move on ...we are all different ..go at your own pace .

 

remember you are a beautiful spirit and capable of love and there is nothing better than that darling xxxx

[usesunscreen]

How long it takes depends on the person and how long and strong was the relationship. I think less than 6 months is too early. I thInk also that 21 is really young nowadays. If I had that age, knowing what I know now, I would like to be single.

I think it also depends if your are working on it. Don't stay at home crying. Get a life, be happy, there so many advantages to be single when you are young. Travel, take a job abroad, etc. in 4 years when you are 25 you are still so young. Most of people I know don't get married before 30 an many are single when yet are 30. If you are committed now, you will probably spend the next 60 years with the same person. You have time, learn, grow, enjoy 😊

[One day]

Hi elephants,

 

Sorry your struggling at the moment, I haven't really got a situation like yours to relate to. But in terms of healing you will get there trust me. There is no specific timeline for getting through all this pain as everybody is different. But I got through the immense pain of my marriage bu many years ago and ok I'm floundering at the moment with my latest bu. But hey one day at a time is my philosophy.

 

Have you taken too long you ask? No not at all, don't worry about your friends views to much. As you say they haven't had the life experience yet that you have and I'm sorry to say that moving through life you will always meet people who just don't get it for these situations and probably never will.

 

Take heart for your emotions and compassion, take your own good time as well in the healing process. There will be your up days and down days and you will get through them stronger better and wiser.

 

OD

[pnoy]

Hi elephants my ex split with me 3 months ago, he said i was always down and he tried to make me happy i was very happy with him loved him and still do it was his drug taking that made me feel down but he wouldnt except that.

i dont feel as bad but am still not healed and my freinds and family do the same to me they cant understand what am missing with him its so hard ive just read a book called ITS CALLED BREAK UP BECAUSE ITS BROKEN really good book this may help you xx

[meowmix88]

You take as much time as you need. Sometimes when people cant relate or dont know what to say, they mock and taunt. You do what you need to feel better and you'll be fine.