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Approaching Mum about unknown Dad..?

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Hi, I'm 23 and wondering if anybody can advise me on how to approach my Mum about a dad i've never known/seen..? Growing up I had my grandfather and enough uncles to sink a ship for male role models.. but its the biology thing that really bugs me.

I look absolutely nothing like my mum.. who then attributes my looks among other traits to him.. & other than telling me he has a family and may live in my hometown.. shes extremely sensitive and tightlipped about it all..

My last attempt was asking her to invite him to my 21st birthday which of course was avoided somehow..

Whats triggered this in me is that recently I've been questioning my identity in more ways than one - this just seems the most pressing of questions at the moment..

Thanks for reading & I appreciate any suggestions..

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Its hard to say what has been going on. Maybe she wants nothing to do with him. Maybe he cheated or left her or something so horrible that she wanted him out of her life for good.


I can understand why you are feeling this way. It would be hard knowing so little about your real father. I suggest talking to her. Tell her that you are old enough to know what happened & why she won't let you see him. Just try to have a serious talk. Tell her you know its hard, but you just want to know about him. Maybe you can try talking to a close relative about it.


I know that you feel the need to know who your real father is, but what will happen after meeting him? You may just feel even more confused. It sounds like you have many great father figures in your life & even though they aren't your real father, they are your father.


Your mom knows best, whether you think she's being fair or not. I think she could be afraid of you getting hurt. Since he has another family, maybe she feels like he might not want anything to do with you since he hardly knows you.


I'm sorry that you are going through this. I can't even imagine the pain. However, you don't need to know your real father to figure out who you are. You are surrounded by good people & you should be grateful that you at least have that.

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Hey Maggie, thanks for that.. I think I needed to get it out more than anything..


umm.. I've tried asking my mums brothers & sisters - but they say they don't know much more than I do - which sucks!!


I don't know about whether or not I actually want to meet him.. I think its more like - the more secretive my mum is about him - then the more curious I get.. we can talk about anything & everything else that goes on in our lives.. & the fact that shes withholding something she knows I've been curious about most of my life, makes me a tad frustrated..


Shes knows how secure in our relationship I am.. so I don't think theres much to worry about there..


But again, thanks.. I think I knew what I needed to do.. but just wanted some reassurance my decision was right.. & *big hugs* for your sympathy.. I don't know if its justified though in that maybe I'm being selfish.. (only-child-syndrome I've been told..lol)

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Umm... I think I understand how you feel... I was 5 or so when my father today married my mom, but I don't how I got in this world. I mean... if my mom's husband wasn't my trully father, than who was it? I also don't look anything like him. I mostly look like my uncles and stuff that does not explain anything.


I have never talked about this subject, but... its bugging me. I'm planning on weiting longer to ask about it though

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Yeah.. theres a point where the questions start to get louder and louder.. I mean putting them at the back of your mind can only go on for so long..


Good luck.. I'm gonna ask mine.. again.. as soon as the time is right (which will be the next time I go home I think)

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  • 1 month later...

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